


Punctured by Glass, Burned by Cinder

by TheAshTreeClearing



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cinderella Elements, Dark Fairy Tale Elements, F/M, Implied/Referenced Torture, Past Abuse, Physical Abuse, Physical Disability, Violence, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2018-05-26 11:03:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 72,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6236146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAshTreeClearing/pseuds/TheAshTreeClearing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The beginning to the end had begun with smoke. The ending will be with a girl. The First Order is the kingdom that reigns over all of the land. With an iron fist and a prejudice against magic that is the 'force'. The intensity between the Resistance and the First Order will end in flames. The threat of each other can devastate them both. The only hope comes from within the magic force. The battle between the cold night and the flames. The battle between the dark and the light.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Signal Fire

**Author's Note:**

> Italics serve not only as memories in this chapter but also as thoughts within the character's head.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning to the end had begun with smoke. The ending will be with a girl. The First Order is the kingdom that reigns over all of the land. With an iron fist and a prejudice against magic that is the 'force'. The intensity between the Resistance and the First Order will end in flames. The threat of each other can devastate them both. The only hope comes from within the magic force. The battle between the cold night and the flames. The battle between the dark and the light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics serve not only as memories in this chapter but also as thoughts within the character's head.

_Her limbs carried her heaving body enough to where the flames crackling was only a murmur instead of the cackle it emitted from it’s hot breath_.

_“It was laughing at me”, she thought to herself. “It took my home and my papa and the flames are laughing at me!”_

_She ran although her feet were burned from climbing the lit tree. Her papa said, “that sometimes hiding isn’t a cowards way out but a strategic man’s exit.” A coward runs she thought and her feet were growing tired_.

_The girl remembered how she giggled and tugged her papa’s grey hair. How her papa would call her his little ray of sunlight. The light that he called her, in his warm voice was now bursting through the forest with a rage that could duel the sun_.

_Her short strides were trembling little movements. She ran till the moon was her only light to guide her. She was left to only the sound of her shakes and feelings of senses_.

_She swore she heard her papa for a second. The trees leaves swayed as if they were lips_.

_“Run little one, run and never forget who you are.” She refused to hear that voice. Running away she could’ve almost made out an I love you but she refused to hear and wished the leaves would burn to ash. What is imitation to the real thing but only disappointment_.

_The girl runs until she cant anymore. Her body sways on a bridge and with a cruel misstep. She falls into the roaring river_.

_The girl with burned feet fell into the river. Her light had extinguished on that night. The moon was waning and the sun had settled long before the fires began. She cried for what once was and the river washed all of it away_.

* * *

Reality hit in not a ringing of a bell or the sun illuminating her eyes. The girl was drowning. _I need to swim to land_ she told herself. _I am not a coward if i’m swimming_. With a force that only a small child could make. She faced the river and the river was forcing her to give every inch of fight she had.

The water was making itself into her lungs. Her arms becoming heavier and heavier. The only way she would die would be by fire. If it took her papa than it was a death of honor. This is not how she’ll die. _This is how I defeat the river. Fate is not my savior, I am_.  
The girl dragged her body with every stroke. The muscles stretched to the point of snapping but she found herself on land. 

She looked at her surroundings. The forest was not as dense as what she calls home. _what she once called home_ she chided herself. That little girl died in the fire. That is what she tries to convince herself upon. 

Nonetheless she is only a little girl and little girls can cry. Her breath clipped and buckled through her chest. Hands shaking and trembling lips but no tears came. _Why can’t I cry?_

The girl tried to stand on her wilted legs. She carried her drenched body to stand but she fell with a scream. Her feet without the water to numb them cold. Felt the delayed pain that she was saved from when she escaped the fire. _The fire?_

Spread across the ground with burned feet and drenched to the bone, yet, all she can remember was a fire? _A man with grey hair and kind eyes_. Her eyes began to water and for some reason unbeknownst to her. She could not understand why? _I love this man and I think he loved me_.

There on the ground she rolled from her side to her back. The sky was turning from a grey to the blue. She knew this meant it was morning but that thought erupted in her mind again. _The man with grey hair. That grey hair that looks like smoke. The fire_ … 

She could only repeat that phrase over and over. “The fire, the fire, the fire that burned my feet, that burned my home and the man with grey hair.” 

She let the river calm her. She asked herself if saviors didn’t know anything else besides knowing how the morning looked like.

Hours passed and her pain from her feet only increased; as did her hunger. She attempted to crawl and break a piece of bark off to chew on. But her feet screamed in protest and she dared not to look to them. 

The day grew brighter and hotter. The sweat glided down her temple to her chin. She pushed her finger to the droplet and tasted it. She could taste the saltiness in it. She was reminded of soup with bread. Her stomach didn’t like the reminder.

The girl continued to watch the sky to forget her hunger. She watched on how the sky went from a dull grey to a faded blue. The sun was then setting and it would soon be nightfall. _At least i’ll be able to sleep_.

It was then she heard it. The galloping of horses.

The girl was met then with the faces of three heavy set men. _The horses must be exhausted_. She softly giggled at that thought and that seemed to put the men away from the uneasiness that was shown on their faces. 

“Little girl, are you well?” Said the burly men without a beard. She was stricken by fear then by the way all these men had not a touch of grey in their appearance. 

The courage was small but there. It bubbled up to her throat and she replied, “My feet they are, they are, they’re bleeding!” The men jumped off their horses and the first man who reached her brought her to his chest. With urgency the man asked, “How did you hurt your feet?” 

She whispered, “I ran until they began to bleed. The fire might have gotten me if I didn’t run” The man behind him urged him to take him me to a doctor. 

“Ready the horses,” the man bellowed. She feels herself drift again to the place she was when she was in the river. The little girl heard the man briefly ask a question but she was slipping to the darkness again.

For a second she heard him clear as day. “What is your name, little girl?” 

The little girl peeks her eyes open and lets her eyes drift to the setting sky. The sky is entirely red with only purple on the whisps of the clouds. _It’s pretty so very pretty_.

With the last strength she has in her body she remembers and she replies in a whisper before the darkness takes her again. “Rey” she exhales. “My name is rey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first installment of my series "Punctured by Glass, Burned by Cinder." This series is loosely based upon the fairy tale "Cinderella." It does carry elements of the tale but will largely twisted to fit the idea that I have for the series. I have rated this fic above according to this fic's nature; however, I'd like to remind everyone this will not be a go lucky attitude series. This is my first go at fanfiction, so my apologies for not being as seasoned. Thank you for reading! Glad to add onto the Reylo growing fandom!


	2. Yesterday's loss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey knows only what she remembers and there lies the first problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics are still inner thoughts and memories when it applies

Rey heard them speaking before she could see them. She heard about scarring and it being a miracle if she could walk again.

She could feel the heaviness on her eyelids. The struggle to open them only tired her further. Rey tried to speak but her throat was dry. Attempting to swallow stung her throat like a whip. 

The people must’ve heard her discomfort for there was someone holding the back of her head. Then a hand that carried a cup to her mouth.

Rey gulped it down as if the water would make her feel instantly well again. It didn’t; however, it made her throat less scratchy and that would be her victory today. 

 

The voices as much as she could make out were distinctly female. She could’ve sworn that one of these voices belonged to the hands that grasped her head softly. That one of the voices matched the hands that carried water to her lips. But there was a new voice that she didn’t recognize from earlier. The voice was sharp and icy. Warmth had no room in the speaker’s mouth. 

“Has she finally awoken?” Demanded the icy stranger's voice. _They're all strangers, no amount of kindness changes that_. Rey could feel the hesitation in the room from the two voices from before. _Or maybe it was fear_.

Regardless of which it was. One of the voices spoke although it could be considered more strammering than speaking. “She’s in and out- but I- but she should be gett- be waking up soon” said the first girlish voice. 

The second girlish voice had more confidence but it still shook. “She’ll wake but she needs to rest fully for that to happen.” It was the sudden noise of skin to skin contact that scared her eyelids to fully open. 

Rey rushed up with a start. Frantically she searched the room with her eyes. A window, a bed, weirdly clothed curtains, _and a girl with a angry mark on her cheek_. Rey pushed the air out her lungs in quick repetition. The suddenness of her movements must’ve scared the girls. For they were pushed against the wall. But the woman was standing with spine straight and her eyes were piercing into her. 

The woman walked in a discomforting calmness towards her. If rey had not been solely staring at the frightened girls before her. Maybe she would had the common sense to move away. But she was only a girl and for once she could say admit. She was afraid. 

Finally reaching rey’s bed, the woman slipped her hand under rey’s sleeve. To twist the skin that she could reach. Rey gasped and kicked the woman anywhere she could. The woman stood there and had not let go until she finally spoke. 

“You should remember to not interrupt,” she spoke. “It’s terribly rude and not becoming of a young lady in this household.”

Rey continued to fight against the woman but her eyes met again with the girls. Rey could sense their fear then. It mirrored her own. The girls were holding each other so closely. Rey could only think they were one whole person.

Her limbs stilled at the thought of their untied fear. The woman looked upon her and allowed a smile to grow on her face. Rey was only a little girl but anything breathing could see how unnatural a smile looked on her face. Rey shut her eyes and tried to breath deeply and exhale.

The woman let go of her arm and stood back. This calmed the girls enough to where the girls moved themselves behind the woman. 

With how the girls clung to the woman then made the woman look as if she had wings on either side. The woman had the appearance of angel. With large doe like eyes that were coloured green with soft features on her face. Her body was even graceful without movement and then there was her hair. It was pinned up with intricate pins that made an almost heart shape but most importantly her hair was a dark grey. It made her feel almost safe.

The girls that hung on her were one in the same but entirely different. Rey tried to memorize as much as possible. The one that had the angry mark on her face was girlish in every term. Her nose was sharp and narrow which battled against her small almond brown eyes. She was frail and her red hair was slicked back to a braid. She had a look of curiosity now, _and that was hardly ever a good thing_.

The other had a taller body with long limbs.Her hair was a night’s black and her eyes nearly matching. Her eyes were almost spidery in their movements. If the other girl was curious, this one was more so observant. _She had no mark on her face, that is her victory_. 

Rey’s thoughts were shaken by the noise that the woman used to grab her attention. The woman looked down on her with steady eyes.  
“So now that you’ve quit being feral, I’d like to know how you acquired those wounds on your feet.” The woman demanded with the same chilling voice as before.

Rey looked to her feet and saw that they were bounded by wraps of ragged clothing. The clothing looked oddly familiar to her and she pulled her body more upright to inspect to why she felt that way.

She saw it then. The cloth that bound her feet were the cloth of her nightdress from the river. Rey looked down to find herself dressed in a tan dress that hung loosely from her body. 

“My dress- what happened to my dress!” Rey shouted in panic. The woman finally moving from her still stance to sit on the bed. Rey shoves arms to cross over her chest. The woman glances quickly at that. The room is tense. Then the woman speaks.

“I asked a question child.” 

Rey breathes deeply and answers back, “So did I.”

Rey looks to the the woman’s hair and she feels that emotion again. _Guilt, anger, grief?_ Whatever emotion it is, it compels her to answer the question. “I burned my feet running from a fire. That’s all I can remember.” 

The turn events would rinder anyone speechless. It should leave them with some level of sympathy but yet the woman was still. The only movement she made was to hold her rey’s hand.

The touch was cold as her voice. _As cold as her eyes_. _If the fire could burn her feet then her hand could melt bone_. In fear rey tears herself from the bed. She jumps to her feet but falls to her knees in pain.

Rey can only see the floorboard but she can hear the exasperated sigh of the woman clearly. “And your name?”

She doesn’t know if she answers because of her shame or tiredness of fighting. Yet she answers all the same. “Rey, thats all- thats all i can remember”

The bed springs creak and rey hears the footsteps of the woman get closer. “Ray?” The woman questions. “Like a ray of sunlight?”

For some strange reason what the woman says brings heat to her cheeks and warmth to her chest. Rey feels a tug upwards from her lips. _Little sunlight_.

“Exactly.” 

“In this household we don’t have made up names, child.” The woman says clearly. Rey hears her shift and she gets farther away. The girls begin to move and rey cranes her neck to see them.They are all in the same stance they were before when she was still on the bed. _Like pretty little dolls in a row_. 

Rey gathers up her body so she is at least on her knees. The older woman takes this as a cue to begin to speak. “You’ll address me as Lady Termaine; when i’m addressing your wounds you’ll address me as your doctor.” She pauses if only to look down on her again.

“Are we clear,” she prods. Rey stares back in hopes that it is defiant. Yet the woman only continues to talk. 

“This is Anastasia Termaine,” she says as she holds the girl with the welt closer. Her eyes aren’t defiant. They are empty.

“And this is Drizella Termaine.” Drizella looks at me and attempts to smile. It doesn’t look unnatural on her but just unused. That fills rey with emotion she doesn’t quite understand. Between the need to protect her and the need to protect herself. _I can’t protect anyone, I can’t even protect myself_

Rey cuts across to look at the Lady Termaine.“My name is Rey,” Rey says with something akin to pride. A look flitters across Lady Tremaine’s face. It is too quick for rey to decipher but it changes her face to have the appearance warmth. 

“Rey is of the past, child. The past full of pain that you can’t remember and the sadness you used to feel. Why hold onto something that reminds you of your disability. Of your shame?” 

“What about my happiness of the past? If there was pain then there was joy surely. For if there is to be dark existing ; then the light would have to exist too.” Rey questions. 

Lady Tremaine smiles again and chuckles. That alone sends a shiver down rey’s spine. “Can you remember the joy?” Lady Termaine advances toward her; rey only watches her without saying a word . “No?” She stops only two feet away from rey and let’s the smile grow to show her sparkly teeth. “If you can only remember the pain and the sadness then that’s what’s real. This is not a fairytale darling. What you know and understand that is real. Everything else is false. You are disabled that is truth. So you must rest now, child” With artificial sweetness Lady Tremaine picks up rey and lies her down on the bed.

Rey watches the lady tuck her into the bed while the girls watch in silence. All the while the lady’s smile is intact; although rey’s legs scream in protest each time the lady’s movement moves her legs. 

Just as she is done, the Lady Tremaine cleans the sweat that embeds on rey’s forehead. Her touch breaking rey to sweat again. The Lady Tremaine smooths her hair and say, “Your name is Cinderella my darling new girl. I’m sure you’ll like it here soon enough. Although being disfigured will make moving around nearly impossi-”

“I’m not disfigured and my name is not cinderella.” Rey says. This does not alter the lady’s smile but her eyes pinch at the sides to show her age. 

“In all due time my cinderella, in all due time.” Lady Tremaine lays a kiss on rey’s forehead and begins her exist. As she stands from the squeaking bed, she settles her skirts and begins to walk towards the girl. She reaches her girls as they turn their backs on rey to follow her but that’s when she hears it.

The squeaking of the bed is undeniable to everyone in the room but the Lady Tremaine is sure she’ll hear the fall. It is the soft thumps of footsteps and the sounds of hurtful grunts that urge her to turn around.

There standing at the middle of the room is rey. Rey walks in short frigid steps towards the girls and Lady Tremaine. The girls gaze at rey with bewilderment and joy. Their Lady face however showed only anger.

Once rey reaches a short distance from Lady Tremaine she pronounces, “My name is rey!” 

They all stand in silence. The fear finally becoming something else for rey. Rey could even see a change in the girls faces as well. _Maybe it is hope_. 

Rey glares at the Lady Tremaine with the gathered defiance that a small girl can muster. It is enough to have the lady’s smile disappear.

The Lady Tremaine walks toward rey once more until her she is looking directly down at rey. Forcing her chin up, rey feels the bead of sweat slide down her neck. The Lady tremaine smile is in her eyes now. The change strikes fear in rey’s heart. It is that small distraction that lets the Lady Tremaine to easily kick rey down on her face.

Rey lands partly on her back which bends her legs under the calf of the other. Her scream is loud and clear. Pain sears throughout her small bruised body.

The lady Tremaine only watches as the little girl cries on the floor. Her other girls she notices have flocked around her disciplined cinderella. The sight is not unpleasing only new. She folds her legs down so she is on her knees. The lady shoos the girl away enough to where her cinderella can see her. 

“My clumsy little cinderella, girls do take care of her.” The Lady Tremaine gathers herself up once more and turns her back towards the girls. As she walks away she say simply, “Do tell our cinderella how we do things here.” Just like that does the Lady Tremaine finally exits.

“You shouldn’t have talked to her like that!” Whispers Drizella urgently. “It isn’t a smart thing to do, you know!”

Anastasia face grows red from her neck up and exclaims loudly, “Well yes I think she knows that know!” 

Drizella hushes Anastasia, “It’s with that same tone you got that mark, right Ana?” Anastasia looks down and begins to straighten rey’s feet to a proper place.

Rey looks frantically between both of them. She wants to go home but she knows the truth of what’s real. _The pain is real_. The look of pain must have translated to rey’s face since the girls had then begun to carry her to the bed. It was not a smooth carriage but what could be expected of small little girls afraid of falling for one another. 

Once they fixed rey upon the bed they taught her how to conduct herself when it comes to their mother. Rey listened if only to amuse them. Drizella seemed at ease with her cooperation to understand her mother. Anastasia seemed more thrilled to talk more than anything. 

“You understand, re- cinderella,” asks Drizella. At the sound of that name rey turns her body away from the girls. 

‘I’m sorry but the way things are here are set by mother. It’d be safer for you to get used to that,” explained Drizella. Rey chose not to speak back and kept her back turned on them. The silence grew and the space between them had only grown because of it.  
“Ella, we’ll call you ella but when mother calls you. You’ll be Cinderella” Anastasia blurts out. Rey mulls over the sentiment and allows herself to smile. _For a secret is shared only between sisters and friends, right?_ Finally rey turns back over and glances between them.

“For all your talking for once you actually came up with something helpful,” laughs Drizella. It is a lovely sound like the centers bell. _The centers bell?_ The thought is interrupted by the voice of Lady Tremaine’s voice calling for the Anastasia and Drizella. 

Anastasia and Drizella both call that they’re coming. Drizella tries to leave but rey asks for her to wait for herself to get up. “You can’t, remember that you have to follow her rules.”

“I can’t even remember before the fire did this to me; how do expect me to remember her rules?” Rey asks sadly.

“You just have to, alright? I really need to go now but get better ella.” Drizella is nearly out of the door before she hears ella’s voice. 

“And what if I don’t remember her rules, what then?”

Drizella glances back and her eyes are wide. They stare into ella and for a second they are not in this room anymore. They are just two little girl reaching for something their small hands can’t reach. _Hope, home, love_.

“Then you’ll fall”

Again, again, again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said there are elements of Cinderella fairy tale but nothing is wholly the same. The newly added characters as you can guess won't be textbook Cinderella characters. So just bare with me for few chapters and to end these notes remember rey knows only what she knows. Everything else is for me to know and for you to find out.


	3. Where there is smoke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her identity is beginning to blur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics serve as inner thoughts and memories when it applies

The sun had fell on that day and so did it fall again day after day. The days melded together and months turned to years. Those years were mostly quiet save from the few shared moments of laughter and compassion. The years were not unkind to ella but they were not filled with love and devotion. The days would begin with labor and would end the same.

Her ‘stepsisters’ did the most they could to help ella. But their pity was placed in the small parts of her life. It was things like how anastasia had always taken notice when ella’s dress was becoming more rags than clothes. Anastasia would rip up one of her own dresses without letting mother know. It was the only way ella was afforded new clothes. It was the small things in secret that the Lady Tremaine had no knowledge of, that was her joy.

Drizella and Anastasia could only be kind to her secret they discovered early on in their childhood. The Lady Tremaine relationships with her own daughters were odd but how the lady wanted her daughters to treat ella was even stranger. 

By all means did Lady Tremaine make cinderella her own in a guardian sense. Cinderella always had a shelter and means of eating; however, the stance of a mother was never a role the lady ever played for cinderella.

The Lady Tremaine wasn’t viewed as a cruel woman in their small village of Jaque. She was a symbol of healing to the wounded and the symbol of fertility to women with babes in their stomachs. The village found it peculiar that she was so introverted in her emotions but the could not complain. She healed their sick and aided their elderly.

Ella was sure that was why her cuts and bruises had gone unnoticed for all those years. At least that is what she liked to tell herself. Drizella and Anastasia hardly ever got disciplined by the lady’s hand but when they brought it upon themselves (As Drizella would like to put it.) They were marked where the visible eye could not see. Ella was not offered that luxury. She remembered once how the dough boy from the bakery had asked about the bruises.

* * *

_“Aren’t you a bit young to have all those bravery marks,” the dough boy asked her. Ella had remembered then how Lady Tremaine ‘chastised’ her to wear a longer sleeved dress. Her discoloured skins were showing and her red lines in sharp display. Ella tried to distract herself with fiddling with her hands. To further her distraction she just observed the dough boy_. 

_She remembered how his hair would fall over his shoulders in a mess. He had long straight hair. The boy being two feet taller always made her giggle. But Little ella knew her role. She was to get the bread and walk home before it was dark. The dough boy’s attempt of conversation was sabotaging her on time arrival. But as cautious as she was of the time; she was equally curious of the term he used before. “Bravery marks?”_

_“Your face seems a bit sour, would you like some sour bread?” His own joke made him laugh to the point of tears. This older boy had always confused her with his need to speak to her everytime she came for the delivery. Yet she smiled as his happiness, it’d be cruel not to_. 

_”What are bravery marks?” Little ella questioned. The dough boy’s smile wavered if only for a moment. He began to actually prepare the box for the Lady Tremaine’s bread. She had thought the conversation had ended but then the boy’s voice rose again_.  
_“Bravery marks are scratches and bruises but the reason we call them bravery marks. Is because we wear them as a sense of pride in my family. It’s a way of reminding of us that we are only flesh and blood. That we continue to live besides the scarring.” Ella could still hear the smile in his voice but it was more sombre in that moment. It was almost sad_.

_“Maybe bruises are just bruises and scratches just scratches,” Ella replied. It was nearly quiet in the shop for a second before the ring rung from the door._

_The click of a heel sounds in the small little bakery shop and the swishing of skirts send out a rustling sound. “Cinderella you should’ve been on your way home by now, the sun will be setting soon.” The Lady Tremaine’s voice had the false cloak of warmth again_. 

_“Doctor Termaine how are you?” The dough boy had asked her. The lady smiled politely and replied with the calmness that nerved ella. The dough boy and the Lady Termaine conversed for a small while. All the while, ella had continued to eye the box full with bread_. 

_The grumbling of her stomach must’ve interrupted their small village talk. The dough boy looked to her with a soft smile. He attempted to offer her a piece of loaf bread but the lady stopped his hand_. 

_The dough boy’s face turned sour for a second before he asked, “It’d be free doctor.” “Before you came she supplied me with good conversation that deserves some bread.” The lady’s hand fell away and ella took the bread and nimbly began to chew_. 

_The Lady Tremaine’s attention was caught by the earlier statement, it seemed to ella. “Good conversation? I didn’t know my cinderella was social; whatever was it about george?” Asked the Lady Tremaine. Ella never knew the dough boy’s name until then. George? The name sounded familiar she had thought at the time_. 

_Ella noticed then how george’s easy going smile was gone and his eyes were no longer a soft brown. “Debating on what bruises and scratches are. We talked about it in depth, didn’t we cinder?”_

_With Lady Tremaine and george staring at her so intently she could only speak the truth. “Yes we did, my lady. Ella exhaled quickly. “I have bravery marks!” She tried to sound as joyful as possible. It fooled george. His smile met his eyes but his glances towards Lady Tremaine worried ella. She didn’t understand what they meant_. 

_“Bravery marks.” The Lady Tremaine repeated. It was not said as a question but george began to speak again. “Bravery marks are marks of pride of being durable, of being strong, and being human. It is always reminds us of our humanity. Don’t you agree **doctor**?”_

_Ella’s stomach turns in anxiety now and she stands there still watching the lady face george. “That’s an interesting way of looking at things, george.” The lady had smiled. She turned to her cinderella and grasped her hand firmly and before she left with little cinderella. She turned back to look upon george’s face_. 

_“Before I go george, I’d like to cancel my weekly delivery for bread here. I’m afraid my cinderella will get to many bruises and cuts from traveling to and from this quaint little bakery.” The lady’s voice was chilled and calm as she continued her farewell with george, the dough boy. “I’m terribly sorry for ending our agreement but I must look after my own as you must yours.” The bell hung in a silent swing as ella was nearly outside the door_. 

_“Say goodbye to our friend george, cinderella.” Ella looked back to the dough boy she’d see every once a week. Who offered a smile to her and never made her lady pay for the bread. “Goodbye george, I hope to see you again.” With that Lady Termaine turned small cinderella to turn before she could see george’s face again_. 

_His face in watching ella leave was a look of great sadness but that did not matter as ella continued to walk the path with the Lady Termaine_. 

_It was only a few days later, did ella hear news of george again. It was from a passing from a couple in the new bakery she was sent to from Lady Tremaine. Apparently after a few days of their leaving of his family bakery; it was said that george’s grandmother had passed from the family’s **neglection** of providing her medicine_. 

_Ella remembered how she used to walk home at sunset staring at the smoke that came from the chimney of george’s family bakery. It had made her feel safe_. 

_As ella walked home at the end of the day of hearing about george did she finally noticed something had been amiss. She looked frantically but she could not find it. The smoke was nowhere to be found_. 

* * *

Ella pressed her hands to forehead and dragged her fingers to press against her temples. _It does not matter of the past now. It does me no good to reminisce_. She continued her routine as always in the morning. She arranged her room to a suitable position and continued throughout the house. 

It was the humming she did that helped her not to become senile. She allowed herself to sing under her breath for she knew that Lady Termaine was not to return from her stroll in a while. Ella began her other tasks. The sweeping of the floors and the polishing of them as well. She knew her last task would need the most time so she held it off for a while. The stairs were well kempt her last sweeping of them so she only needed to do the downstairs. 

Her hums mixed with the loud purring of the lady’s cat. Lucy’s tail curled in and out with every toss of his tail. He pranced around the house as if it was kingdom. Lucy annoyed ella but she knew not to mess with the cat. He had a way of making a mess when upset. So she allowed him his leisure. 

She heard the splashing of water after she made the promise to let the cat be. _Promise be damned, that cat is an abomination_. Ella mopped up the mess as fast as she could but the floors were to be cleaned again. 

Ella decided against better judgement to begin on it before the lady came in. The consequence for a mess left would be greater than the lateness of another task. She got down on her knees and gathered the battered rag and began to soak up the pooled water. The reflection of the pool showed a girl of eighteen of age with sunkissed skin and almond shaped eyes. Her eyes wavered from the pool of water to the door and wrung out the rag in the bucket. Her build was lengthy but her shape had been toned with her labors since childhood. Ella never identified herself as beautiful, she wore her ash brown hair in three buns so it could disrupt her work. Beautiful was set aside for meadows and overflowing watering holes. _Not for her._

Nonetheless ella found herself looking at her reflection. She could see the small intricate scars on her collar bones. _You knew not to leave after night_. Her reflection was muddled by Lucy's pounce across it. 

Just as ella is about to throw her rag at the cat. She hears the lady’s steps come towards the room. “Cinderella are the floors done?” Ella shifts her eyesight upwards to meet the lady’s line of sight. 

“No i’m sorry, I had gotten distracted a little this morning.” Ella’s body seizes up and awaits for the blow but it never comes. Her eyes open questionably to peer from underneath her eyelashes to look at the lady. Lady Tremaine is smiling and that unsettles ella a bit. She hadn’t even prepared her lady’s tea yet. 

“Silly cinderella do not fear, today is a glorious day. We have gotten a very important invitation,” Lady Termaine announced. “It seems today will be without consequences. This new is that great my child!” She exclaimed. 

Ella looked skeptically at the letter the lady was holding. _Without consequences? That is today’s victory_. Her body language must’ve betrayed her uneasy smile for Lady Tremaine asks for her to stand meet her in the library. 

Letting the rag fall into the bucket. Ella follows the sound of the lady’s clicks. Humming a tune she remembered from long ago about dreams and wishes to calm her nerves. She could never remember the words but it gave her strength. So she was grateful for the tune. 

Finally they both reach the doors to the library and the lady awaits in front of the door. As always ella reaches for the handle of the door and opens it for Termaine. Ella follows behind her and goes to the armchair near the piano and waits for the inevitable. 

“You may sit, cinderella. Remember today is without consequences. It is out victory for today.” The last end of the lady’s speech makes ella’s heart grow cold. As she sits she always fears how the lady could nearly always read her mind or if she was just so predictable in her mannerisms. 

Ella cast her gaze to the window and asks, “What is the news from before?” The lady’s smile is so full her teeth are on full display and shine against the light of the windowsill. “The First Order has seen the prince’s maturity fit to so that he is in a marriageable age. The palace will be home to a ball for future suitors of the prince and as it seems. I have inquired three letters, my dear” 

After hearing the Lady Termaine speak, ella waits in silence waiting for the biting rejection she will receive if she asks if she’ll be in the ball’s attendance. So she waits for the humiliation to be over and lets the silence cover the room. 

“Cinderella,” the Lady Termaine prods. “Yes, my lady,” replies ella. Lady termaine begins to walk towards ella and sits in the other side of the armchair once she finally gets to there. Termaine lifts ella’s chin so that they are at eye level as she says, “Why have you not spoken about the ball? “I thought that be such a happy thing for you” 

It never occurred to ella that perhaps the lady was toying with her distress. That maybe her being upset was entertaining. Ella then gathers her skirts and crosses her ankles. She straightens her back as straight as she possibly can and looks deeply into the lady’s eyes. “Why would it matter, I’m not to go at all.” 

The Lady Tremaine's smile is that of a cheshire cat. It’s the eerie sight of seeing her lips curl so her teeth are on full display once more. But her smile is not hiding behind the worn cloak ella had grown accustomed to long ago. The smile grew to where her cheeks were spread so tightly; it seemed they’d crack. Through her smiling teeth did the Lady Termaine finally tell her what she had brought ella in the library for originally. 

“My child, you are to go to ball.” Ella feels a smile spread across her face and for an unthinkable moment. Ella feels she may even love the lady for this kindness. The Lady Termaine wraps her arms around ella and pulls her close enough so she can whisper in cinderella’s ear. 

“Oh cinderella, you are destined for such great things. Never forget that my child, always remember who you are. Will you promise me that child?” 

"I promise my lady,” ella pleads back. The Lady Termain let’s go of her and searches for ella’s eyes. Ella glances to her and lets the smile back on her face once more. 

“Then what is your name, my child?” 

_Ella, my name is ella._ But yet, deep in her being she knows that not to be true. _My name it was- it was- my name is rey_. 

“Cinderella,” she breathes deeply. “My name is Cinderella.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as you can tell we are definitely diverging from the original tale. I hope everyone who reads this is pleased with how far we've gotten so far! Thanks for reading!


	4. Blood on your hands and blood on mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suffering is universal no matter how diluted it gets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics serve as inner thoughts, emphasis, and memories when it applies

Her elated happiness could not last as long as she wished. There was still tasks to be done and work to do. Ella tried to be diligent in her work but her smiles were more prone to appear after that discovery.

Of course it was ella who still continued to keep the household up to good condition. No letter could change that unfortunately; however, with the letter came even more work for her day’s load. The Lady Tremaine wanted all her girls she sent to the ball to be presentable. In every sense of the word.

“Chin up, straight back, and my dears remember lips pouty.” The lady stuck her lips out in a ludicrous way. While the process was a funny sight to look upon. The result was a rather lovely one. The lady’s lips had the appearance of being full and inviting. _It also looks like a baby’s trembling lip_. 

Ella laughed at that and it caught the attention of the lady. Anastasia and Drizella grew painfully still then. Their eyes frantically looking to and from ella and their mother.

“Cinderella do you think this lesson is funny?” The lay’d voice had the deceiving high pitch of sincerity. Ella’s laughter felt dead in her throat. She knew then to try and smooth the slight. 

“No my lady, I was laughing at my own inability to do it. I'm terribly sorry but my lips seem to make a rather fearsome shape.” Anastasia and Drizella poster relaxed. The storm would yield or at least that’s what they assumed in the moment. Ella thought for a second that she fooled the Lady Tremaine but like most things in regards to the lady. It was hardly ever as it seems.

The Lady Tremaine looked at ella with her dark green eyes. Her eyes were beautiful ella had to admit. It’s color was a dense forest at the deep night. No light could be seen out of them:but yet, there was manic gleam in her eye then. A trembling fire that only grew with every blink. _A fire in a forest is not a beautiful thing_. 

The train of thought before confused her for a moment. Apparently it was the wrong moment to be caught up in her mind. The lady grasped ella’s hand firmly. It was no coincidence that the lady and Lucy nearly shared a mind. Ella could feel their connection through the lady’s nails digging into her wrists. 

* * *

Drizella watched on as her mother dug her nails to ella’s wrist. Her mother was nearly clinging to ella and the look in her eyes was calm. _That is never a good sign_. She reached out for her sister’s hand and clung to it with the same grip ella was sure to be enduring.  
For what is worth ella just stared on. She looked as if she was a still statue in that stiff position she was in. Drizella wished she could look away but like all the times before her eyes were stuck. It may have been only seconds passing but it felt so much longer to her.

Perhaps it was her way of coping but Drizella tried to think of it like a story in a book. Ella was the lost princess entrapped in stone by the witch. She shook her head in annoyance with herself. 

_Such a childish thought_. It was something Anastasia would dream up. It shamed her to think that way about Anastasia. It shamed her more to make this situation appear to be anything that it wasn’t. _This is a nightmare_. In the story it would appear as if the witch was cracking the stone piece as ella watched on. Doing nothing to save herself. The reality wasn’t much different. 

Suddenly her mother let go of ella’s arm. Even from this far did Drizella see the bloody crescent moons lefts on ella’s skin. She watched as ella swallowed and let her hand fall to her side. Her mother gathered ella’s skirts and wiped the blood away from ella’s hand.

“My dear you must clean these soon. We know how much this color stains clothing.” Ella only nodded in agreement and attempting to leave, she crossed their small ballroom to get to the door. 

“Cinderella wherever do you think you’re going? We have the most to prepare for and you haven’t even gotten through the lips.” Ella stilled and turned on her heels to join Anastasia and I once more.

Mother waited until all eyes were on her. Once she was satisfied with the attention, she continued the lesson. “Now that we have covered the proper position for your lips. It is now to cover the color portion”

Drizella shifted her eyes to Anastasia and Ella. Ella held her chin high and had a look of concentration. Drizella could’ve loved ella for her bravery but bravery was not a smart trait to have here. It made her vulnerable to mother’s punishments. Loving ella would be only to cause herself pain. Seeing her being disciplined to the point of pain would only be harder if she loved her. It was selfish she knew. She was ashamed but she was not bloodied. As ella would say ‘That is my victory’.

But her sister anastasia had the look of the ill. Anastasia eyes were red rimmed, her veins visible through her clutching fists, and her lips pursed into a thin line. Her sister was always _troubled_ by her mother’s displays of punishments. Only in regards to ella, did it seemed to pull this reaction from her sister.  
Drizella could not lie to herself. She was jealous of Anastasia’s compassion for ella. She knew that she shouldn’t. Anastasia could be honest about her love for drizella in the open but ella’s was always to be hidden away. 

But it bothered her nonetheless. Perhaps it was the way that ella’s punishments always made her sister question mother’s ways. _It is a dangerous thought and is better to be not thought of at all_. Anastasia’s compassion for ella put her in the position to be disciplined as ella is frequently. 

Drizella could not watch her sister be harmed. What kind of sister would not protect her younger sister? But the voice in her mind spoke words that always put her justifications to a delay.

_What kind of human does not protect the wounded? What monster watches this and does not stop it?_

_The one who is not bloodied. The one who has others to protect_.

The ending thought would never make the other thoughts go away but it sedated them for a short while. She would take that over ripped skin any day; however, anastasia was still there in all her anger before mother. She had to distract mother if only for her sister to pull herself together.

“Should we color our lips with berries mother?” Drizella looks intently at her mother in hopes that she will retain the eyecontact. “My smart Drizella always practical but no that would not do for the ball.”

Mother looked to anastasia for a moment and for a second her composure was compromised. But mother then looked on to ella. The relieving sigh was sharp in drizella chest. Mother moved in front of ella and she could see ella’s chin lower. _That is ella’s victory_.

“Child tell me, if you do not have any berries to color your lips. How would you color them.” Mother’s voice was syrupy and heavy in affection. _False affection, always false with ella_. 

Ella was befumbled by the question, drizella could see that clearly. Even drizella was confused by her mother’s question. How could you in any other way color your lips without berries?

Mother’s face grew impatient as ella stood there in confusment. “Well child, how do you do so without berries?” Ella’s lips trembled for a second and it caught the attention of her mother it seemed.“Don’t think too harshly about it child, those creases are horrible for the face. But it’s rather simple.” The way her mother smiled at ella was chilling. A punishment was coming. Drizella only hoped her sister could contain herself until mother left.

The clock’s hand made a soft clicking sound earlier when is just us without mother. But now with mother in front of ella the clock’s hands sounded thunderous. The hands ticking was interrupted by mother’s impatience once again.

Mother sighed as she reached out to smooth her hair into place. “Cinderella will be used to show how it’s done but it applies to you two as well, girls.” That took the attention of anastasia away from her earlier anger. _Good, this is good_.

“You need to bite your lips cinderella” The demand was clear but ella stood there with nearly no emotion on her face. It did pain her to see ella subjected to this but if it was not her it would be anastasia or herself. She couldn’t have that.

With a great huff mother suddenly snatched ella’s cheek and began to squeeze hard. Ella could not hid the sound of pain mixed with shock quick enough. Drizella was sure that if she heard it then so did anastasia and more importantly so did mother.

“Bite down on your lips dear and this will be done much quicker.” Ella bit down on her lips as she was told but mother would not let go of ella’s cheeks. “Harder dear or they’ll be blush color.” Drizella tried to look away but she could not. Ella tore down on her lips and it seemed that mother only matched the ferocity with her pinch. 

Drizella reached out slowly, so she would not grab mother’s attention, to hold her sister’s hand. Anastasia dashed her eyes to meet drizella. There was fear in her eyes. Drizella wishes she could take it away but she only darts her eyes back to ella.

Blood was visible on her lips and in little strokes on her teeth. Drizella thinks absently that ella looks like a feral animal. A pang of pain shoots at her heart then. _No she looks like a wounded one_. 

Mother finally draws her hands down from ella and looks at ella as if she is a her masterpiece. “Now rub your lips together to seal the color everywhere.” Ella’s lips tremble again but she complies. The pain for once is visible in ella’s eyes. 

“Girls, girls, girls gather around our cinderella.” Drizella guides her sister to be closer to her as she takes her closer to see ella fully. 

Ella’s lips are torn and are bloodied. Her teeth are painted at the edges with her own blood. Her cheeks look like angry welts with a cinched indent where her mother's fingers had been. But it was her eyes that were staring straight at drizella that chilled her the most.

“Well girls don’t be rude. Tell cinderella how beautiful she looks!” Mother is radiating pride and her masterpiece is standing before drizella with cracked lips and cheeks. A thought scares her back straight just as ella’s is. The thought was maybe drizella was right about the story before. Only in this version it is the lost princess who cracks herself. _Here she stands the statue who can bleed_.

“You look very pretty cinder _ella_ ,” anastasia peeped in. Drizella could see the desperation on her sister’s face. It screamed for forgiveness. It was nothing that any of us could afford in this rich house of ours. 

Ella’s lips curled at the edges just a little at anastasia’s attempt of comfort. It was the wrong thing to. Mother prompted for ella to smile with her teeth. “You have such a beautiful smile child, show it.” 

The corners lifted till it could not and showed teeth angrily stroked red. Her mouth formed a smile but it was ella’s eyes that wanted to scream. But ella smiled for mother and it made mother smile. _It should be enough, please be enough_.

“Alright my girls it’s time to prepare for dinner! We’ve done enough lessons today, ella will you please get the food ready?” Drizella smiled in relief because it was over for now but nothing was never as it seemed with her mother. She never forget that.

As ella had begun to walk away to the direction to the kitchen, mother stopped her by saying. “Oh dear I hope it’s not that big of a bother but will you make my favorite soup today? These lessons worked up a deep hunger for me” 

“As you please, Lady Tremaine,” and with that ella had left the ballroom. Mother left shortly after telling drizella and anastasia ‘she had to prepare tomorrow's lesson’. So there they were standing in place watching the clock tick with its sharp hands. Drizella could hear a loud thumping sound in her ears and for once she could not blame the ticking of the clock. 

* * *

Watching the clock had not helped the time fly any faster but soon enough ella had called to say that dinner was ready. Drizella files in with anastasia as they find their seats at the dining table. Everything is as it should be. The plates were polished and not a silverware was out of place. But the soup at the table was the biggest eyecatcher.

Mother’s favorite soup was a vegetable soup but was hardly ever set my a sit down meal. Not because none of the girls like vegetables. But only because mother liked a copious amount of salt in it. The only time it was ideally served was when mother was ill. Ella would prepare her only an amount that would supply her the duration of mother’s illness. But mother wanted it now and there was no better excuse for it being here because of that fact.

Drizella, anastasia, and ella were already sitting down by the time mother arrived. Mother with her smiles and reddened cheeks sat down at the head of the table. “This looks absolutely delicious cinderella, a job well done!” Ella attempted a smile at mother but that did not sedate mother.

“Here,” mother held up a spoonful of the soup over ella’s bowl. “You should have the first sip for being the most **capable** today in our lessons, don’t you agree girls?” Drizella shook her head without hesitation. She lied her spoon down in respect;however, anastasia glared at mother with a stiff neck and hard head. Drizella looked to both mother and anastasia. It is her job to protect her little sister. That she is capable of.

“Well then, what do you think drizella? Should we give our respects to cinderella?” Drizella looks to her plate to see her reflection in the muddy colored soup. _I’m not a monster. I protect who I can. That does not make me weak. I’m a survivor_. Drizella rationalizes this and looks to her mother to avoid making eye contact with ella.

“It’d be awfully rude not to mother.” Mother smiles at her and drizella wishes she could hide her face away. But she cannot and she justs looks into the soup until the deed is done.

Although she can’t see the act. The hearing of it is a stab to her heart. It is the sound of the gulp and the sharp gasp that ella tries to hide but can’t hide quick enough that cuts deep. 

As Drizella looks on to her soup she notice the solid reflection is muddle by a single drop. She strokes underneath her left eye and feels the wetness caught in her dark eyelashes.

She hears her mother announce for all to eat but drizella looks into the soup once more and chances a glance towards ella.

Ella sits there sipping her soup as if it this wasn’t planned. Drizella wishes to be angry with ella but she can’t. _Maybe i’m not the strong one here_. 

Drizella turns back to her soup and lifts your silver spoon. It takes all her strength to keep her hand from trembling. Once drizella finally gets the spoonful of soup to her lips, she breathes to calm herself. But with the first taste she already knows she cannot finish the soup. _The soup taste like ashes in my mouth_.

By the time dinner is done and eaten. It is drizella duty to pick up the bowls and hand them to ella in the kitchen to clean. She goes around looking at the bowls and what is left of the soup. Anastasia in all her rebellion did not eat a single drop of her soup and mothers was nearly finished. It is when drizella reaches ella’s bowl that she halts fully.

The bowl is empty. Not a droplet to be seen in sight. Drizella takes the bowls and with heavy feet drags herself to the kitchen. 

Without a word said between the two, drizella lies down the bowls next to pile of dishes that ella has begun to wash by hand. As drizella walks to her room she tries to find the reason while she is so desperately awake.  
Once she has been in bed for hours. She is lulled to sleep by an ever present thought that will not stop until she finally finds the blackness.

_This will never be enough. It’ll never be enough_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Debated writing this chapter with ella not being the narrating guide but I hope everyone liked it! As always thanks for reading! Also i'm sorry that it's taking so long for other star wars characters to find themselves in the series. I really want this to feel somewhat organic so i'll add them once you meet them? Makes sense? Probably not! Still hoped you enjoyed this!


	5. I am your reflection as you are mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being a pawn and being the victim is a mirror analogy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics serve as thoughts and memories when its within context.

The sun shined through the window in broken little shapes. The sky could be seen in little slivers when the branches would sway with the breeze. Ella supposed she could’ve been more appreciative of the beautiful morning but her lips stung and her mouth tasted like rusted metal. 

Ella dragged herself from her bed to sit up. If she was to be fully up, she would do so correctly she decided. Her task then was to be what to wear. She never had such a distress about to what to pick only because her wardrobe contained only two articles of clothing. One being what she wore to sleep in and the other what she wore everyday. 

If it were any other day, ella would’ve never stop to think about how little clothing she possessed; however, ella had the ball on her mind more than she would’ve liked to admit. Afterall it was the reason her lips were ragged. _Much like my clothes_.

Angrily she untied her dress and let it drop to the floor. _What a foolish thing to be upset with_. Yet she still found herself staring at her tattered clothes that had pooled around her feet. She remember how it was such a vibrant green before all the nights of it being thrown and dragged back from the bed. The cold sweats that most likely drained the color.

_Such a beautiful thing, it is a shame to see it battered_. Ella picks up the dress, to avoid the mess that it would cause her later. It did her no good to make a problem for herself; so she began to fold her nightdress when she caught her reflection in her mirror from a the corner of the room. 

She couldn’t help but to look at herself for a moment. Ella wasn’t vain in the sense of beauty but she would allow herself a glance every once in awhile. Her skin she noticed had a few new blotches of color from the last time she saw herself this exposed. Her knees were yellowing at the edges, her lips a raw red, and her cheeks looked blistered at the apples of her face.

The mirror was cracked so her body was protruding in some places. While some of her body appeared to be missing. She didn’t know why she walked to be in front of the mirror. But somehow she found herself in just that spot. 

Lightly, she trailed her fingers over the broken glass. Ella guided them over the reflected parts of her; Over her knees and her discolored soles. _It’s a shame that the glass is broken too_. Her hand stop suddenly when she caught the reflection of her eyes. 

The sudden jerk of that caused her fingers to be pricked by a shard of glass. A droplet of blood smears on the fractured glass. Ella keeps her finger pressed to the spot for a second and just as quick, let’s go. 

Trying to look away from the blood, ella looks to her eyes again. A diluted brown and green concoction resided there where she looked. She wanted to look away but she couldn’t tear herself away from the image. She looks on until she hears a crash come from the other side of the room.

From first glance ella believes it to be the Lady Tremaine but on second glance. She knows it is only the lady’s cat. Her heart goes down slowly as she glares openly at lucy. 

Lucy cocks his grey slicked head at ella and prances down from the mess he created. With all the grace in his four legs, he stalks out of ella’s room with a content purring.

Ella swears she thinks the cat and the lady have a shared mind. As much as the thought amuses her for a second. The interruption reminds her of her daily duties and she tears herself from the mirror to begin to get dressed.

Ella unfolds her dress to wear for the day and begins to get dressed. As the dress is adjusted to her she quickly tied her hair in her beloved three buns. Of course she liked to believe she did this to her hair for the sake of working. But she admitted to herself it was the only thing that felt natural for her to do. As if her hands had always done this motion, as if it was muscle memory. 

Finally done dressing she looks to the mess lucy created. The cat had pushed her burned out candle to the floor. Leaving broken wax all over. Ella bended down to pick up the broken up pieces. She admires the different shapes that the broken pieces of wax makes. One appears to resemble a fish and some look like thick lightning bolts. _It’s shame that my candle broke but sometimes beautiful things come from the pieces_. 

The thought brought a smile to her face and an even brighter idea. As she picked up all the pieces she rushed down the staircase to throw them away. If she was to begin her idea she’d have to finish all the tasks for the day. So ella got to work and began her usual day at the Tremaine home.

(

* * *

)

 

As the day wore on ella had barely noticed her lips hurting. Perhaps it was a silly thing but ella held on to the hope that today would be better than the last. Still the day wore on as any other and by the time that dusk arrived. Ella had finally finished her chores.

Ella retreated to her room to begin the outline for her idea from earlier. It was simple but she still had gone throughout the day fretting about how to get the materials. Of course she could always try to make something from her nightdress but that’d be unsuitable for such an event. Dealing in also that the lady would never let her leave with such an outdated creation.

Dwelling between her closet and bed. Ella thought on aimlessly about how to acquire the materials but her mind had stilled. _The lady might purchase me a dress for the ball.._. 

The thought crossed her mind first and slashed her heart second. _You are not a fool ella. You know that you are only given secondhand clothing. That is your place_. Ella was not one for dramatics but she felt that unfaltering feeling of melancholy again. 

Her eyes stung and she could begin to feel the wetness webb her dark bottom eyelashes together. Ella shook her head fiercely to stop the tears from making an appearance. Ella wanted to cry but the tears had a hard time falling she had noticed of late. 

Ella dragged her hands underneath her eyes and got back to her original train of thought. She had always had the job of throwing out things that the lady deemed unsuitable for her daughters. This past weeks it seemed that the lady was throwing out more clothes of late. 

It struck her as odd. The lady tremaine had always been a resourceful woman. The lady instructed them of different languages and of things that were basic to know. Even ella knew how to speak with correct punctuation and write well due to the lady’s teaching. 

Still ella could not deny the recent increase of the thrown clothing was good for her sake. She was going to sew her own dress together for the ball. It was the only way she would let herself leave for it. She had collected all the clothes that was left for her to burn in the chimney for the past few days. 

There was a dark blue gown that drizella had outgrown and a soft green nightgown the lady herself wore. The dress might need more cloth but ella was sure she could find some before the ball. It was going to be a difficult but it was nothing that she couldn’t handle. So ella began her work with hopes that dusk would not come so soon.

 

(

* * *

)

 

Ella had just began on the sleeves when she heard the drip. Frantically she looked to her candle and saw it was nearly to the bottom. She knew that meant only one thing. Ella pulled herself away from her table and looked outward from the windowsill. 

The sky was a rosy hue and the clouds were laid out as if they were rolled upon. Anastasia and drizella had always come home from the town with the lady around the time the sky had turned a rosy color. Which meant only one thing since the letter from the first order had arrived. It was time for another lesson. 

Ella tried to harden her expression for when the lady would come to get her. But her overwhelming fear and dread had overpowered her sensations. Still ella continued to sew and piece the sleeves together. 

With each swooping motion of her hands she began to calm herself down a bit. The lingering dread was there but ella allowed herself to pretend she was nothing more than a maid. For a moment she was only a maid to a beautiful home. In her mind she would greet the ladies and prepare them dinner when they arrived home. It was such a simple dream. Not a dream many would aspire to but for ella it felt adequate enough for her.

Twisting the thread to a knot ella had finished the sleeves. She lied the finished pieces on the bed and marveled at it. The proud moment however was short lived. The gates gave its usual high pitched squeak and ella knew to begin the last of her tasks for the night. 

Grasping the pieces she hid them beneath her bed and quickly moved downstairs to greet the ladies. Just as she reached the foot of the stairs the doors swung open. The lady tremaine reached ella’s eyesight first and then following were her daughters. Anastasia and drizella once inside went to their usual spots next to their mother. Ella looked on waiting for assignments to be said.

The quietness was uneasy just as the smile that graced the lady’s face. Usually ella would take that as a sign that her workload would be more rigorous. But it was drizella’s expression that gave ella pause. 

In all of the years of being raised with the lady’s children. Drizella was never the happy one. Anastasia, ella would argue, was more full of life. Ella spitefully at times thought that anastasia had stolen all the good from the lady’s womb. While drizella was left with the rest. Ella would always feel guilty afterwards and would sneak drizella a biscuit after dinner. Still the happiness that shined on drizella’s face had ella frozen to her spot.

“Darling ella, you look so terribly pale.” The lady tugged her gloves off with every syllable it seemed. The action reminded ella of her duty and she paced quickly to the lady’s side. As ella began to slip off the lady’s coat. Drizella placed her hand on ella’s shoulder. The offness of it made ella freeze again. 

 

Tremaine’s laugh filled the entry of the home and ella focused her eyes to drizella. Drizella was smart as she was pretty. Her raven hair tied with a green silk ribbon and her dark eyes. But that was the thing that was off the most. Her eyes looked as if they were trying to convey something. Ella shook away with the coat and hung it in the closet.

The space from drizella did not help her. Her eyes looked frantic and that was something drizella was not commonly. By that time tremaine’s laugh had died off but as ella faced them once more. She realized that drizella was the only one left in the entry way.

“Ella it’d please me to have you accompany to my room.” Maybe it was the demand disguised as a request or the fact that not many things pleased drizella. But ella felt at odds with herself. Still she nodded sharply and followed drizella to her room.

Her thoughts were muddled but ella tried to clear her head as much as she could. The clinks of drizella’s heels matched a funeral march. No matter what smile drizella painted on herself; Her disposition was one of sobriety. 

The smell of drizella’s room was a mixture of powder and perfume. It would make sense seeing as drizella had a knack for enhancing her beauty with certain things. As much as the smell was nice change. It was stuffy not after long of standing there. 

Ella’s thoughts were interrupted by drizella saying something she had not caught earlier. “My apologies, what were saying before drizella?” Drizella ignoring the question, had only walked to her vanity and pulled out the chair. The tension fell off ella’s shoulders. _She only wants me to untie her hair_. 

Walking towards drizella, ella had noticed then that drizella was still standing. “Ella please sit.” Ella did as told and sat in the chair as drizella pushed it closer to the vanity. “Mother has asked me to help you to apply some of my things to have you be more presentable at the ball.” 

Taking a harsh amount of air, ella breathes out in a huff. “Am I that ugly drizella?” Of course ella speaks out hoping it sounds angry but a small part of her wants an answer. For ella for all her life that she could remember could not decide on that matter. She wants to believe it doesn’t matter but it means something to the lady tremaine. That alone is enough to have her worry.

“Your eyes are a beautiful color but complimented with this.” Drizella swipes her finger on a brown powder and rubs it gently to ella’s eyelid. Seeing only blackness drizella softly taps ella’s shoulder. “Well are you going to open your eyes?” 

Ella peeks through and looks at her reflection. Drizella’s mirror isn’t broken and ella can see herself clearly. It’s strange seeing herself so vividly and actually complete. Ella wants to look away but she has to admit that whatever drizella put on her eye. It brings out the colors in her eye. 

Tentatively ella dabs her fingers into the pigmented powder. Drizella looks at ella through the mirror and nods at her to continue. Ella sears her on the other eye and looks at the completed look. Her eyes look warm and bubbly like how wine makes the lady feel. _Brown wine is rotten, it’s no good though_. 

Wringing out her skirt, ella looks down away from her reflection. The silence between her and drizella just reminds ella that she never answered the question. _A maid does not have to be pretty_. The thought brings her comfort and she can at least look to drizella.

“I can teach you so many things!” Drizella forces an energetic tone to her voice. “We should probably avoid anything to do with the lips or the cheeks though.” Ella tries to smile and look grateful for the help. But ella doesn’t like to see herself this clearly in the mirror. So she insteads keeps her eyes glued to drizella.

Drizella wears a deep pink shade on her lips and lighter version on her cheeks. It does not matter whether drizella wears those things are not. Ella prided herself in trying to see a person before their appearance. But she faltered at times she had to admit. If she had not known drizella a majority of her life. She may have thought that drizella was someone who was not capable of knowing beyond their desires. Due to her attention on her face but drizella is intelligent. Ella knows this and if drizella does this. Then who is she to refuse the help. 

The lesson continues on about the styling of hair and how to enhance certain features. It is a long lesson but it does not make her bleed. For that she is thankful. After the lesson ends ella finds herself again in front of her mirror. It is beyond an acceptable time to be up but she just continues to watch her distorted reflection.

_The mirror is merely a reflection of yourself_. That was a fact but still ella couldn’t fully understand on which one herself was really her reflection. The one she saw at the vanity or the one standing in front of her. Ella pondered on it for so long she lied to rest in front of the mirror to sleep when the tiredness came to take her. 

Drifting off she thought absently _Maybe i’m neither_.

(

* * *

)

 

Away in drizella’s room, the girl with raven hair hung her bedsheet over the mirror. At such a late hour she found that she could not fall asleep. The conversation her and mother had still hung her mind. The guilt hung even heavier. 

Drizella tried to feel nothing but ella looked at her as if they were friends. _Perhaps even a sister_. The thought added even more guilt. Ella didn’t deserve this. After everything she didn’t but the sad thing drizella concluded was that she had done nothing to stop it. 

She slowly unraveled her hair from her updo and let it hair to her back. Drizella remembered how ella would brush her hair when mother had gotten to rough with the brush after her wine. Ella would sing her a song and even though drizella was the eldest. She had felt protected by the calming voice and warm hands. Ella would always take the brush away from mother because of her pain. She had protected me, drizella remembered. _But who has protected her_?

As drizella lied herself down to sleep. She kept telling herself the ella didn’t deserve this. The girl that brushed her hair and the girl that brushes the floor doesn’t deserve this. As she drifted to sleep she cried quietly thinking _None of us deserve this_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry I haven't updated! School and work are just being a jumbled mess at this point! But I'd like to apologize for this chapter being kind of underwhelming? I don't want to jump to the action without some progression towards it. Either way I hope you enjoy! Thanks for reading!


	6. In losing our voices, we hummed ourselves to sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories are what bound us together but it is what tears us apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics serve as inner thoughts and memories when it applies.

The days passed without much dramatic happenings. The tasks and lessons were done in their cycle and were completed. It seemed that the days were fast approaching for the ball. The days should’ve passed happily for all but the emotions were varied through the tremain home. 

Anastasia went through the days with a mixture of happiness and puzzlement. The routine was the same except for the lessons that came at the end of day. She had dreaded the turn of the sky due to them. There was no reason for the lessons, well at least for her and drizella. 

Even then as anastasia strolled through the garden, she couldn’t even fathom why ella required the lessons. Ella was more disciplined than her and drizella of late. It did bring anastasia some sadness to see ella’s fire dim. The memories all of the girls shared in their first days together were sweet _At least for the most part_. 

Her eyes stung for a moment but Anastasia was taught well by her sister to hide the tears. Just in case mother might see. Mother was off acquiring the dresses for the ball with drizella. So anastasia let herself feel freely. Anastasia’s leg began to tire so she found herself at the bench near the rose bushes. She tried to distract herself from the memories from days of her childish youth. But the smell of dirt and roses brought it back all the same. 

_Those rosebushes gave me scars when we all hid from mother on drizella’s birthday_. Smiling to the laughter she remembered of that day lessened the pain that came after from the consequences of their actions. Still anastasia could still remember that day so clearly in her mind. It was if the breeze swept her back to that day.

* * *

_The day was sweltering one as it was beautiful. In the height of summer, ella was still at bed due to her wounds. It was in ella’s room that mother would find us all at nearly any given time. Sneaking into ella’s room was a skill that anastasia had gotten after a huge amount trial and error. So almost every night ella would try to walk and sometimes could make a few steps with anastasia’s help_.

_By the time of drizella birth celebration, ella could walk. It was a celebration they would all celebrate in secret from mother. It was to be big celebration that year due to fact that mother had invited some of the townspeople_. 

_Ella had been decorating the dining room for a majority of the day. While The others gotten dressed. Anastasia had wanted to play hide n’ seek with both drizella and ella before the boring dinner. It was going to be their little secret to share as sisters_.

_Anastasia had always wanted another sister. Not because her love for drizella wasn’t great. But only because anastasia wanted to have bigger family. The day ella had come had been a miracle. Drizella was cautious but with time anastasia thought that would fade away. Once anastasia finished getting ready she had went downstairs to get ella to go outside_.

_“Ella, come outside I have something I want to show you,” anastasia had said in a whisper. Ella was still in her oversized nightgown that mother had nearly thrown away. Dear ella had looked like she was drowning in fabric but ella had never cared. She liked to twirl in it when she could. It was always a pretty sight to see. The thought was thrown when ella had answered back. “Once i’m done i’ll come outside”_.

_”Promise?” Ella looked to anastasia with a small smile on her face. “Promise, now go before mother see’s you wasting time!” Ella giggled out. Anastasia ran to get drizella so she could be with her to go outside. Reaching for drizella’s door she let herself in without a knock. Drizella was sitting by her desk reading as she always did_.

_Drizella looked up at her sister and clucked her tongue. “You know better than to come unannounced, ana.” Anastasia rolled her eyes at that but still came closer to tell her sister of her idea_.

_Once she reached her sister’s side anastasia began to speak aloud her idea. Drizella listened on without looking away from her book. It was an infuriating thing for anastasia when she could not read her sister’s expression. But she waited patiently for her sister to answer back to her_.

_“Normally I would say it’d be a horrible idea but-” drizella had trailed off for a second. “It’d do ella some good to get some fresh air to have some.. Fun.” The last word had always come hard for anastasia’s sister but she was happy with her sister’s agreement. No matter on how she got it_.

_After a while anastasia finally had gotten her sister to put the book down so they could go get ella. As they walked downstairs they made sure to not make too much noise to alert mother. “Mother is going to be furious if she finds out we took ella from her chore_.”

_Anastasia shushed her sister as quietly as she could. “Mother will be more furious if she heard us talk of her temperament. Come on!” That shut her sister’s mouth until they reached ella in the dining room. Ella had it seemed finished the dining room. It was decorated in drizella’s favorite colors_. 

_When anastasia looked to her sister, she saw her sister with a look of amazement. The room was draped in green silk and all the potted plant around the house were placed to make the room to appear as a forest. “It’s beautiful ella, thank you” Ella colored because of drizella’s compliment. Anastasia smiled and grasped both their hands_.

_“Well since you’re done it seems there's only one thing left to do.” Ella looked around frantically to see if she forgotten something to do in the room. Anastasia laugh carelessly at ella’s worry. “Not you ella, I’m talking about the secret.” Ella calmed down and shook her head with laughter at her own silliness. Anastasia took her laughter as a cue to take them outside_.

_The sky was a bright blue and the grass was swaying with the warm breeze. Ella drunk in the air with a loud sigh. Even drizella was enjoying the freshness of the day. Anastasia began to explain the game to the both of them. A young boy from the village taught her this game and anastasia couldn’t wait to show it to her sisters_.

_Drizella and ella caught on to the concept easily and grew impatient with the rules as time passed. So anastasia began to just begin the game. Drizella desperately wanted to be the seeker so both ella and anastasia allowed it_.

_The countdown quickened the steps for anastasia as she could not find a place to hide. Looking around anastasia couldn’t find ella. Figuring she could not then hide with ella. Anastasia tried nearly spot she could find. She was about to give up when she sat by her favorite rose bush. It was then the idea struck her to hide in her favorite flowers_.

_Just as drizella’s countdown ended, anastasia had finally delved herself in the roses. Her arms stung by the thorns but it did not matter to her as long as she did not dirty her dress. As she waited to hear the steps for drizella she heard instead the laughter of her sisters. She peeked out from the bush and saw a sight she thought not to see in a long while or maybe ever_.

_Her strides were long and strong as a horse’s would be. Her nightdress trailed behind her like shadow made of color. Ella’s laugh was accompanied by drizella’s behind her. Drizella chased after ella with the front of her dress in her hands. Their laughs melded together and anastasia found her eyes wet. Without her realizing it, anastasia had begun to laugh as well. She saw her drizella catch her eyesight and began running towards her instead of ella_.

_Anastasia laughed but gathered herself as fast as she could out of the roses. She began to run with ella all over the garden’s passageways. Laughing made them all lose their breaths and they came at a stop while drizella put her hand on ella’s head_.  
_“You’re the seeker now!” Ella laughed at that and nodded her head. Just as she was going to head to the tree to begin counting. Mother appeared and with her shriek all of the laughter had died in their throats_.

_“What is the matter with you all!” Mother had screamed to them. Anastasia had not heard use this tone since ella had arrived. She stepped behind drizella in fear without her realizing it. “Well is anyone going to answer me? I want to know who’s idea was this to dirty your clothes!” By that time mother’s voice had gone soft but the steel was there hidden as always. Anastasia shook knowing she would be punished but as she was going to confess ella’s confession came faster than hers. “It was my idea, i’d asked them to help me find roses to put in the vase for the dining table_.”

_Anastasia looked to ella in shock but then looked to the roses to see the bush nearly torn apart. She had been so careful to not herself she had not realized her tearing the bush to shreds by hiding in it. Ella stepped in front of drizella which also blocked her view to see the wrecked rose bush_.

_Nervously drizella had taken her younger sister’s hand in hers and held on tightly. Mother had gotten close by then almost to where ella stood in front of all them. “ Your place was in the dining room not with my daughter's cinderella.” Ella stood tensely but somehow had her chin up high to mother. “It was mistake, i’m sorry lady tremaine_.”

_The sound of skin hitting skin broke the silence that came after ella’s apology. If it were possible drizella tightened her grasp on anastasia hand to the point of pain. Anastasia watched as ella fell to the ground holding her cheek. Mother watched as well massaging her hand from the strike. “Cinderella you know better than that but I let this be your lesson for today only if you promise not to disobey me again_.”

_From the ground, ella nodded her head furiously. She struggled to get herself off the ground but mother had not been satisfied. Mother kneeled down to be in direct eyesight with ella. “Promise my dear cinderella?” Ella let down her hand to reveal the red imprint of mother hand on her cheek. Lookly closely mother’s nails even broke skin. Anastasia stepped to help ella from the ground but drizella pulled her closer to herself_.

_Ella looked back to anastasia as she said it, “Promise.” Anastasia casted her eyes down at the sound of the promise between mother and ella. Mother left shortly after that with ella. Anastasia rubbed her free hand on her cut arm by the thorns of the roses. Drizella let go of her sister’s hand to face her_. 

_“Let this be a lesson little sister.” Drizella said quietly to anastasia. “You must distance yourself from ella for a little while from now on.” Anastasia tearing up answered back, “She protected me just as a sister’s supposed to do and you’re asking me to-” She was cut off by drizella’s quick retort. “She’s not our sister, mother doesn’t think so then neither should I and neither should you.” Anastasia looked to her dirtied hands. “She’s not blood to us, understand that_.”

_Drizella ran to the house leaving anastasia to her tears and thoughts. After picking up the roses that weren’t ruined. Anastasia walks back to the house herself. As dinner is served later on. Anastasia looks to the empty spot that was to be ella’s place at the dinner table. The dining room is filled with all the adults laughter and it turns her stomach to knots_.

_She excuses herself and once she is out of sight from mother she runs to room to get the roses from her vase. Anastasia grasps them tightly uncaring to the thorns that pierce her small hands_.

_Anastasia runs to ella’s door and knocks as quiet as possible. She swore she heard ella’s breathing but not a word is spoken between them for a short time. She leaves the flowers lying in front of the door. If mother notices she’s been out this long. She’ll be punished just as ella was_. 

_Anastasia thinks to let herself be punished. She’s the reason ella did not eat supper that night after all. The girl with copper hair thinks about how they have had the same matching red mark on their cheek. If drizella thinks blood connects family then she is wrong about ella. Blood has been spilt from the both of them. Walking away from the door, anastasia told herself that ella was her sister. Blood sisters… anastasia thought it fitting for her ella and herself_. 

_After the dinner and all the guest had gone. Anastasia snuck from her room to ella’s. The night sky was wholly black and casted shadows where the moon hit. Anastasia followed the shadows of the furniture to find ella’s room. Just as she was about to knock, the door creaked open a small bit. Anastasia thought it had been ella who’d had open the door. But ella was nowhere to be found in her small room_. 

_Searching again with her brown eyes she caught the bright red roses. They sat in old glass bottle that used to be a wine bottle of mother’s. The way ella cared enough to place them in a bottle to admired them brought a smile to anastasia’s face. The happiness was short lived as she heard a noise from the kitchen_.

_Bringing herself to walk to the kitchen anastasia saw a sight she had thought not right to believe. Ella was washing the dishes from the dinner with her dirtied nightdress still on. Ella looked as if she was thrown like a rag doll. Her shoulders were red and the backs of her knees looked yellow in the candlelight_.

_For some reason that was unbeknownst to anastasia she left back to her room. But even as she tried to sleep all she could hear was the swishing of the water in the sink. All she could see was the back of ella’s knees. Blood sisters they were but equal of pain they were not. Anastasia had slept to the sound of running water and she only wished they’d all drown_.

* * *

The roses were in bloom that anastasia could see. The petals were a vivid red and the color only hurt her eyes to look upon. She wish she could rip the roses from their roots and burn them. But they were pretty and she learned long ago that is their place in the garden. _As is her place in a marriage_. 

The thought of a marriage brought her to the reason she wanted to escape her home. The ball at first was a lovely thing. To get dolled up and feel beautiful instead of pretty was a welcome change. Yet she found the reason for the ball ridiculous. _All the ladies to croon for the prince’s hand was insulting but still a marriage would take her away from all of this._. She shuddered at the idea of being stuck here in this house forever. 

_I’d marry a prince, i’d even marry a horseman keeper to get away_. All the things she’d do to find a way out of her family’s wishes. Mother wanted the same she suspected. Afterall she pushed this ball so forcefully at us. Even ella, who for a long time, anastasia thought would have to be a member of the house forever. Like a furniture that was glued to the floor was being groomed for the ball. 

The ball was tomorrow and ella had not been sized for a dress. That troubled anastasia but surely mother would not make ella go in her worn nightdress. Mother had always cared for appearances and she would not take the slight of an outdated dress to be presented for her name. In high hopes anastasia hopes that mother will surprise ella with dress of her own. Ella would be beautiful in many colors Not red, there has been too much red. 

Stifling away the last part she thought to herself. Anastasia decided it was time to go inside. Escaping only worked for a short time. If she was gone any longer drizella would scould her and that brought her headache just by the thought of it. 

The groar nearly stopped her in her tracks to her go inside. It seemed her hunger was winning out today. Mother did not want them within days of the ball to eat profusely. _We’d be spilling out of our dresses like dough_ , mother had said. 

Still she had to admit that there was sense in what mother had said but she did not want to die of starvation due to it. As she walked in the home. She quickened her steps to the kitchen in want of a slice of bread and jam. In her haste she nearly brought down her and ella.

Ella’s appearance gave the lingering shame time to fester to the top. Anastasia’s ear grew hot and she wished to speak but her mouth would not comply. Sweet ella reading her discomfort decided to speak up. “Which such determination to be in the kitchen I’d imagine you’re hungry?”

Anastasia smiled reached her cheeks but not her eyes. The feeling was there still and she could look at at ella in the eyes. But she saw ella’s feet move toward the bread bin. “Jam and bread i’m thinking, am I right?” That drew a laugh from anastasia. It’d be just like ella to be so thoughtful to remember her favorite snack. The kindness gave anastasia help to look at ella. 

Dear ella slicing bread and spreading jam on it was a view that she knew growing up. It shouldn't have been a surprise for ella to have that memorized. Still anastasia found herself pouring two glasses of milk for herself and ella. 

“You know we would be wonderful barmaids with our ability to read each other’s minds.”  
Not only was the laughter spilling but incidentally so was the milk. The white substance had began to pool over the glass itself.

“Oh no, i’ll get that hold on one moment-” Ella was moving towards the rag that was at the tabletop where anastasia was standing. Darting out her hand anastasia grabbed the rag and began to sop up the milk. “Ana move on, i’ll get it.”

Anastasia moved the rag out of ella’s reach and continued to clean the mess. “Give me the rag anastasia.” Ella’s voice gave away a little of the panic that she felt. But anastasia kept the rag between her fingers. “No ella, this is my mess clean.”

For a time they both stood staring at the spilt milk. In the gap of silence of the demands. Anastasia stared at ella’s face. Her lips had finally healed and her movement earlier indicated she had not feel as sore from the previous lesson. But the hands gave it away. Ella’s hands were burned from the sun from all the gardening she had to do this morning. But ella still wanted to clean anastasia mess. She shook her head at that.

“I’ll clean this ella, just sit down.” Ella looked to the table but anastasia saw that she had not moved an inch. “But if mother sees an-” Anastasia shushed her and with all the disciplining ella had received in her years, she went quiet. “Mother isn’t here right now, it’s just you and me.”

With that ella moved to sit at the table with the slices of bread. Anastasia continued to clean the mess and once she was done. She brought the drinks to the table. Sitting across each other, they ate in silence. Not in an uncomfortable one but one that just gave them time to think. 

The snack came to a close quickly to the smallness of it but anastasia did not wish it to end so soon. “Ella are you done with the chores of today?” The question was a new one that ella had never thought anastasia would ask. “I am until supper. Why ana?”

“You can still tell if i’m flat on my flute, correct?” Anastasia smiled at the idea of playing for ella. It’d be just like when they were younger. In times of happiness and foolishness. “I can but what does-” 

“Come I have to practice ella, you’ll help me won’t you?” Without a word they both got up and washed the dishes together. The water sounded like a calming spring to anastasia then. The water was playing a melody on the glasses and silverware. She hummed the melody of a song ella used to sing. Ella caught on and hummed with her.

Of course that song came to an end but another came in it’s place soon after. Anastasia had always loved playing the flute. It took her away for a little while and it seemed it took ella away to. Ella had always loved to dance when mother wasn’t looking. But she was allowed that freedom in the open due to the ball. Ella danced to the tune so happily she looked like a music box ballerina.

The day after that was like any other. Mother arrived with drizella and suddenly everyone went back to their places. But anastasia tried to do small things. From slipping ella her slice of cake and secretly helping her with the dishes that night. 

But anastasia did something she had not done in a very long time. After she was sure mother and drizella were sleeping. She crept from her bed and let the shadows lead her back to ella’s door. Ella never could lock her door after the incident of mother finding her there laughing. It was that occurrence that stopped the visits. All those years of not going back but she found herself drenched in moonlight in front of ella’s door. 

Anastasia knocked as quiet as she could. Silence followed after that and she nearly walked away but the all too familiar creak gave away. Anastasia walked into ella’s room and saw anastasia at the window. Without a word they watched the garden in the moonlight. 

After a short time, anastasia sat down and ella followed soon after. Anastasia looked all over her room. It was strange but it felt like a farewell to the room. Looking at ella it felt the same. All her memories were nearly sweet with ella. If not for her mother’s ways she believed they would have been sisters out loud. But living in the past is for fools and neither could afford it.

She grasped ella’s hand and held it tightly. Just as drizella had held onto hers all those years ago in the garden. Anastasia vision blurred and she could not for a time comprehend why. She tasted it before she could understand. It tasted like salt but it wet her lips by it’s touch. Ella’s hand wiped them away and the silence furthered in the room. 

Time would not halt for them although they both it would. But anastasia and ella knew she’d have to leave. Knowing the time was right for her to leave, anastasia looked all around and saw the petals on the table near ella’s bed.  
Crinkled and rotten they laid there. The color resembling something dead but it brought a life to anatasia chest she had not felt in such a long time. Ella stood up and walked to the middle of the room. It was muscle memory after that. Anastasia walked to her and hugged ella. It felt literally only a breath of a second but it was enough. They could live with enough.

As anastasia walked to the doors, she stopped and uttered the first words of the visit. “With everything coming promise you’ll remember me dear ella.” Anastasia could not see ella but ella gulped a deep breath of air and asked why. “We’ve reached marriageable ages ella, there’s no reason to believe we’ll stay forever in this tomb of a house.” 

The silence was stifling in such a shut in room. Ella went to open the window to at least allow some noise back to the room. The click of the window opening prompted anastasia speak again. “Just always remember me in this room. Where mother doesn’t exist to us. Remember me with smile on my face. You’ll remember me happily won’t you ella?”

Ella looked at anastasia’s silhouette by the door. How was she supposed to remember the girl with flames in her hair. Was it supposed to be a grown woman or a little girl who held her when she fell to the floorboards at the depths of night. _I’m never to leave this place but I hope you do little flame girl_. “I will, ana.”

“Promise?” 

“Promise.”

With that anastasia left ella’s room and the moonlight shined on the silvery doorknob. Ella could’ve sworn she saw it quiver in her leaving.

* * *

Ella tried to sleep but the darkness could not find her. It was always hard to find the darkness for it was always light that kept her up. She wished it leave and let her go but it stayed always in her vision. But time passed enough and the unexpected visit left her drained. It was the swaying of the trees that put her to sleep that night. If she was being entirely honest with herself. She’d admit the flute’s melody still echoed in her ears. It was a blissful sleep she got that night.

A sleep so deep she had forgotten to close the window. The night’s breeze trickled in soundlessly and swept the crinkled rose petals out the window. Ella could not see but if she did, she might say they danced on their way out. Some might even say they quivered nonetheless the petals were gone. The breeze swept away any memory of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been wanting to write an Anastasia centered chapter and behold it's here! So both drizella's and the lady tremaine's absence from this chapter may seem too convenient for the chapter to happen. But there is a reason and you'll be finding that out real soon. As always thank you for reading! I hope you liked the new addition to the story!


	7. It began with burnt sticks and what is left is bloodied stones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A plan falls in place and the bodies follow it all the way down to the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics serve as inner thoughts and memories when it applies.

Waking in the morning was one of the many things that day, that drizella did not wish to do. Yet as obedient as she was, she rose and began the day for the preparations for the ball. 

If time could be willed to stop or slow down painfully. She would’ve given anything to do it. But time was to be a cruel player in her life for the day approaching. The day brushed by quickly and sickeningly without problem. Drizella hoped for mother to drink a bit too much in the morning. Hoping that would stop mother- _to stop what she was to do_.

Drizella looked to nearly every idol she could think of to pray to or beg to. But they all proved to be false as she sat in front of mother’s vanity. None gave this damned situation a notice. Time was not slowed and mother was there behind her. Her hand’s wove into her daughter’s hair. 

It felt hours that drizella sat there having mother do her hair in some intricate fashion. The whole time, her mother spoke little whispers into the air for her to hear. “You’ll be happy for this hair, you know.” Sometimes she even talked of how hair was a tell of a woman’s worth. It was in those time did drizella feel a stinging in her eyes.

As mother spoke, drizella tried to keep her eyes plastered to her reflection in the mirror. But mother would always catch her in those frail moments and stroke her raven hair. In those moments drizella broke and glanced at the glinting silver scissors. They taunted her with their gleaming streaks they cast on her hands. 

The connected blades looking like a mouth that was casting judgement. But drizella reasoned with herself in those moments. _Scissors cannot talk and if they did they’d cut their lips in shreds. So really even then they would never speak at all_. It was crude logic but it calmed her rushing heart enough to not show mother her jumpiness. 

Mother if she had noticed, did not make it known to drizella. But drizella could not focus on mother too much. It was reminder did she did not care for. But she did care but for a reason that made her heart ache for the cut it will leave. For everyone involved and _Anastasia_... drizella trailed off on that thought. 

To protect her sister is what will get her through it. That is what she repeated in her mind, on edge of mother’s chair. Even in front of mother, time quickened past. The suddenness of mother’s pat startled drizella. Meeting her mother’s eyes, it was without words. Her mother’s eyes said _fetch your sister_. 

And she rose with heed to her sister’s room. But in passing to Anastasia room, drizella crossed ella’s due to the path. _Do not look back, you’ll be a fool to do so_. Yet she stopped there in front of Ella's door waiting. But waiting for what she did not know. Without realizing it, drizella discovered her hand on Ella's doorknob. Her hand shook and for a split second, she almost let her hand twist the knob to let her in. 

But she let go as if it burned her fingers. Holding her hands to her chest, drizella tried to calm herself down by breathing in and out deeply. Still she was in front of Ella's door. Staring at the wood as if it will give her sympathy. _Or give her forgiveness_. It would not be deserved. Never be deserved but drizella laid her hand on the highest place she could on the wooden part of the door. And she apologized. 

The door would give her nothing or say nothing. But she did it all the same. It was callous the way time slowed down in that moment. It was if time was whispering, _feel it all, feel what you’ve chosen to do_. That broke her out of that loop of stolen time. 

_There is no choice in this_. Drizella let her hand fall to side that thought. She took a last glance at the door and continued onward to her sister’s room. But she continued on to that thought from before. _There is only to do as told or have that done to you instead_. That gave her some twisted form of comfort. 

But her steps faltered on her exit and she stopped once again before turning into her sister’s room. Drizella craned her neck to the path that was to Ella's room before. The moment felt suspended and as much as she hated herself for it. She was happily a fool so her heart could feel some ease. _She will always have that door to block her to some degree from mother.. And from me_. 

And she was grateful for that small victory for Ella. Even though deep in her heart, she knew it was not a victory. _It was a symbol of mockery of Ella's safety_. Still she looked back at the path. But she turned the doorknob of Anastasia's room. 

Truly that said all the difference and she stepped through her sister’s door. The clicks of the her heels and the click of the door resounded through the crevices of the house. And sadly it was the one time in drizella’s whole life in the house. Did she ever think the house had ever fallen silent.

* * *

Swoop by swoop her hands labored the edges of the aged cloth. The berries had given it a darker hue of red with she admired distractedly. Without much thought she tied the last remaining knot for the dress. Sighing with relief her hands fell to her sides.

It was nearly sundown but she had done it. The dress was finished and Ella could not have thought up a more beautiful image. The dress was not a divine masterpiece but it was a pretty thing. After so many years of fixing and repairing the ladies's clothes had taught her a thing or two. The silk will hang low from her shoulder, when she puts it on. The bodice was a tricky thing but it was actually the mice that scurried around her room that gave her an idea. 

The mice loved to cross each other’s path when running away from her when she made a sudden noise.The weaving movements they made was how Ella placed the lacing pattern in the back. It was to be tight fitting and that made Ella blush a bit. But a blushing lady was always the one who acquired the happiness at the end of the story. 

Ella would play that part if only for one night. _Tonight to be exact_. She knew that it’d best to not dilly dally about but she couldn’t looking at the dress. Ella even found some of mother’s old jewelry. The false red gems made a beautiful necklace when roped together. _Twirling around, i’ll look like a loose flame_.Dragging her arms up, she holds the dress close to her chest. It was not to be the prettiest gown but it was hers. That would be her victory for the night. That will be enough. 

The sound of clinking heels announced the preparation of the night for the other ladies were nearly done. It was no matter to Ella. It was only a small time ago in the day did she touch up her face. Drizella had taught her all the ways to improve the face and Ella thought she did at least a decent job at it. 

With a faintly painted face, Ella knew that she had to put on her dress though. The shoes would come last. Slipping into the gown was a stressful thing. Without the help of someone else it took her a great deal of time to fully tie the ribbons correctly. But for Ella at the time, it was a day of miracles. 

Knowing her own body the dress nearly fit like a glove. Of course it was not a perfect fit but Ella was proud nonetheless. The clinking she suddenly noticed had grown quieter and quieter. In distress of the thought of them leaving without her. Ella slipped her feet into the velvet red slippers. 

Hastily she ran down with her long ash brown hair trailing behind her. _If the lady is not impressed with the gown then surely my hair will please her_. It was the one thing the lady tremaine ever complimented Ella on. She remembered when the lady had always compared it to a weeping willow branch. Ella wore her hair with pride, the long ashen crown flying behind her as she reached the foot of the stairs.

The lady tremaine stood at the door with a most elegant gown on. The light blue complimented her silvery hair. Drizella and Anastasia flocked on either side of her. Ella admitted to herself that her dress was not up to par with the ladies but it was to get her to and from the ball. 

Ella stood there looking at them, waiting for them to turn to be escorted out with them. But as the lady tremaine began to step out. Ella spoke out from the foot of the stairs. “Lady tremaine, i’m ready as well.” Anastasia faltered a step and swung back with a look of surprise. 

“Truly mother, you're allowing Ella to come!” The joy shone from Anastasia's face. Bringing a smile to Ella herself. For a small time their was joy in Ella's body but the lady’s lack of a response was troubling. The stillness of the lady tremaine’s neck loosened with a booming laugh. Her laughed beamed at all corners of the house’s entry. But it was not a laugh of joy and Ella found herself stepping back on the stairs. 

It was with a tornado like whirl did the lady tremaine face her then. Both Ella and the other ladies were a few feet away but it felt to Ella that the room had gotten uncomfortably smaller. Drizella still faced away from her, Ella had noticed. But sweet anastasia looked to Ella. There was fear in her eyes and spec of defiance. 

“Darling Ella, look at the floors; They’re absolutely filthy.” The lady’s arm gestured to the spotless floor and Ella felt a great heat rise to her neck. Ella had slaved upon this house since the early morn to avoid this and it was with drizella’s finally facing her did Ella know something was awfully wrong. 

Drizella looked immaculate. Poised and proper in her gown that draped her body to have her appear taller. It succeeded and as drizella began to step towards her. Ella felt she grew taller with every step. Ella never feared drizella in her whole life but drizella’s eyes had no emotion in them. _It was if buttons had taken the place where her eyes should’ve been_. 

With a final clink of a heel, drizella stood above Ella; Even with Ella still on the stairs. A frightful ping went to her heart as she realized that drizella resembled the lady with the shadows casting down on drizella’s face. _Or maybe she always looked like mother_. 

Ella tightened her hold on the side of her dress. She wish she could not be scared but she was. It was the way the lady tremaine smiled at drizella as she moved towards Ella. It was the way the smart drizella look devoid of all thought and Anastasia looked as if she had been poured on by a fierce rain. But for a good moment everyone was still. No one stirred from their spots and Ella closed her eyes and imagined the place she always felt furthest away from this damned house. _A small island with the ocean echoing off stone walls_. A little place to dream of. But reality came crashing back to her with a single touch.

“This necklace you have on looks terribly familiar Cinderella.” 

Blinking rapidly, Ella regains her vision and finds drizella glaring at the necklace she adorns for the ball. Taking a stunted moment Ella answers back, “It was collecting dust; I only wished to borrow it for a night.”

The quietness swept over the room once more and with a sweep of sharpened nails. The necklace flew to the floor and crashed harshly. All the red shimmering stones scattered to all sides of the shining floor. Ella places her hand where the stone hung from her neck a second ago. With a stinging sensation, Ella looks down to see red scratches marking parts of her neck and chest. Taking her shaking hand off the new wound, Ella sees smeared blood on the tips of her fingers.

Trying to step back frantically away from drizella. Ella feels a strong grip pull to the bottom of the stair to the floor. Ella moves quickly enough to dash away from the grip but slips on her red dress and crashes to the foot of the stairs. 

Disorientated Ella holds her head in ache. But the pain is deepened when she feels a weight put upon her battered back. She begins to fight back but has her shoulders crushed to the ground by two firm hands. Ella yells please stop but even she cannot hear herself speak. Her vision is distorted still and so is hearing. She thinks she hears Anastasia screaming no but she cannot be sure. Then there is the booming laugh and the sound of someone pleading above her to stop moving.

Still it is all loss to her due to the shakiness of her senses; however, there another weight thrown on her with the person holding her. As Ella kicks back and tries to squirm out of the hold. She remembers an old voice yelling at her to run _Run little light, go where darkness cannot find you_. It a forgotten voice for she cannot put a face to the voice. But it triggers her to fight harder but suddenly there is someone holding her legs down with such a grip. It shall leave bruises she knows.

Ella blinks her eyes to regain some hold on what’s happening but her mind is cleared then. She knows then what is going to happen. _They’re all going to do what the lady does to her when she is deep in her drink_. Ella clenches her legs and throws her body back and forth. But the hold is strong and Ella can see from the reflection off the window in front of her. _Sisters_ , they were supposed to be my sister’s. The sight burns in her eyes and she feels a wet trickling slide down her face. The reflection is blinded off by the figure of the lady tremaine. 

Her figure cast a shadow and the darkness of it nearly swallows them whole. Ella looks down and her body is devoid of light and with great struggle, she branches her hand into the light next to the lady’s dress pooling on the floor.

That is when Ella feels the coldness of the metal at the back of her neck. Ella stills her neck in revulsion and fear. _If i’m to die, i’ll die with dignity. Just as the lady taught me_.

But the metal cuts through her hair instead. Laying there, Ella holds one hand to her neck and the other immersed in the light. The weight on her legs and back are lifted and the girls file by their mother like wings. _Like condors, they’re all condors_. 

Bringing herself up on her knees, Ella's frame shakes a small bit but she finds the strength to stand. It is just like before. Ella by the foot of the stairs and the other’s in the entry way. But Ella pays no mind to the sameness of the situation. Her eyes are red and her neck bloodied but she stands looking to them all. Ella finds a small victory in the shakiness of anastasia’s breathing and the messiness of drizella hair. But it her greatest victory that the lady cannot smile at her standing form.

A breeze comes through the door and it invites Ella to run. To run away from all of this. _Run as you did before, run away fast on those burnt feet of yours_. 

And she does.

Anastasia nearly follows her to beg her to come home but her steps faltered at the thought that this will never be home to her again after tonight. Drizella looks on and so does the lady tremaine before she speaks. “Daughters that was the final lesson.”

Both girls freeze at that but drizella for the first time in her life screams at mother. “What kind of sick lesson is that!” Realizing the consequences, drizella shuts her mouth and waits for the striking hand. But it comes instead in a caress of the hair. 

The lady tremaine looks to both of her daughters with a smile that is so big. One would think it’d hurt the lady. But she only stops smiling to say softly to them both, “The lesson is that love isn’t enough. That’ll never be enough but this is life. And sometimes people just aren’t _cut_ out for it.”With that the lady moves to the front of the house and calls for the ladies to follow.

* * *

It is only a little while longer that the lady tremaine recalled of the sight of seeing her Cinderella leave. She ran with that ripped red train of hers blazing through the forest. It was actually amusing to think about how little Cinderella looked like a fire spreading through the forest. But it was another thought that had the lady look lovingly to the darken forest. She whispered even under her breath and it was,

“How the cinder has turned to ash.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated as fast as I usually do! Everything is hectic but here's the new addition to the story! I hope you guys enjoyed it for the sake of reading and not for the abusive context in the text. Nonetheless I hope everyone stays around because i'm already writing the 8th chapter! Thanks for reading!


	8. Where my feet cannot take me, that is where I find you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Answers are always found at our most torn edges

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics serve as inner thoughts and can be used for commutative purpose when it applies. This applies to memories as well.

Her feet pressed hard on the ragged pebbles. She could feel them carving spaces on her soles but she could not stop. The air felt unreasonably warm with her chilled skin. With every stride the dust came up in great puffs. Choking on the dust she stopped for a moment.

Looking around she could only make out long shapes, she knew were trees. Pushing herself back away from the dark ominous shapes she bumped into another tree. She wished she could close her eyes and wake up in her small worn bed but she would never go back there. 

The thought alone had her body prepped to run and without a second’s notice, her legs carried her further into the dark woods. She could still hear them all. _They were laughing at me_. She swore she had heard it as she ran from the doors.

But it did not matter to her anymore. _A coward cannot dwell on the past. A coward has no right to dwell at all_. But she remembered it all in flashes. Swept back storm grey hair standing over her like a thunderous cloud. If she were back in her room she’d think of how her tears were the rain. In some story she’d rise and smite the beast but this is not a story. This is real and she could feel it all. 

The stinging of the slashes on her neck and chest stung with every breeze she ran through. The soles of her marked feet being carved into with every frantic step. It was even in her lungs as she pushed the air in and out like battle of hands. She felt it all as she ran into the darkness. She only wished to end the feeling. 

What a feeling is pain and anger. What a delicious drink it was to the thirsty maid that ran like fire was at her heels. But all the thoughts ceased to be moved when she found herself at a sudden stop. 

Running would only lead to her death for there was a crumbling bridge before her. It looked near collapse and she felt a connection with the aged stone. Placing herself dangerous near where the bridge fell off mid way. The girl slides her hand slowly over the stoned rail. _Frail and shredded just like me_. 

The breeze carried her shortened hair to the side of her face. The obstruction of her vision kept her from seeing a small hooded woman at the other side of the bridge. Still the girl continued to stare at the stone for a second longer. But her gaze followed the end of the rail, where she could see the dark black water beneath her. 

The stream looks refreshing to her she realizes and without her mind speaking to her body. The girl begins to tear off more of her ruined red gown. It is strange but the water looks so inviting to her. As if the rifts of water falling against another where lips speaking to her. They spoke so charmingly to her. 

_Swim little one, swim away and forget who you are_. The water called to her like an old lullaby. It sang to her a sweet song of the cold and she was tired of the heat of the day. 

The girl with burnt feet swung her feet back and forth of the ledge of the broken bridge. There was not a candle lit window in sight only the moon watching in the sky. Tears did not come to her and she promised herself with a deep anger searing through her chest. That they’ll never return. 

For a moment she felt herself nearly let go of the grip she had on the old bridge but her body stilled. But she could not even more her own limbs; however, it seemed her eyes were still in her possession. Looking around from corner to corner of what her vision would allow her, she could not settle on one thing in her glances.

But it was slight movement from across the broken bridge that had the girl’s eyes settle. The figure was draped in a long hooded cape. It was far enough where the girl couldn’t clearly see who it was but as she thought this. The hooded stranger moved closer to her.

She tried to move from her frozen stance but yet she could not. Pulling every muscle she possessed in effort to move. Only prove to tire her further. In that state weakness, she feared she’d fall in the water moving beneath her. The water appeared to move more harshly against one another as she peered down. _Let it be my choice if I fall or not_ , she begged. 

But even as she felt her eyes grow weary, her body felt like brick. _But even bricks fall when tipped over_. There was a moment where she felt the air around her had took hold of her and gently released. 

She felt it first with her fingertips. Inching them slowly back. It was a struggle but she found herself capable of moving her hands. With great effort, she pushed her body back from the ledge with every push of her palms. The stoned ground felt like sandpaper upon her skin but with the water crashing against one another underneath the aged bridge. It gave her strength to drag herself away from the ledge. 

Once she was far enough away, she looked up to see the figure next to the edge she had previously moved away from. The girl’s mind started to turn quickly. _It isn’t possible, they had to swim and there’s not even_ -

_What do you know of possibility_? It was a voice that was not her own, speaking to her in mind. Afraid. The girl moved her head away from the masked figurine. There was stillness taking over nearly her body but she fought against it but it tired her to do so. 

_What do you know of choice_? The voice was a gravely one to hear. With dark richness, the voice questioned her. The girl attempted to speak but her mouth stayed shut due to the suddenness of it all.

_What do you know of anything at all_? With that question the figure moved towards her slowly. Pushing every bone and muscle in her body she could utilize, she attempted to move away. But with every push of her palm. The girl could feel her legs become her own again. The blood flowed freely back to them in a violent stream causing her to halt for a moment. 

With every move away she took, the figure moved again towards her. With every step the figure took, the questions raised in loudness in her mind from the figure.

_What do you know of laughter_? Another push of the palms. _What do you know of cowardice_? A push of legs backwards. _What do you know of the light_. A frantic crawl away again. _What do you know of the darkness_? 

With that question, the girl rose to her knees unsteadily. Looking away from the masked figure, it asked a final question. _Who are you_? Shaking legs wobbled to bring her torso straight up. But she rose. She rose like a flag admitting their surrender. _Admitting their defeat_. With that thought she hung her head down and waited for the push of the bridge.

But it did not come.

However the voice answered her back softly. _And what is the name of the defeated that stands before me_? The question took her by surprise. Reaching deep inside herself. She refused to find the answer. _Who am I_? She thought to herself. _I am Cinderella, just as the lady taught me_? But she dismissed that answer angrily. 

_Ella, I am Ella?_ But the thought stirred a wounded feeling in her chest. Bringing her hand to touch the scratches. She felt her shortened hair brush her dusty fingers. With that the girl stood unable to answer the question.

The quietness blanketed over them. She felt suffocated in the stillness of the air but she stared at the shadowed face. Unable to see their face, she spoke in her mind defiantly. _And what is the name of the conqueror standing hooded in front of me_. Fear crawled throughout her spine at the audacity she had to question. But the hooded figure moved towards her again with an answer of their own.

_Have you forgotten yourself or are you running away from the answer_. The question only prompted her anger at being ignored the question she had asked. Throwing her hands away from her slashes on her chest and neck. She stood defiantly with a glare in her eyes. But the figure asked the question again. _Who stands before the hooded figure in need a savior_?

Her throat clenched as did her teeth at the idea that she needed to be saved. _I had run away from that damned house. I pulled myself out of that raging water all those years ago. I stand before you in no need of savior_.  
The masked figure said nothing. Not in her head or out loud for a time. It was not a quietness over them. For the girl knew she had not answer fully. But she found herself choking on the forgotten name before the burns. _Before the fire_. 

The thought must have triggered the figure, it stood so close to her then that she refused to move. Bravely she spoke to the hooded figure through her mind. _I know of possibilities, I've gone through them countless times when i’m afraid. I know of choices, I know the choice was mine to run. To hide away in the dark forest. I know laughter and how it can die in your throat. I know that so well and I know i’m not a coward, I saved myself from the darkness in that home. I know the light shines on me when i’m afraid in the darkness that i’m in now. I know who i am in the shining light. The question is do you know who are you in the blind light_?

Standing before her the hooded figure turned its back to her and began to move towards the jagged ledge. As it moved from her it spoke to her in a rushed tone. _There isn’t enough time for questions about a hooded figure in the woods. We must get you ready_. 

The awkwardness of the topic shift baffled her but she still wondered on what was said right then by the hooded figure. “For what?” She said sadly to the back of the figure moving from her. The figure stopped and for a short minute. It felt as if the girl had felt a sense of sadness coming from the masked figure. But as quick as it came, it was gone in nearly half the time it took to arrive.

_The ball, what else for_? A happiness took over her lips and smiled blossomed there where she thought it could not do after what happened only a small time before she began running. Feeling foolish for the happiness she expressed, she dejectedly looked down at her ruined state. “I’m not fit to be seen by anyone at this state i’m afraid,” she sighed. “But I can see the lights faintly for the ball, that’ll keep me for now.”

Again the stubborn silence came to take their voices from them once more. _So your hair is cut? So your dress is ruined, all those trivial matters can be solved._. Puzzled to what the stranger spoke to her in her mind. The girl was going to move a bit closer and was about to ask on how it could be solved.

Just as she attempted the small step towards the figure. It was said suddenly through her mind, _All you have to do is just catch me_. Immediately after she heard it clearly in her mind. The figure started to move so intensely to the edge of the broken bridge.

Without thinking the girl ran after the hooded figure in fear they would fall to the water. _Goodbye, girl who needs no savior_. The voice sounded heavy in her head and confused she spoke back. 

_Rey_ She feels her voice cracked at thinking of the name after missing it for so many years. “My name is rey.” At the figure’s heels she pulled back the cape to stop them from falling off the edge but the strangest thing happened next.  
The hooded cape was no longer a cape but a snow white gown. Looking around frantically, she could not see the stranger that wore the hooded cape. Even below her in the river, she could not see a single person. 

Sitting there on a ledge, she held onto the dress tightly. As she did this, she thought of all the things that happened that could not be explained. The hooded figure moving from both sides of the bridge. How it could read her mind and speak to her through it as well. Even how the gown came from the worn cape, the figure had worn around itself. But importantly, where did they go?

_It cannot be possible-_

_But it is, rey. But it is_. The voice was so loud in her mind but again she looked to every corner she could think of looking. To the crevices of shadows on the branches and to the waters that below her. _But you jumped, you should be-_.

The vice interrupted her once again. _Should be what? Dead you mean to say rey. I remember a girl who survived this river before. Is she still there underneath that torn gown of yours. Have the cinders turned to ash_. 

Recounting all the things said to her, she ponders on the thoughts the voice expresses. But the train of thought is broken by the hurried tone of the voice. _It is no matter rey. You haven’t much time. The gown you have in your hands isn’t a permanent kind of cloth. It may only have a couple of hours left but you’ll know when it’ll come to it’s end. You’ll first smell the scent of smoke and after that you must leave the ball because only a small time after that will the gown turn to ash_.

Slipping on the gown as quickly as she could. A pair of slippers falls to her feet in a chattered sound. Reaching down, she picks up the slippers to see that they’re entirely made of glass. _The shoes won't they-_.

_No harm will come to you from the shoes_. Just as she is about to question him further of how it is possible. She hears his voice say something so familiar for some reason it makes her heart ache.

_Run rey, run and never forget who you are_. Looking down once again to the water below her. She says a farewell to the sad stranger. _Goodbye_.

As she began to walk away from the edge. That’s when she heard the voice one last time. _Goodbye rey, may the force be with you_.

And rey could never understand what possessed her to say what she said back. But her voice simply whispered, “always.”

With that she ran away to the castle in those glass slipper of hers. Doing the only thing she knew to do, to follow the light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright another new addition! I hope you all liked it or at least enjoyed it! Action is coming up soon, so be sure to stick around for the newest update. That i'm hoping won't be too far from now. Thanks for reading as always! I'd also like to apologize for not responding to your wonderful comments. I'm such an awkward person when it comes to talking to new people! I hope you guys understand but thank you to everyone who comments! I'll try to get out of my shell and start responding because i'm not a hermit I swear! But again thanks for reading!


	9. Rising from the same flame, we both got burned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is a feeling that moves us to stand but it is also feelings that can cause us to fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics serve as inner thoughts and memories when it applies. It also can be used for communication purposes.

Everything was nearly ready for the night, after all the preparations, council meetings, training, and lessons. It was finally done. Tonight was to be everything they planned. That much was decided by the king.

_Remember it is all an act_. He could still hear the king’s words in his mind. It calmed him and it prompted kylo to begin the final preparation. He moved to the balcony that was anointed with his room. But he knew that no time could be wasted. He called for his second in command.

_Is it already prepared_? There was a silence that followed afterwards but it seemed interruptions of his personal peace, would be a running theme for this night. Hux came through the room with that same snarky stepping once again. But tonight was not a night to argue with the troublesome red man.

_He’ll prove himself useful tonight if it works_. The thought to himself brought a tense look to his face. Hux face turned almost as red as his hair when he noticed kylo’s change of demeanor. “Don’t think I don’t know that you’re talking about me in that entitled little mind of yours, ren”

“Everyone talks to themselves in their own minds, hux.” Sarcasm rolled off spitefully in his tone. Kylo could never understand why this infuriating man could think of himself high enough to where he thought it’d be acceptable to question him. But as he thought before, this man did think of tonight’s plan. That deserved some respect he loathed to admit.

The plan was simple enough that it could be believable to everyone welcomed to come to the  
ball. _A stupid notion that only ruffled the feathers of mindless ladies_. Still he had to appreciate the brilliance of the idea hux had created days before the invitations were sent out. The tactic was nearly perfect. The memory was one still fresh in his mind.

* * *

_”The people are becoming relentless from all parts of the kingdom. The republic is blatantly helping the resistance and they still continue to rub against the sleeves of our kind. But there is no action against them? Where is our backbone, have we gone weak under the influence of a dark robed boy. Where has the order gone in the first order chain of command?!_ ”

_The roar of applause came from various parts of the council’s meeting quarters. Kylo looked to the faces that cheered on the idiot’s horribly shielded insult towards himself. Kylo steeled himself at the tastelessness of it all that he was witnessing. Thinking to himself he knows that in front of the king they wouldn’t be acting a fool towards the pretender that spoke before them_.

He allowed the applause to rise in loudness for a small bit. But after the cheering of the man’s name in obnoxious tones came, he had to stop it. It’d be impolite not to, kylo thought to himself.

Swinging his hand upwards in the unfortunate speaker’s direction. The speaker rose from the ground in a startling intensity. The speaker’s skin turned an unnatural color as the onlookers looked on with controlled terror. The laughter and cheering broke into fearful silence. He can work with that. Speaking out clearly kylo recited the lines.

“Always attack when there is laughter or joyful distraction. It makes the attack all that more of a show when the laughter dies in everyone’s throats.” With that final line, he flicked his wrist fiercely to the left. The floating man’s necks followed directly after.

The sound of the large thumping brought all surprised eyes to kylo.  
They thought I was not here, what a foolish thought. For a moment he nearly forgot what he was to do here in front of his knights. As much as he hated his second in command, hux proved himself to be sure of himself in front of a crowd that had just watch their brother in arms killed. Hux stood and yelled into the crowd, “REMEMBER WHO IS THE REAL ENEMY!”

Everyone heard on as hux continue to lecture to them of their purpose in this room. “Fighting for power within our core will destroy us before the resistance even have a chance to. Your fallen brother was right only about the insult that the republic continue to give us by helping the enemies. But don’t forget who is your prince, don’t forget that the order can and will continue with or without your cooperation.”

The flock of arms raised in a near unison. The sight brought a tight smile to hux’s thin lips. “Now that we’ve come to an agreement, let us talk of the reason of why we’re here. I have an idea that might bring honor to the dead man lying there. Let us plan in his memory.”

Kylo tracked the numbers of the eyes that shifted sadly to the dead man. Faces to remember if there is a rebellion within the first order, he thought to himself. Hux continued on with the plan and the visual reminder of nearly everyone’s attention towards his second in command. Brought him back to the plan ahead.

“Every year we hold the kingdom’s meeting of nobilities. As you all know it is strictly business just attaching a drink and dinner so we don’t appear impersonal with the more powerful public; however, I have a proposition that will put the resistance’s help to end with the republic. It has become apparent to many that the general people are beginning to rebel and resist. This doubt is even coursing through the more powerful families of the first order. We need to display our power, we must make them fear us.”

The speech seemed to move everyone within the room but there were a few that paused and froze. It was with great curiosity that it was always the same individuals and kylo would look into their minds and it was always the same thought they had.  
This is- this- what we’re doing isn’t- it’s wrong  
.

But yet, these individuals were the best in their ranks. They had the strength, the wits, and frankly the power to leave. To fight, to rebel. But they stayed fixed into their quarters and called by their serial numbers. The fear kept them with the first order and no matter how much the other loved the first order. It was always fear that would hold them stuck to their positions.  
They allude themselves to love us because they’ll have to face the fear if they don’t.

For a moment kylo thought he heard a whisper sent to his psyche. The voice was weak but it was caught for a small second. But the moment skidded past with hux’s speech coming to a close.

“This year’s dinner shall be a ball. The grander and more dedicant the better. We’ll use the ruse of our dear prince’s coming of age. Let it be a message that the prince is of marriageable age. With that invitation, there will be no refusal from the highest of families. In addition, the lower classes will come as well. Everyone shall be invited. That is when we strike. Kill anyone who resist, leave the faithful alive. Leave the fearful ones injured. The brave ones, those you are to annihilate but make a show of it.”

Hux made a point to stare on at kylo as he said the last remark. Kylo kept the eye contact until he heard that same whisper again. Breaking focus, kylo continued to try to silence the questions his troops began to ask.  
That voice... where is it coming from?

He scanned the room with his eyes and looked to every person in uniform. The white armor glinted off his knights and he took pride from that.  
The strongest army under my command.

That thought had kylo whip his head to try to find his highest ranking troops. With their helmets he couldn’t discern who was who but there were other ways of knowing. Focusing on the minds of his knights, he heard the same recycled propaganda that was given to them hourly.  
The only order is the first order. End to the resistance, long live the order. All hail the king. 

It was all the same until the voice whispered into his mind again. Kylo swore he heard it louder but he could still not make out what was said. Looking through his black mask, his eyes ventured more closely in hoping that it’d make it clearer.

But it was raising of the arms, did kylo knew the meeting had come to a close. Hux stood looking to the knights with the same thin smile his lips always produced after a speech of his. The red headed men nodded in his direction and began to walk out the room.

Following him were all of those under his control. Filing out in neat little rows but still kylo could not put the face to the whisper from before. It was not a huge matter he had decided and moved to leave from the other door. Just as he was leaving he heard the voice again and as he walked away he swore it was louder from the time before.

* * *

“Once your done reminiscing or peering into the minds of whomever, I’d think you’d be happy to know that everything is reading for tonight.” Hux’s rather rude comment would’ve reserved him one less hand to operate with. But his worth would be determined by tonight.

Still the interruption from his second in command was good timing for kylo to begin in his leaving. Still he stopped in front of his mirror that hung in his room. Just to make sure of his appearance for the night.

“Don’t worry your royal highness, your attire is appropriate.” Hux’s comment like this always irritated kylo. He knew that hux was not one with the force nor was he force sensitive. For if he was, he wouldn’t be standing before him in a high position in the first order. Still hux could sometimes estimate what kylo was thinking. This time the stubborn man just happened to be correct.

It was not that kylo had never dressed up before but rather never this nicely. In a black suit with a trailing black robe. It felt new but second nature to be in these muted color. Training clothes torn and sewn together again and the blasted robes he was forced to wear every annual dinner with officials. That is what he knew.  
But standing in front of him was someone he did not recognize _at least not without the mask_. Now kylo had never been a man to look to deeply upon himself daily but he was to be presentable for the night. He remembered king snoke’s words well for earlier that day. 

_”Dance with some pretty girls and join in the laughter. But remember who you are, don’t ever forget that_.

Staring at his reflection he knew himself as kylo ren and that was all that matters. His ‘resemblance’ to his father would not take that away now. “Thank you general, you are dismissed.”When hux stepped off it was less of a harsh sound and kylo was thankful for that. _Hux knew better than most on why he wore that mask_.  
Kylo broke away from the mirror and began to walk back to balcony. Tonight he would not wear the mask and that threw him off. He knew members that were old enough to remember might whisper of resemblances but it would not matter. He’ll dance with pretty girls and laugh at stupid jokes made. _Remember it’s all an act_.

Reaching the end of the balcony, the night sky melded perfectly to the dark forest surrounding the whole castle. A beautiful sight, the forest is he thought. _Where all the unapologetic wild things roam_.

But downwards, he saw all the people near the gate. In gowns too tight and shined jewelry to be on display. _It is all an act_. The breeze brushed his hair to his face and he felt it in a jolt. A feeling he could not describe but for a moment he felt a peace.

But the sound of loud conversations and everyone in the castle bustling about washed the feeling away with another breeze.The following breeze felt as if it was rushing him to the ball room, so he went with it and opened his doors strongly. The jolt was nothing he had decided.

_How wrong he was, he would only realizes once it was too late_.

* * *

_Either this breeze or this hair will be the death of me_. Rey felt the running had gone on for hours but she could clearly see the gates from a distance. Her beating heart fastened for another reason then.

The castle stood tall against the night. Its impressive grey stone walls spread towards the sky, blinding the moon from her view. But still she admitted to herself that the sight that stood before proved to be one of the finest she had ever seen.  
With no need to run, rey strode to the gates. The shoes although brought her discomfort, shone prettily against the lights that decorated the entry of the castle. Rey came to the conclusion that the ball must be already in way with no one surrounding the corner.

However in the corners and crevices, she could see men in white armor. _Storm Knights_. Rey remembered on how the lady Tremaine would speak of the first orders ways. She sounded delusional, talking about them as if she was one of them. Still the reminder of the lady brought a rage in rey’s heart that she could not steel.

But she walked on in hopes of having the lady see her. _Her Cinderella is gone, only rey remains now_. Finally reaching the doors to the castle. A realization struck her that she remembered that she had no invitation. Looking to the armored trooper that guarded the door, rey tried to find some explanation of why she had not have her invitation. But her mind pulled a blank.

Throughout the whole train of thought, it did not apparently come to rey to stop her feet from moving forward. So she found herself in front of the doors dumbfounded. The guard peered into her although she cannot see their eyes due to the mask. Giving up was not an option but in that moment it felt like a defeat.

Just as she was going to speak her mind, a man from behind her walked ahead of her. To then beginning to talk to the guard. “My party I came with left me at the gates to wait on my lady.” The man’s voice was a harsh and soft. The combination was lovely sound but no matter on the loveliness. Rey fumed behind the man as she was previously cut off.

During her silent fuming, the man and the guard began to argue on the man’s ‘validity’ of not having an invitation. Having heard enough of the pointless argument. Rey stepped by the man’s side to warn the guard that she was rather late to also meet up with her party as well. The stolen lie she knew was hardly a chance to get in but it was risk she was willing to take. _Just one night, that’s all I ask for. One happy night_. Her interruption had the man that cut her look to her with big eyes.

Without warning, the man grasped rey’s hand and rather sarcastically said to the guard. “As you can see my lady has arrived and looking rather beautiful than the last time I laid eyes on her, I must admit.” If rey had the time to think for longer than that second. She would’ve slapped the man who had grasped her hand as if she was some ploy.

However the ploy worked it seem. While their ‘hustle’ had been going on, a line began to form behind them. A rather upset one with entitled ladies asking for the prince. Rey rolled her eyes at that but with a hurried command the guard commanded them to go right on ahead.

As they both rushed in, rey could not care less of the reason of how they got inside. All that matters was that the music filled the room and everything was polished. It was materialistic she knew but for once she felt like she belonged in a room of shining things.

Her dress glimmered in the lights surrounding her and the man. It was the tremble in the grasp of the man that stood beside that broke her from the spectacle of the room. Snatching her hand away, she looked at the man fully for the first time.  
He was lean tanned man with blackened hair, which twirled more fantastically than her own. He reminded rey of a summer’s day in the garden. . She felt it in his hand.

Rey throughout the observation still was embarrassed by the whole instance. Looking at the man a final time she spoke out to him. “You’re very lucky I have somewhere to be or else I would’ve-“

“You would’ve danced with me that is what you would’ve done; however, my lady I have somewhere to be. A big importance so I’ll off.” The man nearly sauntered off until he looked back at her with a stare that defied his whole composition.

“But if you know what’s good for you. You should leave, this is a dangerous place. Filled with dangerous people.” He paused and looked up to the elaborate staircase beyond the edge of the room. Glaring at the spot his voice flattened from its previously airy tone.

“Remember my lady that I warned you to leave.” With that he left into the crowd of people. Rey stood dumbfounded by their whole interaction. _What a strange thing to say_ , she thought about the man that had left.

Still as she let her eyes glide over the crowds of people. There was something strange about it she had to admit. Everything was so polished it reflected so sharply off the knobs and trinkets. Even the people were so perfect. Their dresses layered like cakes and the men standing tall like candle wicks. Looking down to herself, rey admitted that she looked like she belonged there with them all.

Her dress glimmered like newly frosted snow on the morn. Even her shoes sparkled with the clear glass. Rey felt like light itself just swaying to the music but it felt off to her. _Why such a warning?_. But as she thought of the reasoning behind it. She felt the music get louder and it was if a button was pressed. The laughter roared and the joy on everyone’s faces blurred to one cohesive painted smile.

The warning rung in her head even as she watched the dancing grow faster in its steps. Rey did not wish to run away from this all but she had to admit. There was a strangeness to all this joy. _It feels borrowed, all of this is just borrowed time_.

Feeling the ending of the night already by the man’s odd warning. Rey walked the outskirts of the ballroom. Men and women in proud looking uniforms offered her drinks and small sized food. But rey just continued to walk on, unused to the attention but that is when she saw them.

_More particularly, her_. The lady Tremaine in her powder blue dress was laughing at the joke of man before her. Her painted face distorted into a smile that was so natural. Rey felt as if she was unnatural in her anger towards the woman. The yearning of wanting to be near her won out for a second but it all crashed back to her.

The tears and the marks on her skin. Lifting her fingertips, rey traced the scars on her chest. _A gift of a night like this is undeserving for such a ruined thing_. It was her thought she knew but rey heard the lilt of the lady Tremaine’s voice echoing in her mind.

Looking down to herself once more, rey nearly thought her ensemble was perfect. But with her clear glass slippers she saw the burn marks on her soles. Even the glimmering white gown stood against her red scratches so violently.

_To think I belonged in a room full of shining things, what a foolish thought to conceive_. Bringing her eyes to look upon the lady one last time, rey felt the familiar sting behind her eyes. The warning of the man with warm hands is what made her run out of the ballroom. At least that is what she told herself.

As she reached the outside of the ballroom, she realized that she had busted in the castle garden it appeared. With the darkness shrouding the greenery of the area, it was hard to see much. But the scent of crisp leaves and the aroma of floral gave off the idea of a vast garden.

The lights from the ballroom glowed through the glass windows and projected on her slippers. The reflection of herself in the slippers caused her to look away and begin to walk deeper in the garden.  
The deeper she went walked through the brick path, the more she felt a stirring peace in her mind. It was strange but she thought nothing of it. _Being away from all the lights and heavy scent of strong perfume_. She reasoned with herself.

The man from before still tampered with her peace though but it was being lifted with every step forward. _Just a man with the love to make women scared, that is all it was_.

Lost in her thoughts, she nearly walked into wall of bush. Steering her eyes around she could somewhat comprehend what was around her. Walls of bushes surrounded the area she was in. Although in the middle, the area was just cleared out completely.

The shadows clung to the edges of the bushes and the entrances from either side looked like dark holes in the garden. Rey knew she ought to have been frightened but she felt that constant peace gather even heavier in her mind.

But that moment did not last, fore rey heard the loud music still from the ballroom behind her. It should’ve not surprised her, the castle was huge in its size and it’d only make sense that the music would carry even to here.

Away from all the people inside, rey felt the music fill her more so than it did before. _No glances in my direction, no questionable looks on my scars_. The idea of knowing no one was watching gave rey a confidence and comfort.

Allowing herself this one foolish fancy, rey began to move to the music. All the lessons added up to something she remembered bitterly. But not even the sour memories could keep her from the dance.

It was only after a small while of doing proper dance did rey get bored of it and just began to move as she wanted. The song gracing her ears was a softer tune. The strings pulled so delicately, that rey only swayed on the tugs she could hear. But the song began to grow and the childish twirling followed.

Without realizing it, rey had begun to laugh out joyfully. Feeling as if she was dancing on air; rey twirled until her heart felt like a horse’s after a race through the woods. But even then, she could not bring herself to stop.

Yet the sound of a snapping twig could do the job quite efficiently. Frantically looking to the entrances of the little place she found herself in. She tried to find the maker of the noise.  
She heard the stepping first and then he came to her view. The moon lit up some of his body and silhouette. But it hard to fully see the man before her. Needing to feel fear, rey knuckled her hands tightly. But she found strangely, she was not afraid.  
Her body moved towards him until she realized this and with her own accord stop her feet from moving. Rey felt drawn to the figure and that should’ve scared her. _This should scare me_. But she felt only a peace. As if her mind was clear but still all tangled up at the same time.

A feeling that she did not recognize and she thought aimlessly to herself. That at least scared her a bit. The man’s figure that she could make out was that he was tall. Very much so and if the men before were candlewicks. Then this man held himself like a tall oak tree. His size should’ve get in a defensive stance but rey continued to look at him through the darkness. The silence reminded her of things she did not wish to remember and suddenly with a silent rage she thought angrily.

_Who are you_.

But the anger gave away to confusion as she heard a voice unlike her own speak clearly to her mind.

.

* * *

This night was perfect that much was right.  
As far as he could see, kylo saw all the people dancing and laughing with practiced joy. _It is all an act, even they know it to some extent_. Kylo wanted to laugh at the tragic irony of it but the act of what they were to do was clouding everything on his mind.

Kylo had decided to stop dancing at least for now. Too many of the ladies looked up to him with moon sized eyes. It reeked of desperation and fancied romanticism when he danced. Everyone would stop and watch him dance with this lady or the other. He could hear the minds questioning as he did. _What a lovely couple they’d make_. Then another, _she is the one, everyone else can see it_.

All their thoughts were wrong of course. This night was not of a fairytale. This prince has a duty to uphold. _There’s some romanticism in that, isn’t there_.

But letting that all go from before, kylo felt the need of air. As much as the chaotic emotions feed his power with the force. It was too overwhelming.  
_I cannot fail now_. That final thought guided him to his favorite part of this place; however, walking away from the ballroom was not an easy thing to do. With women and men all swarming him to listen to this joke or this story. It pushed him to the point of annoyance.

Bur finally he did leave the bloody damn ballroom. _Not yet bloodied but in time_. It was his own thought but it felt heavily like the king’s words. Pushing himself forward to distract from that thought. He moved deeper in the garden.

The garden always made him content. He really never understood why though. Although he loved the scenery it gave him it was never that, that brought him to the garden. _It serves as an escape_. The hurled out thought of his brought him to a stop. It was not something he should’ve thought to himself. Especially now with the king so near. _A foolish thought, a dangerous one as well_.

Brushing away the worry of the king’s presence, kylo kept his pace. Calmness took over him it seemed to him as he moved in the greenery of the garden. There was even an off-putting feeling he could not understand coming over him.

_Nerves, that’s all it is_. Yet kylo could not bring himself to believe that. Nerves put him on edge, it made him sure of himself. But this feeling was putting him on the edge in a different way. He was afraid of it.

The honesty of his answer to himself was taken away with the sound of intruding laughter. Knowing he was too far from the ballroom to have it be one of the guests. Curiosity took over for a time and he began to follow the sound.

It was not that far of a walk and as he reached the sound. He saw a lady glimmer in the dim moonlight that allowed from this angle of the garden. Kylo could not see her fully but already he felt the core of the feeling with every twirl the lady took.  
The dress she wore was as much as he could tell a masterful one. The crisp color of the white paired beautifully with the girl’s tanned skin. But her swift movements took away her face in his vision. It was then he noticed the shoes.

He would’ve never noticed such a trivial thing before but the slippers she wore were constructed entirely of glass. The look of them were pretty in the moonlight as they reflected with every twirl the girl gave.

Without him realizing it, the laughter she was giving drew him to move closer. It was not a practiced laughter he could tell. It rung out like bells with rust at the clasps. As if she had not utilize the pretty sound in a long time.

That thought threw him and the surprise of it caused a misstep in his movement. The unsteady step he took must’ve alerted the lady with the glass slippers. Her laughter died off in the night air and it was horribly strange how the laughter ending made him feel the edge he so usually felt return for an instant.

The stopping of her dance did allow her to evaluate him. He felt her eyes grazing him and he felt a heat in his neck. That’s when he heard it.

_Who are you_?

Her voice lifted in the oddest of places and it reminded him of something he could not place but shifting away those thoughts. He thought it’d be fun to play with the girl before him.

_The better question is, who are you_.

He felt her anger radiating off her in waves. It was something he was familiar with yet he could hear her mind at work questioning who he was. _As if it matters_.

“My name is Cinderella.” Her answer took him by surprise not because of the honesty but due to the fact he knew she was lying to some degree. He felt a memory trying to slip out but it was decided by the king that they were not important to look upon. Still with her standing their moonlight, he felt the waves crashing into him.

He felt all of her it felt like _Anger, fear, resilience, loneliness, and the feeling he had felt so strongly before_. Standing there away from her he wasn’t sure but he knew of one way of finding out.

“Cinderella, would you like to dance with me.” Although he posed it as a question, he meant it as a demand. It was not very often he was denied. But of course the girl with the joyful laugh had to be the exception.

“Do I look bloody mad?” Kylo felt her edging to one of the entrances. _Or her exit technically_. Sorting through all the lessons of practical seduction came to mind. He felt her again move away and with it the disturbing feeling was leaving with her. At a last attempt he spoke out.

“No but you look the part of a maiden in a story and I can be your prince.” Smoothing his voice and calling the force, he tied everything on that line. Rey he could sense had stopped at that. _A dreamer? That’s unfortunate_.

Just as he thought that the conversation with the laughing lady came to an end. The girl did something he had not expected. Reaching her hand out, she quietly said to him.

“Then let us dance for just tonight then, I know how these stories really end. No need to pretend for a girl in a garden.” He wish he could read her mind by the feeling that he felt so strongly in presence took over so completely that he found himself in front of her.

Guiding his hand to hip, he felt the sting hit his fingertip. It felt as if lighting stroked his blood. But perhaps the part that unhinged him the most was when their hands touched to begin the dance.

Brushing fingertips felt natural as if they did it a million times before. The feeling washed over him and he could not care that he could not remember his own name for a moment. The dance felt a lifetime but it was beautiful thing to live.

Sinking even deeper into the dance is when he heard the murmur in his mind. It was quiet at first but it grew with every twirl of her hands and every tightened grasp on his hand he felt her do. _Do you feel it?_.

The question ripped him from the trance like state. Tearing his body away, he was kylo ren again and he was never to lose control. _It was not acceptable_.

He knew that force sensitive existed but it did not seem to sit true with the girl before him. Grasping at straws he tried to reason but he came to a conclusion so unlike what he believed. That rocked him to his core.

For a moment, he smelled the scent of the memory all over again. _Smoke and the feeling of his hands being seared_. Bringing himself back to present with the help of his techniques he asked a question, he thought he had never had to ask.

“The force, how do you know of the force?”

He felt the girl’s confusion but that could not stop his rage. A girl was not to be his undoing. _We only danced. This cannot be real. This isn’t some story. It isn’t possible!_.

_But what do you know of possibilities_? She spoke through his mind as if they shared it and he felt as if maybe they always did. The strange feeling before, he knew what it was. _The isn’t possible, there’s a plausible explanation for all of this_.

The girl moved closer to him and he felt himself freezing as she finally she reached him. He could see her lips faintly and he felt the heat and the feeling from before crash together. Then he felt her hand touch the center of his chest.

Kylo ren, heir prince to the first order, trembled before a maiden in glass slippers. He felt shame but a bigger part felt the feeling from before breathe down his neck.  
His vision blurred and he could hear the words of the kings for a split second. _It is time, come forth prince_. But the smell of smoke brought him back to the time he currently was in.

Rushing away from her he felt suffocated. Kylo stood there heaving at a girl- _just a girl in a garden_. The insaneness of it all brought him to at least to breathe correctly. He had realized that the girl was staring at him and it brought the feeling hurdling down again.

_She’s the jolt I felt_. Recognizing this kylo reached out to her and attempted to make her a deal. “Whoever you are, you have power with the force. Enough of it to impact me, with this power you could be anything.”

He watched as the girl mulled this over. Pulling out her thoughts, he heard one thing before the connection went blank. But he could not decipher in time before he said out loud. “Anything you could ever wish to be, even a maiden from a story.”

What he said broke her train of thought it seemed. For she stood stall and for a girl shorter than him. She almost made him cower in her stance. _I am not afraid_. For a moment he was not sure who said that to who.

But as she was going to speak, the girl sniffed the air quickly. “Do you smell that? Can you smell that smoke?” Kylo connected what she said to his memory from before. _From all those years ago_. Kylo had heard of something that could make this all make sense. It was a stupid myth he had thought but standing before it was clear to him.

_Force bonded_. Just as he was going to bring her to his side, she asked the question again. “Can you smell smoke?!” Hoping his answer would steer her from distraction he answered yes. But with that answer she began to run.

Running after her he screamed to her, “Don’t run from this!” But she would not stop her slippers for his plea. In the sudden chaos he remembered of the ball and his blood began to ice. The realization that she would run into caused him to lose sight of her.

Desperately he screamed to hux’s mind through the force. _A girl with glass slippers, no one is to harm her. I want her brought to me alive!_. In hopes that the thought reached hux in time. Kylo stopped and tried to sense her force nearby. 

But it was no use, he could not find her in the maze of the garden at night.  
It was then the music came to a halt and the screams began. The sounds of swords could be heard from where kylo stood. Walking to the sound with the feeling of being numb, it took a small while but he finally reached the windows.

It was the sight that would bring the resistance and republic to their knees. From the window he saw ladies holding bloodied dresses to themselves and traitors painting the floors and walls. The king on the head of the balcony overlooking the slaughter. _Because that is what is, a slaughter_.

_Not a slaughter but justice_. The voice of the kings echoed in his mind and all that kept him from falling was the girl. Kylo did not see the girl and for moment he thought maybe she was safe. But his emotion took over soon after his worry.

Uncontrolled is how he felt and for the first time in such a long time. Kylo did not find power in that. There was no power on looking to the bodies of the dead. _Power lies with the living not the dead_.

Taking the last thought to consideration kylo ren walked through the ballroom. The polished floors being wiped with the blood of the slain. As he walked, all eyes were on him as they were before. But not one soul dared to laugh. _The laughter died with their friends_.

The silence said it all and for once not even hux had a word to say. The king even looked on without word.

The message was clear. _You stand with us or you will fall before us_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly deliberated about this chapter a lot! But it was time for a Kylo pov, I only hope I did the character justice! But I'd like to state that his character is my interpenetration of Kylo Ren just as it is for all the characters! I hope everyone likes it or at least enjoys the story enough to deal with my writing. Thank you for reading!


	10. By the dying light, a fire left us shivering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In following the light, we found ourselves lost in the darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics serve as inner thoughts and memories when it serves.

She could smell it all around her. _Always running from smoke_. It didn’t help that she was being chased as well. But Rey could not stop herself from thinking about his words from before. _The force?_. The questionable tone she took told her enough that she did not understand it but the name sounded so eerily familiar to her.

As she ran, she wish she could erase the memory all together. It was reckless of her to dance with a stranger but when their hands touched… _it was if time had stilled and everything blended together_.

Just the thought of it took her breath away for a tiny moment. It was feeling she had never known before and that should’ve terrified her. But still she ran with the smell of smoke surrounding her. The greenery taking a blackish tint. Rey felt as if she was running with shadows cornering her in the moonlight. But she could hear him behind a short amount away.

That’s when she heard the screaming.

Stopping in the middle of her escape, she heard the screams and began to walk cautiously to where she came from in the first place. Rey first saw the lights, the shadows diminishing in their darkness as she approached the nearing glass windows. Following that is when she began to visibly see them.

They were everywhere. It felt unreal to her but the evidence was running and some even dead on the floor. But she could not stop walking towards the ballroom bathed in blood.

It was terrifying but she continued her route to the lights like a moth to a flame. _For my wings to be burned, till I have nowhere to go_. Her thought startled her and rey smelled it as grew closer to the windows, _to the doors_.

It smelled of metal, sweat, but mostly it smelt of blood. If rey could, she would fear the worst in this situation but she couldn’t. _For what can be worse than this_?

Seeing it, smelling it, and hearing it must’ve took hold of her mind so tightly. Because rey found herself standing in front of the glass doors. Watching as the battle- no slaughter continued. Rey wished to move her feet but found she could not do so without fear entering her mind due to the movement.

 _I cannot watch this all happen and do nothing!_. Reaching for the handle she was stopped by her thoughts once again; however, this thought was malicious. But it was her own thought all the same. _But who stopped to help you?_.

Rey tasted a harsh metal like taste in her mouth as she stopped and paused. It was a thought like that, that had rey holding the door knob with a crushing force. But it was that feeling of hatred that had her biting her cheek like an animal that pushed her to open the door.

Entering to the madness of the ballroom had her feel the feeling she sought for the whole night in the garden with the man. _Fear_. But she couldn’t stand there for too long because the sound of crashing right in front of her brought a man to his knees.

Rey wished she could believe he was just sleeping like in a story but rey knew the truth of reality. _This is no story_. In a story the man before her would’ve fell into the arms of his children, wife, or childhood best friend. But this is real life and he fell on the floor with a sickening thump. With what rey believed to see his son and daughter watching in terror.

As was Rey in that instant. She could not peel her eyes from the man with the clothes being sopped up in his own blood. She wanted, wished, and begged too so desperately. But her wish was granted in such a twisted way. A second falling fell but the son’s death wasn’t as quick as his father’s.

His scream for his sister broke in a gurgling noise and rey swore she never heard such a saddening sound. Rey never believed a sound as violent as a scream could bring her to her knees herself.

For a brief moment, rey heard nothing but silence. But as she looked around, she could see mouths torn open and eyes frantically looking for loved ones. It was madness dipped in savagery and rey felt cold on the floor.

Ripping her eyes away from the terror on the attendant’s faces, rey looked down to the older man and his son, _his baby brother, his nephew, it did not matter_. Because they laid there nearly side my side and for a moment she thought of _them_. Standing unsteadily, Rey stood up and began to look for them. _Raven hair and those sad brown eyes of theirs_.

Without hesitation, rey ran into the slaughter. Every step there was a scream and sound of metal meeting flesh. Terrifying wasn’t strong enough of a word for the girls holding each other tightly. Terrifying isn’t a strong enough of a word for clinging sons to their sisters. _Tragedy fit but where is the hero?_.

But the thought faded away quickly by a scream she only soon realized was her own. Rey was pulled from her feet and was being dragged on the floor. All the memories flashed before. Every discipline given and every lesson. _How the doors would close and the lady’s hand would follow upon her throat._

Desperately rey clawed at the floor, screaming for help. But rey knew it would not come. Not here in this room where the dead laid like blankets on the ground. Where woman and men alike clung to the walls crying. _This is not how I die_.  
Rey fiercely twisted her body and loosened the hold of her attacker. That is when she saw them, all of them. Her attacker stood above her with their white armor and their unseen face. _Storm knights_. 

All around her she saw the knights with their gleaming armor slaughtering and injuring everyone around her. She heard the sounds of metal and the smell of something she could not place.

All the same, her attacker was above her. Watching her as if she was a toy to be tossed about. As if her limbs were held together by strings. _I’m made of skin and blood. Just as you are and I will not die today_.

The knight above her flinched back from her and that is when she realized. _I spoke to my attacker_. Taking the moment of confusion of the knight. Rey brought herself to her feet and was ready to fight but a peculiar thing happened from the knight.

The knight approached her almost calmly in the middle of the room full of battle. Suddenly the knight wasn’t violent. Just as the storm knight was going to touch her she felt the peace beginning to grow in her body once again.

 _The man in the garden_ , she thought absently. The thought was enough to make her breath deeply in for the first time and that’s when she recognized the smell.

 _Metal and blood, it smells of war_. With that rey did all she felt she could do. Rey ran from the bloody ballroom. If rey hadn’t felt as if she was running for her life. She would’ve noticed how no storm knight had tried to harm her but indeed they chased her.

With only that in mind, rey ran with everything inside her and that is when she felt it. A tight pinch on the heel of her foot. The sting of the pinch had her pause on the top of the steps until she heard the yells of her to stop.

Fearfully, rey dashed down the steps as quickly as she could. The sounds of her steps only driving her to run faster. To be quicker.

But the smell of burnt tile overtook the sound of yells and her steps. The smell was wretched enough to nearly make her step but as she tried to move her foot. She found her one foot unavailable to move. Looking down rey noticed that a black tar had covered the majority of the stairs.

Knowing she could not dwell on the obstacle, rey had to decide what her next move was before the knights reached her. In the height of screams and yells. It was a moment of clarity in which she stepped out of the glass slippers.

Rey told herself to run after her bare feet hit the ground but a part of her stood there solidly. Foolish she knew it was but the feeling from before . That brought her to a halt on the stairs but just as quickly as she felt the feeling it vanished into a new one. That being terror. Hearing the approaching knight.

Rey ran as her left foot stung from the glass slipper. But she continued to run as if her life depended on it and in some ways it did.

Running Rey kept thinking to run faster, to be quicker. For if she was not… what would become her. _No one will surely miss a servant girl_. It was a silly thought but she’d like to think that the girls would mourn her if she was to die.  
 _They’d all look to one another in silence. They’d grieve with guilt. That is what they deserved_. But as rey cried tripping on the steps, hoping her legs could move faster. No rey thought something else that made her legs a bit stronger. _But I don’t deserve to die_.

So the pursuit continued until rey realized that all the running she would do would not help her. Without realizing it, Rey had been leaving small little blood presses on the stairs due to her foot.

 _They were following me as if I’m some fox to be hunted_. For that whole night, the feeling she had tried to neglect was coming full force to her heart after that thought. Anger. Pulling her back as straight as she could she looked to the sides of the stairs and realized that some of the garden was still in her reach.  
Calculating while she climbed on the rails of the stairs.

Rey realized the only way to get in the garden was to climb a tree and hope the fall didn’t injure her too severely. But she found in that time of her jumping to catch the branch. That rey’s fear was pulling her strength to make an appearance. _If they think me to be a fox, I’ll show them how tricky we can be_.  
As she barely grasped the branch and swung from it. Rey felt light in a way she had not felt for a long time. A child flying on the wings of a fierce bird. But the moment did not last for rey fell with a thump. The branch ripping from the tree following her fall.

It did not matter that one foot was bloodied and her body was a growing collection of bruises and scratches. Rey stood with her shaking legs and ran from the noises from the castle. But she knew that by running in the garden was only twisting her further into the madness.

Yet she ran all the same from the smell of fire. _Wait, fire what is burning?_. That is when she realized that her dress was burning but so softly it looked like embers falling from a burned leaf. Rey would’ve marveled at the beauty of it but the noise came to her after a few seconds of running.

 _What else is hiding in this garden?_. The answer came in a battle of swords and the men she was running from just previous to the fall. With the shadows casting the garden; however, she hid with the green walls as much as she could.

That is when she heard the all too familiar voice from earlier that evening.  
“You call yourself knights? You’re all merely boys with improved wooden swords!” His voice was harsh more so than soft but she knew it was him with the flip of the hair he did with the thrust of his sword.

Rey wished she could’ve watched the dancing of swords like a show but it wasn’t a show. _The curtain pulled meant death for whoever wasn’t quick enough._ Still she watched with shocked stillness but her presence would not be tolerated for much longer.

A strong gallop headed towards her path without her realizing it until all she could do was jump out of the way to save herself. With her jump, it was made very apparent to the group of fighters that they weren’t alone. Suddenly the knight’s focus was on her again.

She heard them in pinched yells scattered around her. “Get the girl-“, “Fool the king orders are for the ma-“, “Will you defy the pr-“

Rey got up and quickly assessed her captors. But as she stop to look for the man from before he appeared to help her once more. The man took one knight down with the slit he cut into the knight’s back.

The sword tore from his stomach and the blade bleed from the knight’s blood. Rey saw herself in the reflection of the blade. For a moment she could barely believe it but as the knight fell limp, it was moment of silence for her. _How many will die and who will bury this kni- boy?_

But as she was about to bow her head in respect, she felt the heat rise to her body. Quite literally. The burning of the dress had intensified and she saw from the pool of blood at her feet, that the embers were flames licking her edges and bruises.

Rey felt powerful and it was the most sickening feeling she had ever conceived. The knights backed away from her afraid of being burned and a part of her wanted to burn the armor off their backs. But she looked to the boy fallen at her feet and she could not sing for a song for more blood.

The man ran towards her and whispered to her ear as the knights watched in fear for a second. “I warned you.”

“And I didn’t listen and I saved your life. A thank you would’ve sufficed.”  
The man looked at her and she saw the sadness in his eyes. _There is too much sadness in this world, you soft harsh fool_ , she thought about the man before her.

But her thought was broken by him saying, “As I will save yours.”

 

Just as she thought to ask what that pertained to, he ran to darkness of the garden yelling for them to get the map if they didn’t want to be slain by their beloved king. It worked for the most part with only the exception of knight that stood looking from her to their fallen knight on the floor. She stood there for a small moment looking at the fallen knight. Rey felt a feeling of desperation and she heard the sting of tear fall against her flames.

But without a word she ran and she ran. Running from the pool of blood and the voice that contradicted itself. _Running because that’s all I can do, running because who would chase a girl on fire_. Trailing her hands on the walls as she went. _Burning is a rebirth, hopefully these weeds of a garden will grow for the better_. 

Rey ran until her lungs felt heavy and she finally just pressed herself against a wall and moved to see the leaves be seared for an escape hole.

Rey couldn’t look back _wouldn’t_ but she looked all the same. It was such a human thing to do and for some reason when she finally did.

She was far enough away where she could only see the dimmer of fire she had caused. The smoke rose like a warning sign to everyone who had the blessing to still be living.

It begged to the living and it cried for the dead. The smoke hummed of a memory to vicious to speak and there rey stood. Her body covered in ash and embers. Her skin bare to the night. The breeze was caught in her hair and she could’ve sworn the wind whispered to her. What it said she did not know but it did not matter. She was gone into the night once more. Her bloody foot trailing into the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry about being MIA but finals hit hard with work and everything else! I hope you guys like the new addition and let's hope the newer addition doesn't take as long as this installment. As always, thanks for reading!


	11. The state of being an eclipse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Choked out of color until all that ran was faded red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics serves as inner thoughts, memories, and communication services in regards to the force.

His steps quickened as he slid to the left side of the foliage wall at the end. Brushing roughly away his sweat curled hairs, he began to asses where he was. Out running them was easy but those _knight_ left deep wounds he noticed upon himself.

Dameron could already feel himself losing blood. He knew it with full certainty. _I’ll be dead before dawn_. Falling to his knees, he drew a shaky breath. 

Wanting was such a foolish thing but he wished he could see the morning one last time. Laughing was all he could do. So he laughed until he could feel his breathing shrink in his chest. 

_My duty is done, the map will be received. I knew the possibility, she warned me all those weeks ago.._. Letting a smile grace his dirtied face, he could’ve sworn he heard a symphony from earlier. One that made all the pretty young things blush with anticipation of a new twirl.

But Dameron knew better, that was no symphony. Those loud thumps imitating a energetic rhythm were hooves. It was a search party. For him, he knew it wasn't. It was for the loyal messenger in all this. 

The sound of hooves brought his thoughts to his most trusted companion. BB-8 was probably galloping hard towards home. _His home now, my time will be done soon enough_. 

Dameron thought that maybe bleeding out slouching near this wall would be a more comfortable death. _A much easier death than what the people are used to_. But the thought that would usually make the charismatic man chuckle. Only made his face sour.

_I should not die a coward in the shadows._ With that he struggled to keep his knees from buckling but with the help of the wall. He found himself standing up once again. 

For a moment all he did was look at the shadowy landscape before him. It was almost beautiful to him but there was nothing beautiful about the darkness, he knew. The darkness of the night was a deceptive beauty. A dangerous mystery that only drew in madness in its wake.

No he knew then. _I will not die in the darkness._

That’s when he saw the smoke first. If the garden was black as night, then the smoke was a questionable grey. But smoke meant one thing. Fire. _The girl from before…_.

Without thinking Dameron began to move his legs back and forth. Before he knew it, he was in a full sprint. His dark brown eyes searches earnestly for the darned girl from earlier. He gave his life a gamble for her and she returned the favor. That should've been the end of it. 

But Dameron knew himself by many not to be a callous man. A blunt one and bull headed man yes but never cruel. He wished he could say he was running for the sake of his reputation. But the fact of the matter was that he was running for a girl who wore fire. Poe Dameron was dying and he was after the trail of smoke. 

He was sure that if he was told this story from someone else's perspective. He would’ve laughed at the notion all together. _It sounds like a twisted fairy tale for forces sake!_

Still the bloodied dying man ran after the trail of smoke like he was on fire. Dameron knew why he ran after the stranger in the fiery dress. Everyone told him that he danced with the darkness from time to time. That he would blur the lines between light and dark. But they always said he always came home to the light in the end.

_Is that what i’m doing now?_ He questioned himself even as he ran from dead end to dead end. Dameron loved how people always had faith in him that he would come home. Even this quest given to him was with the highest confidence. 

Back home the people talked of his coming back with the map being inevitable. As if him dying wasn’t even a possibility. Which it clearly was and now was being played with as he felt himself get heavier and heavier. 

Memories bounced in his head as the heaviness of the air began to show the closeness to the source of the smoke. He remembered it all in faded color. That scared him the most. He had always loved the richness in colors. The vibrancy of life in them. Still the sad realization didn’t stop the train of memories from crashing into his head.

_Running besides BB-8 until he could feel like lungs explode were decorated in pastel colors of the dull light that filtered in through the mornings._. The smoke grew nearly unmanageable for his chest. A different explosion was building in his lungs in the dusty night in the burning garden.   
_Next were the summer colors bursting through the lakes where he remembered his family before all the madness, before the darkness. The blues lied against the wispy greens of the high grasses. The heat was unbearable but he swore even the heat had a color to it back then._ The right word was searing. The heat emanating from the burning greens felt like a hot red slashing across a blank sheet of paper. But still he ran into the rising smoke, into the fire.

_Lastly he remembered the blinding light of looking at the sun till his eyes felt they would burn right out of his eyes as a boy. From the time the sun rose till even from the time when the sun would set. He recalled in all the colors how he thought of the sun. How the sun would look orange, to yellow, to white. It was endless. Time was endless back then_.

However time was not endless in the pit of the fire. Dameron felt it trickle with every heat filled breeze when he swayed on his buckling legs. The fire was not blood red it was a color so much colder. A color that made him shiver just by the sight of it. 

Dameron knew why he ran into the fire. There was someone in need of saving. The girl needed saving he thought to himself as he began the run. But he could see clearly now that the girl must’ve perished in the fire. _There was no other way_.

Just as he thought of the girl from earlier he felt a cold breeze break through from the heat. Following it desperately, Dameron could feel his eyes water by the smoke and the idea of the girl lifeless on the ground. _How many must die for this bloody rebellion._ Even as he thought this quietly, he felt a deep guilt fall in his stomach.

The rebellion and its members did all that it could for him, he knew. They provided him with food, shelter, and more importantly a purpose to keep moving on. They became his family after everything fell apart but so much befell them for fighting this cause. So many dead tonight. All those people lead there like lambs for slaughter. 

He laughed at the cruelty of it all. It was an empty laugh that fell to the back of his throat. But as he felt the cold breeze grow closer and the air became more clear. Dameron was struck by the sight and it nearly brought him to his knees. 

Before him was a foliage wall that was burned into a shape of body nearly exactly. Of course there were edges that trailed off to other sides but it could be distinguished that it was a person’s shape. For a moment dameron found himself at a loss of words. It didn’t make sense but he realized his foolish mistake the moment he fell to his knees by a forceful blow to his back.

The air was knocked out of him and for a moment all he saw was pitch black underneath his eyelids. Doing all that he knew to do, he fought against the attacker from behind. Winging out his legs erratically and thrusting his hands to fall against the body.

But all he felt was air. For a second, he thought maybe death had brought him to his knees but after that thought was expelled from his mind. He realized he must’ve have been rambling on the floor. For his captor spoke out, “What is impossible?”

The voice spoke in anger and if Dameron’s years in dealing with the life he was dealt had taught him anything. He could’ve sworn he heard a twinge of grief in his voice. But honestly what he heard most was fear. Everything about this interaction should’ve made him laugh because that’s what he thought of himself as. The laughing man. But the captor stood behind him awaiting an answer and Dameron knew the person behind him didn’t find this funny. Truly Poe didn’t find it funny at all either.

But the silence blanketed over them and the heat still hung even with the breeze of the opening… _Of an escape?_ Just as he thought this out he realized he said aloud his thoughts. He even heard himself tripping over the words in confusion, “She escaped but how is that even possible?” 

Thinking that be the last of it, Dameron hung his head down and willed himself to die with dignity but his captors actions startled him as he was swung to face his captor face to face. Well actually face to helmet. There towering above him was a storm knight and if anything it did not bring him to be afraid. Anger seemed more appropriate. It was just like him to face the possibility of death and be upset with the representation. 

Still the storm knight continued to surprise him much to Dameron’s displeasure by questioning him. “Possible? Maybe she didn’t need your help.” There was anger Dameron could tell but there was also relief mixed in with the knight’s response. Strange revelation to say the least. 

The rebellion self taught the values it believed in. One being that every life is worth saving and every death is a personal failure but there were always grey areas in that core value. Many had believed and passed down the belief that storm knights were incapable of emotion. That they were blindness to their cause without negotiation but that sword we placed on them is double edged.

Standing before him was a storm knight with blood smeared across their line of vision and it felt like an uneasy interaction to say the least but Dameron had to remind himself of who he fought for. _All they see is blood and that is all they wrought into this world._.

But his hateful thoughts were ended by the next words out of the knight’s mouth. “Maybe she saved herself.” The knight’s interruption caused a disturbance in his code of honor. _I save people, that’s what i’m good at._ He prided himself that he was somewhat a hero to people but it was a pride for the goodness that was associated with the rebellion after the fact.

But the knight’s words struck him perhaps harder than his blow that took him down. It was a running theme that he found himself interrupted by the peculiar storm knight for he spoke again; however, his voice sounded so small but wise all at once. Dameron wished to hear the contradiction to study the imbalance there but the storm knight spoke once loud and clear. “Perhaps you should’ve saved yourself.”

Lying there bleeding out and arguing with the knight was not doing Dameron much good, he felt it. His bones felt dense and his skin felt stiffer than before. _I’m dying aren’t I?_ The question brought water to his eyes and he knew then that maybe the knight was right and he should’ve saved himself. But saving people, gambling his own life, and quite literally running into the fire is what makes Poe Dameron who he is.

He much rather die on his knees honoring his purpose than betraying himself and living. Looking around himself, Dameron noticed the glowing embers and fire still feeding on parts of the garden. _Surrounded by light? A nice way to go._

With that he brought himself to his knees and laughed into the heated air for what felt like the last time. But as he reached for his sword, he felt a force take over his body.

Suspension seemed like the right thing to compare it to. His body felt as if it were stringed together so tightly that a feather’s brush would rip his tendons. Violation is what is. Dameron was frozen into the spot surrounded by fire and by words he never felt so dead while still breathing.

It grew stronger with the pair of clicking shoes as it approached from the side of him. Letting this state take over him. Dameron noticed the sound of many feet approaching from all angles. Rising his eyes to the storm knight before him for the first time felt taboo. In just tonight alone, he must’ve killed at least 20 storm knights in effort to salvage people’s sufferings. But not once did he ever peer to where there eyes lie in the glossed white helmet. It felt too real and for once he admitted to himself shamefully that it felt humane to at least look them in the eyes.

Breaking away from the elongated stare brought a short lived relief. For a moment, Dameron could believe that this was all a dream _even a wretched fairy tale_. But his head snapped up without his permission and that’s when he met the mask of the leader of the Knight’s of Ren, the crowned prince of The First Order, before him was Kylo ren. 

Dameron looked to him and would not break away from his stare. _Clothed in black. It’s fitting that he’s already dressed for his funeral._ If Dameron was in control of his facial expressions, he would’ve smirked at his comment but instead his scowl would suffice.

_No, I’m dressed for yours_. The voice was everything that the night sky enveloped earlier in the shadows of the garden and it spoke through his mind. Dameron knew of the powers of the force but hearing about it and being inflicted by it were two different beasts altogether because if this is its purpose. Then the force was not something worth fighting for. 

The thought betrayed everything he grew to love and Dameron could swear that under that ridiculous hunky mask that kylo ren was smiling at his doubt. _This is because I’m under your control, your darkness creates doubts_.

It wasn’t a thought to himself Dameron knew. He meant for it to be shared but still the response was not something he could get used to so easily. _Doubts cannot be created by any action alone, They exist within us just as darkness resides in me. Just as it resides in you now_.

Dameron wanted to rip his head away from the pull but as he tried all he could feel was blinding pain and screams ripped through his throat into the night sky. Sweating profusely and shivering in his own blood drenched clothes, Dameron screamed to fight against the pull. _The force_.

And they all watched on. From corner to corner, white gleaming armor surrounded him and it glimmered like the sun. This is how the world went black for Poe Dameron. Surrounded by the sunlight in the midst of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone enjoyed the new installment! I'd also like to remind everyone that the way I write these characters might not line up with what everyone thinks about these characters. That being said, I do in fact lost and value these characters and I recognize that I in no way own them etc etc. Regardless of all that, I hope you enjoyed reading!


	12. Knotted together like chains, we rusted with one another until we broke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is easily given and easily taken away, the breaths we take

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics serve as inner thoughts and memories when that is the case.

_Dead._

Whispering that to himself over and over. It was a march like mantra. The crescendo built with every echo from that wretched ballroom. He remembered the gleeful looks of dancers and the sounds of laughter bouncing from their chests.

_I’m only so lucky to had not been assigned there._ He desperately reminded himself. Counting stars that the newly knighted knights were not allowed for bloodshed till they had proven themselves worthy. 

_Worthy? But a human life isn’-_ Abruptly stopping himself. He breathe deeply and continued to march quickly to a small corridor. The order has been restored in the castle and it sickened him to the point of gasping for air.

All around him knights marched on to different areas. Most for the inspection of their blades and swords. It was proof of victory. It was the most inhumane act only coming after the murder for the blood on the blade.

He tried not to remember how he got the blood on his blade. He wished for the memory to be gone. To be dispelled from his very mind. But it stayed there on repeat and that could be his undoing all together. 

_No thought here is sacred._ The rumors could be just rumors but he could not risk his life on a whim. It’s better to be cautious than to be the latter. _Dead_.

But not even that worry could take away the cruel memory from the blood on his blade. Quickening his steps in hopes for privacy pushed him to the memory all the same. _Could be a memory if it is still so fresh?_.

The answer did not come to him for the memory took over and it shook him nearly to running from this damned castle. He cursed himself for not running through that burned hole in the garden bush. But he knew the consequences of being a deserter.  
That memory was less bloody but he could still remember the sounds of the deserter’s screams as the deserter was dragged through the hallways. _For everyone to hear. A cautionary tale._

The memories came crashing back like a falling of sticks. One after another but tonight’s memory would haunt him and shame him for the rest of his life. He promised to never think of it again. But the memory did not abide by promises as it came rushing in.

_The light blinded us all. Stepping back frantically to recover quickly. I heard mumbles in a soft and harsh voice. It was too quick to tell what they had said but it was gone by the time I had tried to understand what they were saying._

_I heard the banner of my fellow knights before I had opened my eyes again. They shuffled quickly to surround the light and for a moment I thought a star had fallen to give the man we chased guidance because it wasn’t meant for us. It couldn’t be, we didn’t deserve guidance. We deserved what came next._.

_It was if my eyes had been blinded for longer time than the other knights because all I could see by blurs of colors from the illuminating light. It was a blessing. For the colors had changed from white to red._

_The scream was familiar and if fear could give sight then it was clear that is truth. Blinking a few times quickly, I could see clearer in the night light. The star like light had disappeared but along with it so did the knights._

_With the exception of one. That one was lying on the ground. Bleeding out and crying out. I knew he was dying, the blood pooling out in front of him was assurance of that. Standing there I knew the mission as a storm knight for the first order._

_Leave the wounded and dead and pursue the objective at all cost. But against conditioning and training I ran towards him. I begged to anyone or thing that would listen that it wasn’t him. But deep down I knew even then it was Slip._. 

_The irony would’ve made us both laugh if circumstances were different but as I kneeled to take off the helmet. I heard him gasping and shaking. It was all too familiar, it was Slip. I had wanted to run and for a moment I almost did._

_But Slip grasped my hand and by the blessed stars, I could not see his face. I’m sure he saw mine as he spoke out shakily. “Dead on the first quest, I owe Phasma a count of 10.” His laugh was more of a choke and I couldn’t keep my eyes away from the stars._

_“You’re going to have to see deadlier sights than this if you’re planning to outlive me.” I wished for him to not speak and I remembered damning myself right there and there for that wish. But I spoke back to just break the silence from the sound of the gurgles. “I thought you’d like me looking at the same thing you’re staring at when it comes to an end.”_

_It was silent then for a second. That was until he began to groan loudly. The sounds echoed from the narrow pathways in the green black maze of a garden. It was a painful sound and it clutched hard to my heart to hear it. It continued until Slip groaned out for one of his final requests. “Put your blade through me, won’t you?” I had nearly ran away then but the pain in his voice caused me to stay but the truth of the matter was the reason I stayed would be the reason he would’ve stayed if the situation was reversed._

_That alone is what caused me to slide my blade through him_. His last words resonated into my skin, I swore to myself. Slip was never one for words and neither am I but his words brought me to my knees as he smeared his blood across my helmet he spoke-”.

Ripping his helmet from his face, he breathed deeply and desperately. He couldn't bring himself to remember so he looked for any reason to forget. Just as he was going to wipe the blood from his helmet. A voice from behind him pierced through his heavy breathing.

“Who permitted you to take off your helmet FN-2187?” The Knight grand master demanded in her usual icy tone. Flipping around, FN-2187 looked to the silvery armor of Grand Master Phasma. He caught his reflection quickly through Phasma’s armor. If it were any other time, Phasma would have him do laps of training but the unmasking of FN-2187 distracted her from one of the rulings of the first order.

“No one, my apologies Phasma.” Holding his breath in, FN-2187 took quick glances to his reflection as Phasma seemed occupied but the time was short lived as Phasma turned on stating. “Submit your blade for inspection and do remember to keep your helmet on at all times, are we clear FN-2187?”

With complete subordination, FN-2187 stated yes and Phasma marched on out of the corridor. Breathing out quickly, he placed his blood smeared helmet back on and marched on to the inspection keepings room. 

He noticed the stares and he knew that he should be proud because that was what is expected but it was guilt that he felt in his stomach. It was with that dread that he marched on and it was that dread in which he received the applause for the blood on his blade. _They cheer for a coward_. FN-2187 thought angrily but a softer side spoke up clearing the red he saw. _Better to be a coward than a murder_.

With that he cleaned his blade and his helmet in the washroom for the storm knights but Slips words were everywhere. They were in the dribble of the faucet, they sounded in the steps of the hallways, and they were even found in the sound of his heartbeat as he marched to the only place he could find salvation. It was difficult to pinpoint by himself but luckily word goes quickly around and that’s how FN-2187 found himself staring into the metal door.

The metal door was infamous for its reputation. Some called it the spilled room, some claimed that it was doused in blood, but most knew the truth of the place. It was the end for traitors, deserters, captured enemies and any who defied the first order. 

He knew his plan was shaky at best but being near the metal doors inspired enough fear that FN-2187 swung through the metal door with a purpose. He saw the man first. 

Propped up on the bed like contraption, the man lied there completely still besides his shallow breathing. It was the first time he could see the features of this man worth running for. _The man worth dying for_. That brought a bitter taste to FN-2187’s mouth. He couldn’t dwell on death today, if he did. All the lives lost today would keep him in this dark castle forever. 

Renching himself away from the guilt ridden thoughts. He looked to the keeper of the captive. A higher up storm knight, he could tell from the vibrant red armor plate he adorned on his shoulder but that could not shake him of his chance. 

“Kylo ren demands the captive be brought to him at once, unshackle him immediately.” FN-2187 had always abhorred the helmets he had to bare but in times like these. He found he loathed it to his being. For he could not read the expression of a fellow storm knight but he supposes that would be a good thing on his end.

But one thing the helmets did not restrict from was hearing. “It will be done, on with you to your quarters.” FN-2187 had not thought this far unfortunately but his quick thoughts sufficed them both enough. “You are to stay here as I will bring the captive to the crowned prince. A new captive is reside in this one’s place for the time being.”

With that the keeper for the captor moved to unshackle the captive that lied before them. It was then that FN-2187 noticed the bruises he had inflicted on the man earlier as he stopped the man’s escape. There was no pride but there was also no guilt. It was an emptiness that he found himself having quite often of late but with the captive shaken from his unconsciousness. FN-2187 stored all that away. 

Reaching out for the bruised man, FN-2187 muttered a farewell to the storm knight and begun the journey to the desired destination. FN-2187 could tell of the man’s weariness of the place. But what he took notice most was of the man’s appearance. 

Behind the bruises, cuts, and welts. FN-2187 could see the man’s cut features. His jaw was strong and his nose cut in positions he had never seen much on a man’s face. It suited him strangely. The softness and harshness but his eyes were the thing that caught him off guard. They were a bark brown but they held no shine. They looked empty and for a moment FN-2187 held compassion for the bruised man. He knew the pull to the emptiness well.

But he continued on his journey with the captive until he felt the coast was clear and found a corridor small enough to be unnoticed. It was then when they both crashed onto each other. 

The bruised man looked alert and tense which would make sense considering the predicament he’s in. But FN-2187 calmed him with him with removing his helmet and stating. “If you want to leave this castle, you're going to have to listen carefully. I can get you out of here but you need to comply with my orders.”

The bruised man look to him in total confusion and muttered a befumbled “What?” FN-2187 realizing how it may appear explained it was a rescue mission and that ask desperately. “Do you know a way out of the woods?”

“Are you with the resistance?” The bruised man demanded with his eyes brightening. _Hope, there’s hopes in his eyes._

“What? No, can you get us out of the woods or not.” The man looked to FN-2187 with brimming pride and proudly claimed in a low enough voice. “I can get out of anywhere!” With that, FN-2187 did something he couldn’t believe he could do in a while after this night. He sighed in relief and a smile broke off from his face but the planning continued besides the short lived happiness between the two.

After agreeing quickly on their plan. FN-2187 took the man as quick as he could to the stables without raising suspicions. As they after a time approached the stables in the back of the castle. FN-2187 began to mutter a mantra to himself or at least so he thought. 

“Stay calm. Stay calm. Stay. calm.” FN-187 muttered underneath his breath quietly, “I am calm.” _Typical_ FN-2187 thought to himself. “I was talking to myself,” the storm knight retorted back. His companion laughed at that and for a second. It was slight banter and the feeling in their chest didn’t seem so hollow but the time passed as they stood inside the stables.  
They both quickly readied their horses for escape. It was a strange thing as they wordlessly helped each other without any form of communication. It was easy considering the circumstances they were in. But the rushed feeling kicked in as the sound of loud bells began to ring throughout the castle walls. 

“Oh no, we have to leave. Now.” Fn-2187 whispered as he swung himself on the horse. The bruised man following his lead, hopped onto his horse and swung his horse to the direction of the garden from before. 

Without a word they begun their ride to the woods. They both knew what would come after them. But their luck with the numbers was quite unlucky. Pursuing them were nearly 40 on horses alone. FN-2187 shouted directions to the hole that was seared and they galloped until they felt their hair was about to pull back.

The first arrow nabbed the bruised man in the shoulder. FN-2187 heard the pained man’s shout and Phasma would be proud by the small conditioned voice that spoke through to him. _The objective is your pursuit. Anyone else is collateral damage_. But let this damned castle’s pride be damned for Fn-2187 found himself falling behind the bruised man’s horse. 

The man looked back to him in surprise but there was an agreement they both knew. So FN-2187 used his armor as as a block from the arrows and they flew on with their horses. 

FN-2187 heard all the voices shout as they maneuvered through the shrouded garden. The voice screamed out traitor, deserter, and the list only grew louder louder as the the man before him began to slow down. That’s when the sky began to light up. The lit up arrows flew to edges of the horses hooves up above FN-2187 horse. Confused to why that was, FN-2187 urged the horse before him on.

Shouting out desperately FN-2187 motioned for the bruised man to quicken his horse's stride but only silence was received from the bruised man. FN-2187 could not understand why there was no response but with a flamed arrow shooting towards the bruised man’s ankle it became abundantly clear. 

As the lit arrow lit up the area around them, FN-2187 noticed the bleeding dark spot upon the man before him shoulder. _He is losing blood. He’s bleeding out_. With that realization, FN-2187 screamed in that second for the bruised man to step aside so he could jump to his horse. But in that moment the arrow finally hits its mark.

The horse’s hind legs rise above so quickly that the bruised man falls to his back in a giant fall. As he falls the horse runs through the seared hole. _We found it, we can escape_. Frantically moving towards the seared escape route. FN-2187 remembers what he thought before. _We..._ Without hesitation he heads a short way back to the bruised man, his companion. _Back to the castle, to the enemies he called his banner before, to the the bloodshed and savagery._ But he headed back a way nonetheless for the harsh soft man. 

The shouts and hooves grew louder with every gallop FN-2187 horse took to find the fallen man. He could be killed FN-2187 knew but their escapes and lives depended on one another. _We are bound to one another now or at least until the end of the woods._ But as he searched frantically hearing the rising noise come for him and the man. Did that childhood fear come rising back to his ears as well. 

_Does the woods ever end?_ Just as he was going to shake the thought away did he hear the pained moan. Scanning with his eyes quickly through the shadowy garden. He thought he saw nothing, that he heard what he only wanted to hear but with a moving arm back and forth. He could then see the man lying against a bush. Stepping off his horse, FN-2187 ran towards the limp figure. 

The noise was a storm now. A storm approaching within seconds he could tell. With that fact in mind, FN-2187 picked up the drenched man and ran to the horse. As he ran he heard the voices around the corner and it was in a matter of moments did he know that the fiery arrows would descend on them.

But as he pounced on the horse and held the man against him. Did he see the red light surround him. _Alive, I will live. The fire will not claim me._

With that did the storm knight galloped fiercely away from the trailing red lights. Pounding away in leaps, they headed towards the seared escape. The storm was behind them and they heard the ordered shouts. The shouts and screams demanded blood for glory. Demanded a traitor's death and the death of the enemy. 

It became a crescendo and the trills of screams were at its peak. FN-2187 glared into the darkness and there ahead was the seared hole. Underneath the white helmet his eyes began to water. _Freedom._

A thing he wished for only in the darkest of places of this castle. Where no one could hear nor see him beg for a thing he could never say aloud.

“Freedom.” The storm knight’s voice broke through all the shouts for the wounded man and the deserter. For moment it seemed the noise ceased to exist from behind and the lights became warmer rather than the fierce red from before.

As they rode towards the seared gaping hole, FN-2187 understood why deserting or even a chance of freedom was worth dying for. He understood but the thought was broken by the bruised man’s murmur.

“You saved me back there. I would like to know your name. To give proper thanks.” His voice was especially soft then and FN-2187 felt his heart wilt for the weakening of the contradicting man. “FN-2187 is my identification. I- I have no name to give.”

The shame spread through his skin and it quickly turned to anger. The seared escape was only feet away and he drove the horse to move faster. Determination took hold of his anger and it made them fly against the burned grass beneath. The warm colors were fierce then, FN-2187 felt the heat behind him.

But as they ripped through the seared escape, the colors ceased to exist at all. There was only moonlight ahead in the woods. The light broke through the darkness of the smoke out of the castle’s reach. The air felt crisp and the words of Slip ring through his ears; however, the words of his companion before him broke through all of the noise.

“FN-2187? That’s too much of a mouthful. Finn sounds better don’t you agree?” The wounded man said to him. As they were still being chased, FN-2187 contemplated quickly but his decision was almost instant. “Agreed.”

_Freedom and a name all at once._ Finn smiled underneath the mask and the choice was made then. Reaching over his head, he unclasped his helmet and yelled out to the smoke and to the lit woods. Holding his helmet high he screamed. He screamed for the slain in the ballroom, he screamed for the wounded living in fear, he screamed for slip still lying there in his own blood and he screamed for FN-2187. He screamed for himself.

Throwing his helmet to the ground he moved the horse to move quicker. “Damn you’ve got power in you Finn!” Finn could hear the smile in the man’s voice. The smile was shared between them but alas they knew the chase would not end so easily.

It went on for what felt like miles. The hooves mixed in with the yells between the chased and the runners. The painted man was getting worse, it was obvious. Finn felt the man losing heat and his body swung back and forth if finn didn't hold close enough. 

The moments were becoming too much for finn when the pained man tried to hide his sounds of pain. Finn dodged the arrows and tried to elude the knights behind them the best that he could but the pained man before him took up a big part of his mind it appeared. 

Finn thought of the gift that the man gave him before. _A name. To be named that was a symbol of freedom. To be named gives my death a stone upon the grass._

The thought made finn angry in the way that it was that thought that gave him pause. _What a freedom to die and be recognized. What a pity that it gives me hope_.

A flying arrow flew too close to the side of the horse and it must've cut the horse in a slit for the horse had began to move erratically. The suddenness of the motion broke the thoughts of the two on the horse. The horse had loss control as did finn’s grasp on it. 

In fear finn did what he did best in fear, he spoke out loud. In hopes to distract himself from the shaken grasp he was trying to hold. He asked the pained man a question he realized that it was only right to ask. 

“Your name. What is your name?” The pained man’s breathes were unsettled as the horse galloped out of control but he heard the man’s words behind him and answered as he always does. 

“Dameron, Poe Dameron.” The suave that Poe usually put in his voice when introducing himself was gone. _There’s fear in his voice. At least that shows he’s not stupid_. But as finn thought that to himself. He realized the path that the horse had chosen.

_A broken bridge for half a broken man and a broken spirit. This could almost be poetry_. Finn finally grasped the reins of the horse and pulled desperately for the horse to heel. The effort was in vain.

The horse plummeted itself to the edge of the bridge in a matter of seconds. They found themselves falling. Finn and Poe. Neither one realizing how tightly they wound themselves together. Their fall was not full of grace. It was cold and hard. The river was unforgiving. 

Finn saw nothing for a moment. Everything was black and and the water rushed to his open mouth. Not a noise could be heard underneath the water. Not even the scream for Poe. Thrashing his legs quickly he pushed himself to the surface. 

Breaking from the rushing rivers pull. Finn looked desperately for a floating body. He knew what a sunken body meant. _Training made sure of that_. But the dark thought did not deter him for looking for his companion.

Circling around as much as he could, Finn saw that the knights did not surround the river. _We must've lost them when we fell into the river. At least there’s that _. But a sound of from ahead of him took his attention.__

__Poe emerged from the water and looked around just as Finn did. It was a silly thought and one that Finn did not fully comprehend but he wondered. He wondered if Poe sought to look for him too. As he did only moments past._ _

__But the thought did not last as they made eye contact. Without a word they swam to each other. Poe’s strokes were not powerful enough as he just ran with the river’s strong current. But finn made up for it with the advantage of the running river._ _

__Reaching for Poe, Finn held himself up as much as he could but his legs were feeling the fall. He struggled to stay afloat._ _

__Poe appeared not much better but they grabbed each other all the same. They held onto each for what could’ve been seconds, what could’ve minutes, what could’ve hours but they held on until they felt themselves being driven with the river._ _

__Their bodies were weary and so tired. Poe was still losing blood and Finn could see it in his eyes. _It’d be a miracle if he makes it through the night._ Looking away from his dying.. Friend. _Yes, if we are to waste in this river. Let us had been something to one another._ The thought made his hands waver from Poe for only a moment. But it was in that moment when the river pushed Poe out of his grasp. _ _

__It was in that moment that the river began it’s rage._ _

__Finned screamed for Poe to swim back to him but Poe was too far gone in his weakened state. His body was being carried by the river already. Finn began to swim fiercely with the current and it helped he had thought. But of course there was another complication to arise._ _

__The stones were jagged and Finn realized the fates he would have to choose between. But he swam towards the swords that were rocks. The water only making every stroke heavier but he continued on._ _

__With great effort he finally grasped Poe’s forearm and he had thought all was well. “Stay awake. Stay awake. Stay awake.” For once Finn realized he wasn’t begging for himself and he didn’t have the heart enough to understand why his heart was hurting at that revelation._ _

__Poe’s gasping breaths were stronger than what Finn had hoped for and it brought a smile to his lips. Just as Finn was going to quip about the irony of it all. The collision tore through them both._ _

__The fall was nothing compared to the thrash the water pulled them under then. Pulling as hard as he could to push to the surface. Finn had not realized the lightness of his wrists. He felt light and it was unsettling but as he looked to his arm. He realized the reason for it._ _

__Thrashing around again, Finn searched for Poe. But he couldn’t find him as much as he looked. Holding tightly on the jacket of his friend. He searched for him._ _

__The jagged rock that Finn crashed to could’ve been avoided if he had thought to look out for himself but that did not change the fact that Finn's head was thrown against it._ _

__Desperately he tried to look for Poe but his eyesight was beginning to blur and all he could feel was the blood flowing to his wrist. His grasp on the jacket was tight and it was a lifeline. _Poe’s lifeline_. _ _

__Continuously he attempted to keep his eyes above water but the water crashed onto him in harsh slaps and his head had begun to wander underneath the rushes of the river._ _

__The cold water turned warm after a few pulls and as he tried to move to the surface. Finn’s eyes blackened to the sounds of water and the thought that perhaps the fire would’ve burned less._ _

___Stay awake. Stay awake. Stay awake.._ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First Finn POV and it was super nerve wracking! I hope you guys enjoy it as I enjoyed writing it! Hopefully the next update isn't that far apart from this one but as always I thank you guys for reading!


	13. Let our feet be burned, Let our hands be frozen, may our eyes mist over evermore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Humanity is saved between the heartbeats but is also salvaged in the endings of them as well,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics serve as inner thoughts, communication, and memories when it applies in context to the story.

Her feet were wayward as they did not stop or slow down. She had no wonder for the trees nor the beauty of the moonlit woods. Every breath inhaled was tinged with smoke and salt. Rey felt her feet go numb but it did not matter. _Nothing matters. Not anymore._

 

The run continued on with that recurring thought in mind. She could feel her lips tremble as she hastily tried to wipe away the tears. Rey’s first instinct was to be ashamed. She could hear distinctly a voice from before the bloodshed. A voice that she knew would be seared in her memories. A constant chill to run down her back when she remembered.

 

But her feet ran to forget. To forget everything, to forget everyone. _Let me forget that damned home, let me forget the rose on the nightstand, let be forget the broken mirror, just let me forget it all_.

 

The thoughts followed her like a shadow. Every memory in that house with the garden just resurfacing in a pool of her own grief. That’s why she cried, she knew. Rey cried for the little girls with matching marks and for the silent strong one. She cried until all she breathed in was smoke and water. 

 

The pool of grief threatened to take her down in it’s depths but she fought it with every stride of her legs. She fought with the emotions and for every tear fallen. Rey felt cleansed from the embers slathered on her body. 

 

But the good feeling didn’t last for long; however, it wasn’t memories that gave her grief once more but rather a very real possibility. Her legs moved strongly and quickly so she could erase the idea of them. But she could not run away from her thoughts. 

 

Rey thought of those sad brown eyed girls on the floor of the ballroom. She imagined frightfully of the red pool that would collect around their heads. Rey wished it was anastasia's hair but she knew it was not. The red was darker and their arms would reach for each other she knew. 

 

Running as fiercely as she could, she wished she could scream but that was not an option. Rey knew that they could be tracking her possibly but the voice spoke again to her in a chilling voice. _Who would track such a damaged toy, my child_?

 

The voice gave her a chill and for a moment she wanted to just stop her escape from the castle and just sleep. She wanted to be warm for a moment again. The burns and chills were the only extremes she knew. Just for a moment she wanted to feel the space between.  
But Rey continued her run to nowhere. She frantically tried to blind her mind to any single place but her feet guided her and for once she did not know where she’d find herself.

 

_I’ll head to nowhere and i’ll be no one._ The thought calmed her frenzied mind for a time. So the run blended into shallow breaths and wobbly feet.

 

For a time all that she could see were her feet in front of her and her blackened hands. It was a sedative thing to see such a repetitious view after.. Everything that had happened. So she ran on in hopes for nothing. Nothing at all.

* * *

After a long time without realizing it, the woods began to change its colors. The dark greens from before were becoming more alive with the light of the morning. Even the bark upon the trees seemed more lifelike with the shadows of the sunlight. 

 

Rey finally looked around herself and she could see the sunlight peering through the leaves of the tall trees. The light broke off in beams that casted a dimmed setting for her surroundings. It was for the first time did she recognize her bareness.

 

Trying to cover herself with her hands as much as she could. She looked around in hopes to find something to cloak her. _Yes because there will be a dress in the middle of the woods._ She shook her head in dismay for her moment of naivety but it did bring a small laugh to her lips. For that at least she was thankful. 

 

Recognizing that she must go along like this. Rey walked with her arms crossing in the front to skew the vision of her chest. The morning air bit at her skin and she shivered for the first time in a while because of the elements around her.

 

The birds would normally sing at this time. But not one trill was song from the birds. _They know that the land is in mourning. What sentimental little creatures._

 

Rey’s eyes threatened to tear up but she violently shook her head side to side. _No more tears will be spilled, no more blood will be spilled. Not after last night. Not ever again._

 

Looking to the beams of light, she felt a tightening in her chest. But she ignored the feeling and continued to walk on.

 

Time passed on uneventfully for a small time. The sun grew brighter and soared in the sky with every moment following another. The gentle noises of the woods soothed her thoughts and weary feet. She could hear faintly a river passing through and could hear the small noises of the woodland creatures.

 

But as the sun grew in the sky above so did the heat of the day. She tried her best to ignore it but it grew to heavy on her skin, her sweat. Every once in awhile she’d look to her bare skin and see the lines of her skin tone peek through the ash. _The sweat is becoming a bit too much_.

 

Rey made a decision then as she headed to the river. As she grew closer, she could hear the currents pull. The sound was a familiar one and she let all the memories scream to be let out but she did not budge. _Let them scream, let them wear themselves out until they’re just a whisper in my ear_.

 

The trees were farther apart as she actually begun to see the river itself. The shiver that overtook her body then had nothing to do with the heat. 

 

She recognized that river. She knew that river well. Her feet froze as her hands fell to her sides. If she was more afraid she might have ran from it but she couldn’t afford to be afraid anymore. _A no one has no reason to be afraid._

 

So she stalked up to the edge of the river. Where the water brimmed to its sides and she began to wash the ash off her body. 

 

Beginning with her legs and arms, she did a diligent job as always. Humming a song she tried to calm herself. It worked for a time until she realized her torso was still covered in ash and sweat.

 

Rey never cared for swimming. There's something about bodies of water that she just didn’t like. Her reflection in the water always made her feel caged. As if she were underneath the water peering back onto the world. 

 

It was a strange thing to fear she knew and for that reason alone is why she walked into the depths of the water. The water surrounding her legs ailed the soreness of the escape and as she went deeper. She felt as if she was floating. 

 

Her humming increased in its loudness and as she dipped in the water. Her body felt like air. _Dancing, it feels like dancing._

 

The thought would’ve froze her if she remembered the ballroom but as she swam underneath the water. Nothing matter for a moment. Nothing at all.  
Her legs rose and her hands extended in front of her with every stroke. Rey had not realized that she was going deeper into the river. It was just her and her dancing limbs. The deepness did not even enter her mind. 

 

But as she swam to the center of the river. That was when she heard the voice. It was soft at first. Barely a breath of air entering her space but she heard the murmur. 

 

At first she thought nothing of it. Logically speaking she knew that it was impossible to hear voices underneath water. But as she thought about that. The voice grew louder. A strong whisper suddenly spoke in her mind.

 

Breaking from out of the water. She looked all around her. Keeping herself afloat she saw nothing but the woods around her. The river encasing her in it’s core. _I swam too deep in._.

 

There was a sinking feeling in her stomach that nearly anchored her body into the river once more. _Never trust a river you’ve beaten before. It will try to test you again._

 

The voice was her own and that freed her from the fear from underneath the water. But just as she prepared herself to move to shore. That is when she realized she was moving the whole time. 

 

Looking around once more, it all looked the same. But woods are dangerous in that regard. But the opening of the trees in which she previously entered from was gone. Rey was moving with the river and she couldn’t move. But she knew she could but it evoked a feeling she had hidden so long ago. That her dancing limbs had tensed up.

 

Her body was in fight or flight stance. _But how do you fight a river?_. She questioned aimlessly. But a voice called out to her as her head was above the water. It made her heart skip a beat with its words.

 

_You know the answer for that, just remember._ The dialect was different, the language was as well. But she recognized the words all the same. 

 

But as she searched her surroundings she couldn’t find the face that matched the voice. _It was just my imagination_. She told herself but after everything of last night. She could never console herself in that manner again.

 

_Too much has happened. The ballroom, the fires, the man in the garden_...  
The memory of the man in the garden made her pause. The river continued to taker her further and further down to its route but Rey did not notice. Her thoughts were filled with moonlight again. It was shadowy and there was light in the edges of her slippers.

 

Rey remembered their hands touching and the feeling of overwhelming peace. It was a feeling she had never felt before and from that memory her limbs uncurled from the tension.

 

She fell back into the memory.

 

_Blended. Connected. Intertwined. Our hands felt that way and in a weird way so did our minds._

With every twirl, she felt her chest lift from the ground. The arms of the garden prince blew her in grand swirls. It had felt like I was a tornado. He had made me feel like that. .

 

But just as quickly as the memory came, it also went. 

 

_I promised myself to forget it all._ But that memory threatened to make her remember the whole night. Truly she remembered it all. She could still smell dried blood in her soaked hair. 

 

_But I had smiled at the shadow of the man. I had seeked to see his face but in my heart I knew that it would not matter how we would look. We were strangers dancing in a garden. No story could rewrite that fact._

 

_He was no prince and I am no maiden in a story._

 

The sounds of the river steered her out of her thoughts. Rey could still feel the river moving her. It wasn’t a fierce pull but a nagging one all the same. The nagging thought took over her about the voice from before.

 

But just as she was going to think upon it in deeper thought. The sounds of a horse hooves startled her away from the thoughts again. 

 

_Storm knights_.

 

But as she sank her head so only her eyes peeking from the water. Did she then realize the surprise of it all.

 

On the edge of the river to her far right stood a horse that was golden in an orange copper tone. But more importantly was the fact that the horse had no rider.

 

_This could be a trap. The devious blood eaters could be trying to fool me out of the water._

 

However as she thought it, the suspicion felt false to her mind. But she still cautiously lifted her full head out of the water and swam to be closer to the horse.

 

As she grew closer to the edge, she noticed the weariness of the horse. It’s hooves looked muddied and its mane rustled with tangles from a desperate ride. Just as she was going to swim fully to the shore did the horse make a run for it back in the woods.

 

_Well the hint was taken then_. She thought with a huff. But she knew that her stay in the river had been too long. So Rey continued on her venture out of the river.

 

Once she reached sold land underneath her feet, she began an inspection of her body. Without the ashes and the dusk of the night, she saw her welts and bruises stirring with colors upon her skin.

 

_My skin looks like a blotched child’s painting._ Rey chuckled at that until she saw her feet. 

 

_Why are you surprised? The scars wouldn’t fade with just a dip in a river._.

 

She did not know what was crueler. The scars or the fact that it was her own voice that chilled her skin. 

 

But like most things she chose to overlook the hurt and continue on. She delved deeper in the woods as she once came from the exit for the river. The sound of the river was replaced with the distant sound of pacing hooves.

 

_It must be that huffy horse from before. No threat posed at least for now._

 

However rey was surprised by the horse's unusual color. All her life among the forest and countryside she had never seen a breed of horse that color. She thought long about it, letting her feet roam with leisure. One she should've known she could not afford. But in that peaceful quietness of thought is when the sound of arrows shot through the clean air.  
Rey knew she could not outrun horses nor the men but she could out swim them. _The river can take me this time_. 

 

But as she was going to move towards the river she heard a horse’s neigh that spoke out in anguished tones. _It’s just a horse, it has done you no favors_ ,she thought. Rey’s legs felt heavy as she walked away but her feet carried her no further after the voice spoke to her. 

 

_Please don’t leave me_.

 

The voice was soft and shallow. In some strange although she understood their words, but the language almost sounded foreign to her ears. But nonetheless her motion stopped in a desperate halt. Rey wanted to revolt and run. Yet her ached her to turn around.]

 

_Don’t let it die here_.

 

Whirling back all Rey saw was color. Greens and browns blurring. _Let me see no red_ she prayed to the nothingness of the air. She would’ve compared her vision to a painting but she could not slow her heartbeat and mind. She would not let another die while she ran. _I cannot face them yet_.

 

As she sprinted to the sounds, the noises grew in volumes. It was the sharpness of arrows breaking through the wind and the heavy thuds of bringing the earth with their feet. It was a place of killings. This won’t be where the voice dies.

 

That’s when she saw it abruptly. It was a sight that sunk in her eyes like knives. The colors were so vivid in their contrast. Red to the green as the brown was to the grey. But the color orange broke through the most vivid of them all. 

 

It was like a demented storybook unfolding before her eyes. How hooded figures swirled in the daylight circling their capture. Their horses seemed like thunderous clouds. Their hooves pulling puff of brown clouds from the ground. They stirred the ground and she could swear they probably sounded like thunder with all their rustling but she heard nothing but the sound of the voice. 

 

_Take it and run. Please take it before they do.._

The voice shook as it said the words. Rey realized it then that the voice had no intention of fighting. It wished to die here and that nearly brought tears to Rey’s eyes. But she would not let them escape her. 

__I will not let tears flood me. I have no care to fight that stream again._ _

The voice belong to the horse she knew. She knew by the way she focused on it’s breathing and she didn’t know if she felt more ashamed for staying to fight her tears or more so to know she wouldn’t grant this being it’s last wish.] 

Rey charged at the hooded figures. She didn’t know what to expect after hearing the voice of a horse. Perhaps she imagined goblins or shadows that wore cloth. She expected horrific magic but she faced only cruel reality as she gazed at a man with skin that wore like leather. _This is not some fairytale. The real monsters are always human._

\As she thought this to herself. One of the men could tell her intentions as he stabbed the orange horse's leg to the bone. The voice screamed not only to her but all to hear. It sadden her to hear such a soft thing be burst that loud. But that thought came to its end, coldness ran through her as she recognized the men circling her. 

She was not foolish. Rey recognized her lack of dress and saw the hungry look in the men’s eyes as they grew closer. _They wish to rape me and they’ll have me if I don’t do something now_. 

]Rey looked to man to man. There was no compassion in their eyes as they looked her up from head to toe. There was no light in their eyes. The leather man grabbed her and pulled rey to her knees. Rey wished she let that river take her all those years ago. As the men began to herd over her naked body rey felt their heat and wished to be frozen so they could not touch her. _I wish to be glass. Let one of them touch me and bleed. Let them suffer as they make me bleed._ Rey thought as she fought their grasping hands. She could smell the earth beneath her as one of the men threw her to face the ground. 

It was the sound of the men shedding their clothes that prompted her to scream for help. Unbeknownst to the men a knife was left on the pant legs of thrown clothes. It was nearly close enough to her hands _Are there no noble men? Someone save me. Please turn me to glass ju-_

_This is not some fairytale. The real monsters are always human you said it yourself girl. But what do humans do that imagined monsters can’t_? 

Rey’s blood ran cold as she recognized the proximity of the knife to her hand but so did a man besides her. But rey thrust her hand a second before the man.  
The blade handle felt cold to her touch but with the swing of her hand it was searing in warmth. 

_They bleed._

She watched as the men surrounded their fallen leatherface but only for a moment before the hurried voice spoke to her again. 

_We’ll run together, we have no time to talk let us go_! 

So she did. Rey ran to the injured horse before her but not before slicing the legs of their horses. She felt the men running towards her but it was no matter. Rey jumped to the horse's saddle as if it was natural to her. Before they began their ran she swooped up the cloak of the men who bleed to his death there before her. 

_His body will run cold, he’ll have no need for it._

Rey could feel the judgment of the horse beneath for grabbing for the cloth of a dead man but she spoke aloud as it was safe for them as they began to run. Even as she heard the men behind her screaming she could only utter the words as her body chilled in the wind. 

“Warmth is for the living." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the latest installment. I'm not sure anyone has been keeping up with this story but I did take a very long break from writing personally because work and college has been beating my brain black and blue; however, I make no excuses so I apologize for my absence. I hope you all liked this chapter as I enjoyed writing it. Happy reading!


	14. The flow of time is a river, it's threatening to take us under

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To remember and to forget, both follies we fall under oh so often. A humane disease to us all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics serves as inner thoughts, act of communication, and memories when it applies in the context.

It all could be seen through a swooping move. It was a dance of forearms and toughened skin. The sweat glistened through the daylight breaking from the trees. Watching on he felt nearly a king. With all that armor to protect them but now they are only flesh before him. 

 

Kylo looked upon his training grounds from the balcony in his blackened robes. They all called him the shadow against the walls but even more superstitious men called him the king of crows. How he would watch with those beady eyes of his. Those men who thought of that often found themselves tied to silver bed in the room where many could only scream for exit. 

 

_If they were all correct about me being a cursed crow, then they should likely remember that a crow has its own claws as well_. 

 

But above them all in the balcony of a tower, he relished in the breeze. Here the sounds were only his breathing and the echo of a clanging swords. It was a whisper of the only privacy he got in the castle. But he was not to complain. He is a prince to the highest power that this land has ever seen and one day it would all be his.

 

_Mine.. but mine, only _.__

The silence seemed to balance with his thoughts. Kylo noticed the emptiness at his side more so than usual. It had been a handful of nights since the plan had fell into place in the ballroom. All except the retrieval of that blasted resistance scoundrel.  
Even so with that being as it was own of their own that lead him to an escape. 

__It doesn’t matter, they had been wounded and only escaped by chance. The forest with take them. They are probably decorating the forest ground as I stand here_. _

But Kylo knew that to be only wishful thinking. Every night and day, a vast majority of the storm knights were given clear instruction from the king to search for the traitor and the resistance rider. But every nightfall and daybreak, the storm knights came with the same news. 

“There is no sign of the wanted offenders to the first order.” 

_“There is no sign of the girl anywhere that we have searched.”_

That was no matter. They would all be found. Kylo ren of the first order would ensure that. Until then however the usual training would be in place as usual. Their army was a growing one with only the finest training that could be sought out for. 

So he continued to look with no importance. There was no need to rush today. There were to be no attendees to attend to and that was planned was already in motion. It wouldn’t be long that the resistance could hide. There hindrance to the first order would be no more when the plan follows through. 

He let his mind be put at ease with that. Both the breeze and his breaths synchronizing to the rhythm of the swords from down below. Kylo let all his thoughts fall as were the voices that everyone to spoke to themselves, they all fell away if only for a moment. 

The wind trickled into the sleeves of his darkened robes and it felt light and airy to his skin. This would be his small pleasure he decided for himself then. It was a personal thought he could share with himself and the breeze. He knew of a thought he cannot be reminded of. 

It plagued him since their meeting, her. Kylo had tried to look upon his thinking of her as something merely that just happened. The equivalent of thinking of the time or the depth of a wound. But he hated to ponder on her at all. 

__She holds no power over me_. He thought vehemently. _

Yet his own voice spoke out against him, “Liar. 

It was only the memory that brought him to this place of bewilderment. It was only the memory of their fingers touching. It was the power to forget that brought him running back to the memory. _What a divine power to forget, to not remember all that there was before_. 

_She stood there and twirled like a ungraspable ghost. A whisper of light that caught at the tinges of her dress. The glass slippers slicing through the darkness in shards_. 

This was all he could remember about her from look but more importantly he wanted to remember her voice. Kylo tried to remember but it was that wish to forget everything as it came to him that kept the memory at bay. 

It was a scream that ultimately brought him back to the present of the day. The scream seemed to be torn from the pained one’s throat. The sound of it swelled up to where he stood above them all. Calmly he walked to the edge of the balcony once more to peer down. 

He saw the fight then. It appeared two of his storm knights had gotten themselves in some honorable battle. There was a crowd surrounding the two and even their general standing alongside the crowd. 

__What is the meaning of this they ought to be training for_ \- _

The thought was broken by the hurried steps coming from the staircase on the other side of the door. Swinging his hand behind him he flicked his hand to the left. Following his motion the door swung open revealing a person appearing to the light step by step. 

Without doubt in his mind he swung upwards to where the person appearing stepped. A whooshing sound came along as the person was suspended in the air. Kylo brought his hand toward him slowly to reveal the person who came to him without warning. 

_A heavy footed fool with a silent mind, they ought to have a death wish_. 

But when bringing the person to the light, it was revealed to be only a lackey of the first orders commanders. Kylo could see the boy before him shaking in terror. His eyes were watered and even slightly bulging. 

__Most likely Not how he thought he’d meet royalty_._

Kylo titled his head to the side like the cat that ate the canary and a rather humorous thought bubbled to his head. 

__Let him meet me properly as a commoner would to their king_._

With that kylo allowed his hand to move right before and then swung his hand down to the ground at kylos feet. The boy shaking followed his every move. The boy fell with heavy thud and his moans were quiets of pain. 

__He’s quiet about his pain. That’s impressive at least now where were we again_._

Kylo waited for the boy to regain breath but the boy laid there in silent shakes. Kylo supposed he did take it rather hard on the boy beneath him but only because of his interruption. Still he knew that fear should not be their only sole reasoning to keep those loyal to the first order. 

Rising his hand upwards more softly. The boy’s body rose with the movement of kylo’s hand. Once he was brought up properly to his feet. Did kylo then let go of his grip on the boy. When the boy’s motion became his own he nearly wobbled to the floor once more but he shook his shakiness and recovered enough to look kylo ren in the eye and speak about the news given to him. 

The boy stood with a straight rigid back and uttered quickly, “There is possible news of the girl. We found a group of ruffians at the gate about an hour or so ago said that they might have seen the girl from-” 

“There was news of a possible lead about an ‘hour or so ago’ and I wasn’t told immediately!” Kylo rushed downwards to the doorway pushing aside the boy from before out of the way. 

Kylo’ strides were long and stealthy as he began his descent on the stairs. The lighting being candles that adorned the walls. Kylo wished to hurry along to the ruffians but the boy was still following mindlessly and blabbering on about. 

“Prince! It was only ensure that their statements were worthy enough to grace your ears-” 

Kylo stopped abruptly to turn to look upon the boy behind him and spoke aloud, clear and direct. “Here is a tip when speaking to someone who can make or break your placement. Do not flatter them words. Give them answers once you have them and one more thing boy.” 

Silence enveloped the staircase as the boy waited for his prince’s response. Sweat was beading down his temples as he nervously looked on. 

“Do try to keep up with me. Lead me to these so called ruffians.” 

* * *

The walk to the altar room seemed a rather extensive one but nonetheless their kylo saw a group of men in ragged cloaks sullying the fine carpet of the room. Without pause he strides down the walkway of the grand room to face the the group of ruffians. As he walked down kylo noticed Hux standing there with his always sour scorned face on. 

But kylo could not pay that detail any matter. There was a matter to attend to and news to be brought to light even if the news is from a rather shifty source. It is news nonetheless. 

__Is there information legitimate, Hux?_. Kylo spoke out in his voice to general hux mind as he walked on to the front of the room. To kylo ren’s surprise Hux responded back audibly, “You should hear this for yourself, prince ren.” _

___ _

__There was a stillness in Hux’s voice and dare kylo admit it, there was even respect in his eyes upon looking away from him. As he finished this thought he was put face to face to the group of supposed ruffians._ _

___ _

__Upon facing them kylo ren thought to see strong burly men who would have scars that would tell stories. The prince was nearly disappointed with the dirtied men with bloodshot eyes. But most surprising of all was the dead man that two of their own held._ _

___ _

___“If you all come to tell me that this man you hold here is the girl we’ve been searching for. I will be right about being the only one with a notion of sense in this damn land.”_ _ _

___ _

___From the corner of kylo’s eye, he saw hux give a little smirk. It was an amused one; however, these men before him seemed hardly amused about the mocking of their dead._ _ _

___ _

___“You fluffy headed prince don’t ‘ave half the mind as Hatch, here did!” The one who held the right side of the dead man proclaimed at him. The room gave into a silence. The angry men seem to recognize their companions mistake but all that kylo could say was, “My apologies this dead man here-” the prince points to the dead body almost bewildered. “-is named hatch, I was told you were ruffians who brought me news not clowns for a show.”_ _ _

___ _

___This caused the stir. The men began to drum their hands to their chest and scream profanities. The men drew chairs from the original positions and crashed them on the ground. It was madness. Madness that kylo ren did not have patients for._ _ _

___ _

___Seizing his hand upwards off the ground, the dead man began to float midair. Some of the men must’ve been religious men in their past lives for some lept to their knees in prayer while the other watched in a mix of awe and fear._ _ _

___ _

___“Now that I have you attention what happened to the girl. I can clearly see that you don’t have her so what is the news you seek to bring me.”_ _ _

___ _

___One of the men who had kept quiet came forward in a silent rage with every step he took. Anger radiated off him. Kylo could only pity a fool who could be so careless in how they address their future king. But he waited to hear what the rugged man had to say._ _ _

___ _

___The man shook his shoulders subtly and clear his throat before he spoke. “That is my father that is dead before you. Your bewitchment is a insult to his memory. We do not come from with news. We come for vengeance. The girl you have a search for killed my father. It was a slow death he had, yes. So if this girl is wanted dead. I can give you that but her body will not be returned. There will be nothing left of it once i’m done with that whorish wench!”_ _ _

___ _

___“YOU WILL RESPECT YOUR PRINCE AND DENOUNCE HIS BOUNTY ON THE GIRL.” Hux bellowed to the room and on as it echoed through._ _ _

___ _

___“He is no prince of mine if he allows the killing of a man go unjustified.” The son of the dead man leveled his stare to the prince. Kylo fixed him back the glare he has mastered since his youth._ _ _

___ _

___Kylo ren brought his other hand to ward off Hux’s aggression but kylo did not miss how the men before him flinched. Staring off to the dead man still hanging in the air under his command. The prince decided to ask what he’s been wanting to have answered since the son spoke the words._ _ _

___ _

___“What evidence that you bring that it is the girl the First order is searching for. There was never a public announcement of her appearance how can you be so sure?”_ _ _

___ _

___The ruffians looked to one another in question but slowly they all started answering out in their own conclusions._ _ _

___ _

___“Her face and body were fair, it’d only make sense that the beauty belonged to you, our prince.”_ _ _

___ _

___“She wore a dress that was fine like a rich women’s, your sire!”_ _ _

___ _

___“There was a way of royalty about her your grace!”_ _ _

___ _

___Kylo ren heard all these and knew that most of these were lies but the of the men interrupted this thought by saying.  
“The girl, I know it sounds like madness but she uh seemed to be talking to this unusual horse. It was like they were in cahoots, uh your highness.”_ _ _

___ _

___That statement stopped Kylo in his tracks as he then thought to himself. “You might be correct on this young man.” Kylo walked a step closer to the men before him with his arm still raised. “However this question has gone unasked and unanswered and well that would be, why did the girl kill your father?”_ _ _

___ _

___It was almost comical how all the men tensed up by the prince's words. But comical was not the feeling that the men were exuding. It was fear. The silence drew on and the men visually became shrunken under Kylo’s stare._ _ _

___ _

___What are you afraid to say to me, ruffians_. _ _

___ _

___But yet the silence drew on until one of the men stuttered out lamely. “The girl wish to steal our orange horse sir, Hatch only tried to get her away from the horse it was ours.”_ _ _

___ _

___“You and I know that’s both not true. That’s why you cannot look me in the eye. So i’ll give you all another opportunity to at least come up with a better lie. Why did she kill old hatch here.” Kylo shook the dead man as he uttered the last words._ _ _

___ _

___The silence kept on in a slow pace and as time moved on. The silence grew in its volume. The prince looked on with his hand still raised until he could take it no longer. “I will give you all till the count of three to tell me what actually happened.”_ _ _

___ _

___The men looked to each other frantically in that moment._ _ _

___ _

___“One.”_ _ _

___ _

___The stench of the men’s sweat began to gravitate through the room second by second._ _ _

___ _

___“Two.”_ _ _

___ _

___Men by men looked to the doors behind them as a form of salvation. Kylo looked to the son once more and saw fear but a stubbornness that would find him an early grave. It was to bad, the son amused him quite a bit._ _ _

___ _

___Three_. _ _

___ _

___Kylo shot his other hand to direction where the son stood and raised him like his father in the air. The other men screamed in desperate fear._ _ _

___ _

____They should be afraid_. _ _ _

___ _

___And with a fierce motion he brought his hand to the direction of his feet. The son flung to ground of the prince’s feet and looked up to see the empty stare of the prince. There might’ve been fear in his eyes but Kylo did not see it._ _ _

___ _

___Kylo placed his hand on the son's head and did what had to be done. He would get the truth out him, the best way he can._ _ _

___ _

___The memories flied in his mind as speed of a shot arrow._ _ _

___ _

____It was her in all her form, he could see it all but all he could focus on were her eyes. It was the forest in her eyes but there were fear in them as well. The memories piled on each other like decks of cards. He saw her being thrown like a rag doll. He saw the men’s hungry eyes and he saw her being held like some animal to be slaughtered. But above all else he heard her screams. Everything blurred together_. _ _ _

___ _

___He knew everything that he would get from these men. Kylo let go of the man’s head roughly and let him fall._ _ _

___ _

___The men all tried to run but kylo raised both his hands and motioned violently to slam the doors. Some of the men begged he heard in the back of his mind. They cried as they ran about. Kylo had no compassion for these men._ _ _

___ _

____That had to die a long time ago_. _ _ _

___ _

___The son still lied at his feet and he heard no tears from the man. No tears for his own life nor his fathers._ _ _

___ _

____This man has no honor_. _ _ _

___ _

___The thought wilted the moment it came to surface. But this was not the time for remembrance._ _ _

___ _

___“You there, son.”_ _ _

___ _

___The son raised his head slowly but with strong purpose. Kylo almost admired his resilience but it did not last long enough for the words to not slip out._ _ _

___ _

___“What would you like to be the last sight you see before you die?”_ _ _

___ _

___The man before stood while his man tried to open windows and break down the door. It was chaos of noise but it was silent for both the prince and the widowed son._ _ _

___ _

___“I would love to see you girls naked arse again if you didn-”_ _ _

___ _

___Kylo ren raised his hand slowly and so did the son rise with it. He felt his arms begin to squeeze and the son’s gurgled cries were the only sound echoing out. He saw the men’s reactions. Most ran and screamed begging to find a way out but few just stood and watched. In terror or in disgust it would not matter in the end._ _ _

___ _

___“You’ve come for vengeance.” Kylo squeezed his fingers closer to his hand as the blood began to run from the man’s eyes._ _ _

___ _

___“This is your vengeance.”_ _ _

___ _

___All the men began to wail and all to their knees some even curling in on themselves as they lied down in terror._ _ _

___ _

___“You’ve come for justice.”_ _ _

___ _

___The prince flicked his wrist violently to the left and the crack of the son’s neck yelled into the room’s echos. Following this kylo follow she ruffian in the room and motioned his hand to hard left. The cracking was not a harsh sound after the third one. This went all until one man was left near the edge of the room. He was crying and begging but Kylo remembered this man. He was the one that foolishly left the knife unattended._ _ _

___ _

___His death will be faster for it_. _ _

___ _

___“You’ve come for justice”_ _ _

___ _

___The man yelled and pleaded against the will of his companion but Kylo’s hand was already up, it was all but too late for him._ _ _

___ _

___“This is her justice.”_ _ _

___ _

___The crunch echoed in the room and resounded at every corner. Kylo ren surveyed the room and the bodies surrounded like fallen snowflakes on the winter snow. But truly there was nothing poetic about this. This was service by the first order. No frilly analogy could make it different. Calmly Kylo turned to Hux and demanded.  
“Have these men wheeled out of here and burned, there is no dirt soiled enough for them to be buried under as far as I'm concerned.” With that The prince continued to stalk out the room, leaving as if he’d only stepped in for but a moment. _ _ _

___ _

___But he remembered as he walked away. He remembered everything and without realizing he uttered endlessly underneath his breath._ _ _

___ _

___“She lives, she lives, she lives.”_ _ _

___ _

___The ungraspable ghost, she lives_. _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for checking in on this series and reading the latest update! It is very appreciated and as always I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well. Happy reading friends!


	15. Following our heartache, it lead us to smoke. It burned our tracking feet.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We find ourselves in our memories as we aim to forget them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics serves as inner dialogue, forms of communication, and memories when it fits in context.

The air caught in his throat felt dry and scratchy. It was if parchment paper was found in his throat. It was a strange way of describing the sensation; however, this seemed a rather strange occurrence happening at this moment. His body felt heavy and if he had the vacancy of the rest of his feelings back into his body. It would be safe to assume he would also be freezing.

But probably the strangest sensation was that he felt very much alone. Peering upwards, opening his eyes. The sunlight broke through the darkness of his lids. He made a small noise of discomfort. This pain was only a small amount.

_I’ve taken worst_. He thought to himself.

Yet he had to break the sun fasting he was doing rather quickly unless his plan was to freeze to death. So little by little he crept his eyes to take in his surroundings. It was rather odd. His throat was in a massive heat. Swallowing sand had the sand had the same effect. That was a trial in his training he could not forget.

Yet with time his eyes began to adjust to his surroundings. The greens were splattered among the trees so hazardly. It was the only color his eyes could behold but looking forward he knew that statement to be false.

The river was there in all it’s color. The grey rocks peeking through at the edges. The white that glinted of it’s soft slow stream. He flinched at the reminder.

_It was not soft to me nor po-_.

That thought stopped him in his tracks. Yelling out with a strained throat, “Poe.” All he was met with was the noises of the forest surrounding him. They were soothing noises but not the noise of the speaker he wished to hear.

“Poe!” He yelled again in hopes of hearing a worded reply. He would even take a disgruntled noise as confirmation as well. But the silence drew on and on and on.   
Knowing it was imperative for him to get up and allow his circulation to flow, he raised up with wobbly feet.

The land underneath was unsure of him or him of it because with just slip of his right foot. He crashed himself at the bottom of the grass once more. He couldn’t help myself, he yelled out in the crisp air of the day. The sky was a pretty blue with wisps of clouds. He saw this above like a painting in a grand frame of his lashes. 

He felt his eyes beginning to fall upon him. The black tinges finding themselves closing in on his eyes. He felt the heat grace his shoulders first as it swam upwards and downwards. It wasn’t as cold as it was before and for a moment he contemplated it. Lying there in a grass he saw the breeze sway the trees above him but lying there he felt nothing at all. 

He closed his eyes but only for a moment he had promised himself. The only sense he could use to himself was hearing. He could focus on the ripples of the water, the leaves being swept by the breeze, and even the sound of hooves upon the forest floor.

_Wait hooves? A horse_? 

“Escape.”

Using the small amount of strength he had left in his body, he raised himself to his feet. The same effect would happen to him again; however, it was the sight of something from the corner of his eye that stopped his trembling legs. Whipping his head to see it, he felt a great pain swell in his temples. 

But it was as clear as day that It was poe’s jacket, hanging loosely on a broken branch at where the water barely meets the land. He would be fool to say that it didn’t give him hope but he knew the fate his friend had come to.

_If he didn’t get speared by a rock then he likely drowned. A rock spearing him seems more fitting of a death for the smirking man. At least it would be a faster death_.

The thought shook him for a second but he knew his training had brought him to conclude it for a separate time. He knew is main objective had to be survival. Looking forward he heard the hooves rattling on. He knew that it had to be one or maybe two horses but he could not be to sure. The water must’ve dried in his eyes for he had a difficulty of hearing at the moment. 

The pain faltered and breeze went through him as he shivered but he knew of the consequences that could come from shivering. So he began to step towards the sound. But he could not tell if he was reaching it.

He could swear it was coming towards him but it could’ve easily be fleeting him or coming from one of his sides. He had no true way of knowing and that troubled him greatly.

His training always taught him how to spot the enemy and bring them to the wanted space but there was never a training pattern for how to escape.

_Of course there wasn’t. They never intended to saving us or aiding us. If we can’t make it then we simply aren’t worthy_.

He could remember General Phasma’s clear voice explain the same explanation every time there was a cleared out bed or retiring armor. The same explanation that had him in the middle of nowhere praying for the sound of hooves.

“Only the best survive. The others were just not suitable for life.”

But he couldn’t leave himself with those memories or those thoughts. He had escaped that place. He never needed training for that.

Just then he heard as in actually really hear it. It wasn’t hooves; however, it was a bustling. He could hear voices and even maybe _Hooves_.

He did what he could but he found himself nearly running to the noise. He tried to his best abilities but he caught his foot on a rock and he fell upon his knees. Knocking the wind out of him. He tried to regain his breath but looking down he realized the wind out of him brought him a gift. For as he looked down he noticed a worn path. Looking up he saw the an opening from the trees and looking even farther up he saw smoke rising towards the sky. He saw it all before him.

_Freedom_.

* * *

The ride felt as if it went on for hours. Rey felt sickened by the lack of sleep and argued with herself often well almost by herself. 

_You’re veering off again. Just allow me to guide us, I know this forest far better than you do_.

Rey was still getting used to the horse speaking to her in that manner. It was disturbing in its newness but she couldn’t dwell on that for too long. Her weariness was beginning to go in and she just couldn’t stop her eyes from closing in on her. 

Just as she was letting the sleep nearly take her a sudden jolt awakened along with a neigh that highly resembled laughter.

_It’s a saddle not a bed, chin up we should be arriving at the nearest village soon_.

Rey heard the smugness in the horses tone and couldn’t help but laugh at the dryness of it’s humor but the laughter died in her throat. She knew the horse beneath her was correct, staying up would be the premise of both their survival. Staying awake was key until there was a safe place for them to rest.

The trees went by in flying colors around. If she were any more exhausted, she would’ve thought the world was all green with the appearance it was showing her. But she knew better.

_The world is composed of more than just green. There is no many other colors that come about like red. So much red_.

The thought her back to everything that happened before. She tried to release herself from the thought but she couldn’t shake the reminder that loomed over herself so greatly. 

_I killed a man. I took a son, someone’s father, a-_ .

Her thought was interrupted by the harshness of the horses voice.

_You killed a man willing to rape you and then kill you. Son or father, he deserved death. Don’t soften to this. Sharpen to it_.

Rey thought upon it and she knew the horse was right. Still the silence wore on and her mind began to darken. But all that had to be left behind, she knew she couldn’t dwell on it. So instead she thought of what lied ahead. She could swear this forest seemed so freakishly familiar. It looked the right type of green. It even had the same sounds. She almost could hear a murmur of a river. It even smelled faintly the same. The crispness of the season with the leaves, the robust smell of the dirt they picked up as they rode. Even a small scent of smoke whiffing throughout the air.

Her senses nearly brought her calmness to a halt. She spoke aloud suddenly, “There’s smoke ahead!”

_Very observant, perhaps you do need some rest then_.

She scoffed at that loudly. “As much as that comment should be properly addressed with equal sarcasm. No smoke means fire, fire means a hearth and a hearth means a village.”

_You couldn’t just say look there’s a village_?

Rey dipped her head back and laughed. For a moment she let herself forget everything. She had felt so heavy in her heart for the past hours. But with the sun gleaming through the splatted leaves and having the wind swept through her by the ride. Rey felt like the light itself. She could allow herself a smile if only for a moment.

The ride went on shortly as she conversed with the horse beneath her. She learned small bits of information about the horse on the last of the ride. 

_BB? Strange name isn’t it_?

The silence that fell after felt stiff all over. Rey had the distinct feeling that she had to apologize but just as she was about to speak, her train of thoughts were interrupted.

_My friend gave me that name, it’s a strange name but it’s mine_.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it as a insult. It was just an observation, you’re friend was very good to you then.”

_Was? You mean is, you’ll meet him soon i’m sure. His name is Poe, Poe Dameron. He’s a bit prideful but it’ll make a world of a difference if you act as if you’ve heard of him_. 

Rey heard the warmth in BB’s tone when he spoke of the man he called a friend. She wish she could conjure the same feeling but she couldn’t bring herself to. All who she loved were dead in that ballroom. She could still smell it all.

The way the brassy smell of blood stung her nose. It clung to her she knew, the stench of the burned. She could faintly smell it in her hair. The river couldn’t wash it all away.

_Nothing truly can_.

The horse stopped abruptly and it nearly had her flying forwards but once she gathered herself to look up she knew why the sudden stop. Before them both, she could see a slight lining of a pathway so she followed it up and then notice the village she spoke of from before.

“It can’t be, no it can’t,” she whispered for only her to hear. Yet she failed on that account because BB looked as much as it could to her in slight worry. But the attempt failed rey was frozen in place. 

BB moved a hoof above the other but was held back a tug to it’s hair. Frustrated as BB was, it knew it had to ask. Begrudgingly admitting BB cared for this girl’s welfare but BB did in some way care. We are all such broken things, BB knew he had to act.

_What is the matter_?

Rey swallowed a large gulp of air and licked her lips in wait. She felt a terror and a shame for not recognizing this part of the forest. Had she not run in these forest in the night away from the blasted home only to be taken back with a drink of the Lady’s special tea. Had she not walked these paths for a loaf of bread knowing she’d get only the crumbles to put in her soup. Had she forgotten the smoke.

No she could never forget the smoke. Not ever again. 

_This village, I’m from- I- I- this is not a proper place to rest_.

 

BB swayed its head to one side to stop to think. BB knew that the consideration of the girl’s fear here should be in consideration but BB knew that they both needed rest. So he continued on.

_What is the matter with you child, we must go forth_.

Rey continued to stare ahead and for the life of her, the veins inside her felt of ice. It was cold sweat running down her temple and for a moment she contemplated running. But she knew if she ran, she’d only run towards another village with a bakery and with the same worn paths.

There is no escaping the memories she knew but she felt weak with the realization that it pained her to remember. The folly of not having that tea right now.

_It tasted of bitter pumpkin_.

She felt the movement from underneath her as she got back to grips. Rey wanted to yell and cry but they both needed rest. She could forget while she slept. They both could at least.

So they continued on, rey guided of course. She knew this place so well no tragedy could change that. It was strange seeing the village after everything. The people were bustling as if nothing had changed but she knew why. They are all commoners, who had no invite to the ball. It was their ignorance and Rey envied all of them for it. 

But the light ride through the town proved of course fruitful. BB weaved some small talk like how his companion was like. It was all small generic details but it helped BB cope and be put at ease so Rey did not desert the conversation and it fed it the best she could. 

Yet before long, Rey and BB stood in front of Jaque’s inn. Rey hopped off holding her cloak around her tightly. Guiding BB’s reign like any horse she tied BB to the stable conjoined in the inn. 

_How will you pay for the inn, you have nothing but quite literally the clothes on your back_.

Rey smiled a subtle smile and knew what she had to do. The walk was not long from the center of the town. It’d take her only minutes before she arrive so she set off without another word to her newest companion.

Rey looked downwards as she always did on her way back. It was strange how one thing could make you feel so insignificantly small. As she walked the same path back, she felt herself become the size of a child. Her feet paddled on the worn stones and she felt the tightness in her chest.

She swore to herself she’d never go back but she needed a place to stay and by god she knew she could get something of value from the damned place. So she passed all the same places in silence. In hopes that something would divert her from the path she was leading.

But as time trudged on she began to notice on how close she was. Just pass the trees she knew she’d be there. The air felt stale and her rey’s eyes began to sting at the corners. But she knew all she’d be facing were memories. Rey knew that they couldn’t have survived, had they tried to run their skirts would have tripped them down the steps. They would have been vulnerable. An easy kill. 

Shaking her head from the imagery she opened the gates and walked towards the house. But as she grew closer to the doors her legs broke to a sprint. The blood rushed in her veins as the panic set in. Slamming into the door her hands shook slightly as she fumbled with the knob. 

The door opened for her with a creak and with that she flew into the home in her quickness. The staircase felt as if it loomed over her like the palace and her body was still in fear but her sleepiness had to bring her to run up the stairs. As she then ran to the lady’s room. 

Rey knew the lady adored her share of shiny things and they had to be of some value. So rey opened the door and continued her trek to the lady’s jewelry drawer. With clumsy hands she grabbed the glittering chains of the necklace and bunched them together and nearly continued to find herself out until she caught a shadow from the corner of her eye.

Moving her head slowly she looked towards the only source of light in the room that being the window. But as she finally looked she saw then that it was only the shadow of the lady’s medicine cabinet. Rey felt foolish in that moment.

_Ghost don’t exist, you silly girl_.

But rey knew she was wrong by that though. The house itself was ghost every creak a reminder of all the memories made here. The memories of them were ghost enough for her and with that she moved towards the cabinet.

Even as a little girl she had feared this collection of wood. It was the Lady’s livelihood standing in front of her. Rey always never understood that on how a woman could cause so much pain but heal it too. But rey didn’t want to remember and think at that moment. Just being in the house she knew she just couldn’t forget all of this but cowardly she knew there were ways of temporarily forgetting. 

With that Rey searched the lady’s cabinet to find the tea from before. The lady could do her this one favor at least. Sorting through she grabbed small things like bandages and cleaning pads. Finally reaching the tea too. It was in a big brown bottle. 

“It’ll last me for a good while at least,” she said softly to herself. 

Grabbing a satchel in which she carried things from the village back, as the lady did when she rarely left. She put all the items into the bag and set off to the inn. Rey as much as it hurt her pride, she ran. It was like she was riding again, from the corners of her eyes. The colors raced by and rey had only one thought.

_I just need to sleep, all i need is sleep_.

By the time she reached the inn, she felt her legs go heavy and her arms weakened. But she kept onto her path inside the inn. In all her years Rey had been inside the inn a handful of times. 

As a child she would hide in the kitchen underneath the sacks of flour, sometimes she even remembered the innkeeper gave her pity once and allowed her the closet near the entryway. Rey passed by it as she strode in.  
It was disturbing how after all the years that passed since she came tumbling in as a little girl, that inn remained the same. The rich colors of the wood walls and the dark green curtains and the red tapestry depicting the grand palace.

_It’s fitting that palace would have red cloth behind it_.

But she was rushed away from the thought as the voice boomed out to her. “Is that your horse out in the stables miss.” Looking up she saw the innkeeper, the woman had aged from the last time she saw her. Her hair had streaks of gray but her eyes were still bright and brown. 

“Yes ma'am, i’m also looking for a room to stay in for the night.” She could tell the woman was trying to scope her out subtly, it was in the way she scanned her face. The woman wouldn’t find the resemblance as far as Rey was concerned the girl she knew from the closet was gone. But the innkeeper must’ve not made the connection as she continued on with her.

“And what is your form of payment girl.” Now her eyes were ones of skepticism. Rey without hesitation brought out one of the ladies thin necklaces. It was a copper chain but she knew it’s authenticity. It’d be enough at least for tonight and some food. 

“Where did you find this chain or rather steal it, it looks rather familiar.” Rey nearly froze at that but kept on with the conversation with fake ease as she done by habit with the Lady herself.

“It was my mother’s, it is mine to have and I only want to exchange it for a night’s stay for both my horse and I. Perhaps if you see it fit including some bread and drink.” Rey’s voice betrayed her with it’s hopefulness and it must’ve bled into the woman’s indication because the aged woman’s eyes made Rey feel small again. The bright brown eyes were casted down and the pity was there in it’s brown depths. Suddenly she felt her room would be the closet again. But her memory of it all was interrupted by the innkeepers voice.

“It’d be enough for you and your horse out there girl, i’ll show you to your room. Follow me.” Her voice was stern but there was a softness at the edges at the end when she spoke to Rey. Rey didn’t know if it mattered to her or not, kindness was not something she was given in supply. But she was too tired to let herself share in the softness. She just wanted to sleep. 

Once they reached an empty room, the woman looked to her and handed her a key. “Here is room girl, get some rest. Dinner will be served we’ll ring the bells to wake you up.” The smile was etched into her wrinkled skin and it was so imperfect the way it folded into her skin. There was a beauty in it and she couldn’t help but to smile back. With that the woman walked. Rey didn’t wait to look at her retreating figure. Rey walked to the room and allowed herself to carry till she reached the bed before her. Rey lied down in her bloodied cloak and covered herself once more with the cover. Lastly letting her head fall to the pillow. It was rough and lumpy but in that moment it felt like the finest silk. Rey knew at least for this rest she wouldn’t need the tea. Her dreams would be empty by the exhaustion and for rey that’s all she could ask for.

As she drifted to sleep she heard voice whispering to her. It was one she barely recognized but it pulled her to the darkness in her sleep. It was a deep voice as it sunk her to the abyss.

_She lives, she lives, you live_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the newest installment, i'm sorry I've taken so long to update. Life as we all know it is beyond most of our control. With that being said knowing all of us being star wars fans. Carrie fisher's death shocked and sadden us all. She is the force and may the force be with her. May we all get through her loss together. I'm sorry if you feel this is unnecessary but we must pay our respects. In dedication to our princess, our general, to our space mom.


	16. In looking back we ask for apology but in return we get no forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We counted our breaths but are lungs are giving us away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italic words are both a form of communication, inner dialogue, and or memories if it fits in context.

His ragged breathing tore through his chest and it resembled ice frosting over his lungs as he breath in and out. He was in a village, a small one but a village nonetheless. It felt out of place him witnessing these small habits of these people. In the way the woman with the animated voice argued for the prices in the eggs. Apparently an increase in coin. Even to small children jumping from one stone to another. They played in the openness of the day. Finn felt outplaced in their normalcy. They lived each day with the smallest of pleasures but all their actions were made of choice.

_That is their freedom_.

Finn felt a slight breeze then. He felt the chillness tear through him as he took a step forward. He knew his clothes were still wet if not dampened. It would cause him a big amount of trouble if he didn’t find haven or clothes soon. Truly the only thing keeping him moderately warm was Poe’s jacket and for that he was thankful. But he couldn’t think of Poe right now. He felt the tugging at his heart and he’d be damned if he’d let himself feel helpless again.

No he’d find distraction, he’d find escape from the reign of the The First Order, he’d find a home. This place could be it he thought for a moment. As he looked to the short expanse before him he saw markings of the people. The smoke wafting up to sky from a bakery, the worn stones that surrounded the town’s center, and even into the sounds of people talking laughing, just existing in the space around them. Yet Finn knew this couldn’t be home to him, It was too close to the first order. No, this was to be borrowed home. He could make that work.

Peering around more he decided to keep walking on and to his surprise the town seem rather peaceful. It was the peace that disturbed him, he did not know such things before. But it was something he would think of later for now he had to focus on the chills he was then suffering. 

But as he was wandering around he smelled an aroma. It was whiff full of seasoned mutton and it made his stomach curl with anticipation. He was so cold but maybe eating would warm him up, he reasoned to himself. But knowing he had no means for the food wouldn’t stop him. He followed the scent until he found himself in front a small inn. He couldn’t help but to keep moving towards the door, no matter the cost of being discovered.

It was a night and day experience as he walked in. The men and women could be heard with their hearty laughter and loud conversations from what he would presume was the dining hall of the small inn. He was about to follow their sounds until a rather cough disturbed his route.

“You looking for a room or your possible share of the dinner we’re serving, sir?” Looking towards the voice, he discovered a youngish looking man. He could possibly be only younger by a small bit from what Finn could estimate by the look of him. Stuck in his observations, he nearly forgotten to respond to the young man. But finally he got back in his wits to respond to the man. He decided to be upfront, Finn didn’t want to steal from this place. The First Orders method wouldn’t fly with him anymore. He’d leave every old piece of him behind if he could help it.

“Neither, I only came in for the warmth of your place.” Finn tried his best to not be odd about it but he knew the appearance he was making but Finn knew his innocence. To him that’s all that mattered; however, the younger man seem skeptical of Finn’s statement at least that was till he saw the state of dress the man standing before him was in. 

“You’re soaked, are you alright sir?” Finn felt a small bit for the concern found in the young man’s tone. But he knew he couldn’t do the young man any favors so instead he responded back matter of fact, “I’m quite alright. It was slightly chilly outside so sought warmth. If my presence is a nuisance I’ll make sure to clear myself out of here, if you wish.” 

The young man was surprised by the man’s honesty and for a loss of words, he blurted out his intentions. “Oh no sir, my apologies the miss’s just wanted an inquiry with you just standing about and all.”

Finn knew not to be offended by the worry of him being here. It seemed nowadays strangers doing odd things was frightening to some. He wished it was different but supposedly a lot of difference came with the first order’s reign. 

“It’s alright, I understand would you like to tell her my apologies. I didn’t mean to intrude on your place here. I’ll see myself out-” Finn was interrupted by then man’s bursting in a rush. “Actually sir, wait right here I’m just gonna talk to the miss’s about something, just give me a moment’s time.”

With that the young man walked to an older woman standing near what seemed to be the inn’s sign in for their rooms. Finn noticed their flurried conversation as they glanced his way in small looks. Finn nearly felt uncomfortable at their stares but he decided to look their way. 

_Let them know I can see them_.

But only with a few moments trickling by, did the young man join the older woman in their pursuit towards him. Then they stood in front of him, the woman began to speak out. “My boy here told me that you were looking for a good meal, I think we can fix that.” 

Finn looked to them in confusion for a second, not understanding the meaning of what they were implying but clarification came in with the words of the mousey young man.

“You work for us we’ll offer you a room and meals as well. Now the room isn’t pretty but it’ll do for rest. The work isn’t too hard, it’s a promising offer.” Finn thought on it and knew this offer was tempting but he knew additionally that this town was to close to the palace. 

It was an act of pity he knew and it nearly filled him with shame but shame was not something he could afford. There was a great many things he couldn’t afford in his stature as a traitor to the regime. So with a second thought at that time he spoke aloud his wishes.

“That is a gracious offer and I know this not a time in the kingdom for charity but you have offered me just that. I accept your charity and if it isn’t asking for too much, If I could take a bath while my clothes dry. It would be deeply appreciated.” Finn let the tone of gratitude fall into his words. He knew that they just needed help perhaps but it was still a charitable thing for them to offer nonetheless.

The older woman and her young male companion nodded their heads in acceptance. The woman looked to the young man, “Show our newest around the inn, prepare him a bath once you’re done.” With that the older woman walked off to a door to the far left. Once she was out of sight, the young man looked to him. “Well let’s show you the outs and ‘ins’ of this place.” Finn chuckled at that followed him to small areas. First he was showed the kitchen where he’d prepare the food if prompted and wash this dishes mainly. He was shown even the serving hall if needed he’d serve guest of the respectable inn. Continuing on the young man gave him further instructions of the rules and regulations of the inn. With all that time that passed the darkness of the sky was settling in.

The young man looked to the sky from outside of the stable and then looked to Finn. “It’s getting close to serving time for dinner, best to get you washed up for the guest. I’ll take your room.” The young man led finn to a small structure attached to the stable. Inside there was a small cot and a large metal tub.

“Now I know it might not look as much and that the smell of the stable might be-”  
Finn interrupted the young man. “It is more than enough, thank you. Now how do I prepare the bath exactly.” The young man before him rambled out about where to get the water and such. After the small interaction and the fetching of water. Finn was left alone to prepare his bath.

As finn lifted the buckets of waters and drew them into the metal tub, the steam of the water rose into the room misting it all around. His clothes were already drying on him and as he shed the layers, he hung them near the opened window in hopes that the breeze would finish the job. 

Once bare finn walked to the tub and settled himself in it. He let himself loosen and for a small fraction of a moment, his head was clear. He washed off himself the dried blood and grime from his body. His mind was silent until he looked to his clothes on the windowsill.

The clothes hung on the edge of the window and as he looked on, he caught a sight on poe’s jacket. Looking away quickly he tried but the sight of it had the memories trickling back. Guilt rose again but it was no matter. What's done is done.

_The river took him_.

But even with that he felt as if he was drowning again. In the emotion or of the steam he didn’t know but as he sunk into the water, Finn felt a pulsing in the water. 

_The river took him but it took some part of me too_.

* * *

_She was running again, her feet stung with every stride she took. The soles of them burned. All around her she could smell it. Smoke, it was everywhere. Grey flakes fell from all that she could see. The sky was even grey but it was the heat she was running from. She could feel it licking the edges of her ankles, it was close. Oh so close_.

_Wanting to look back she began to slow her stride but as she gradually timed it down, she felt the immense heat at her neck. She heard the whisper and she felt pulled by it. She looked back frantically to face the fire but behind her was only darkness. The flakes of grey were gone and so was the heat. It was cold. There was no color in the immense darkness. She felt barely there herself_.

_Just as she felt the coldness almost envelope her she heard a voice call through the darkness_.

_“I can’t see your face here”_.

_The voice shook her for a second. Frantically she looked all around her but the image was all the same. It was pitch black and for a moment she thought she imagined the voice but then she heard it again softly_. 

_“You’re close enough, don’t fight it”_.

Just as the low voice finished it’s whisper she could feel a shifting in the air. There was a pull forward and for a moment she saw a small glimmer of light breaking through, as she stepped forward she smelled a vague smell but it drew her to the glimmer. But just as she nearly took the step a flaming hot hand grasped her shoulder. She yelled out to the abyss. As her eyes fell she saw a dark shadow in the halo of light.

Rey woke with cold sweat sliding down her temples. Letting out small little gasps, she pulled herself up from the bed. Looking around she saw that the sun was finally setting from her small window. Seeing a creak through the window rey walked to the window letting the cloak fall to the bed. The breeze was creeping in and it sent a shiver through rey’s body.

It wouldn’t be too long until the bell would be rung for the serving hall. Looking down at her bare skin she saw the collection of everything from before. For a moment she swore she saw her body dusted with grey sutt but all she saw was her bare skin with marks of what was done. There were small bruises and cuts at her ankles and legs.

_They’ll fade with time_.

But she knew not all things could. Dejectedly she looked over to her pouch that carried all her items. She thought of taking some tea, her mouth nearly watered for it but only so she could forget it all. It was only a handful of hours ago, it was still so fresh. But she looked away ultimately and looked for any distraction. She found it in a mirror.

Stepping close to the mirror she looked immediately to her shoulder. She was half expecting a burned hand imprint but as she looked. It was only the smoothness of her skin. 

_Dirtied skin, I’ll have to draw a bath before the bell is rung if I want dinner_.

Looking throughout her room for the stay she noticed the tub awaiting her in the corner. Knowing what had to be done, Rey dawned on the ruddy cloak and started her search for a well or watering spot.  
As she closed the door of her room, she began her way down stairs of the inn. Just as she was going to search for the older woman she had known before, Rey bumped into a younger woman. Colliding onto her nearly put the younger girl to the ground. 

“My apologies miss, I should've looked where I was going.” The skittish girl looked to the floor as she fumbled with her words. Rey felt for the girl and seeing as her subservient behavior made the assumption she must be apart of the inn’s help. 

“It’s quite alright; however, do you know how to draw the bath by any chance.”

The girl looked up at her and rey could now fully see her. The young girl had dark brown hair and small brown eyes. She looked the part of a doll and suddenly Rey felt some part of wrongness of asking a favor from such a small girl.

But the girl beamed of pride as she began to wave Rey to the entrance of the inn. Following the young girl, the young girl began to rattle on about her duties here in the inn.

“I sometimes dust the rooms, carry the dirty dishes to the kitchen, and even sometimes I get to ring the bell for supper.” the young girl had so much pride and joy in her voice, it was an endearing thing to hear so Rey couldn’t help but to chuckle at the girls unveiled happiness. 

“You seem to running this place all by yourself then, aren’t you.” Rey added on playfully to the little girl, the girl seemed so entertained by the notion Rey had just brought up. That she began another little tangent of her own.

“Well you have no idea, how much what you said is true!” The girl said exasperated. Rey was entertained by the small girl's antics. They continued a banter like that for a small while until they reached a well near the stables as they passed it rey heard a familiar voice. 

_I imagine you coming back to greet me with a clean face and freshly cut carrots. What happened_.

Rey shook her head at BB, looking around she saw that just behind her was the stables and another peer in she could see BB tossing their mane in a upset manner.

_I’m working on the first, patience is a virtue, don’t you know_.

Once she looked to the girl again, the expression of the girl's face was no longer one of joy but one of bewilderment. In attempt to jostle the girl into current standings rey said to her, “Is there something amiss little miss innkeeper.”

The girl broke from her fixation and smiled a little at that, suddenly the girl before her turned back to the skittish behavior she had initially. But the observation for the little girl that rey had was broken by the little girl’s timid voice. “Well no technically but today isn’t collection day but the fire is being burnt in the square, I mean just look at the sm-” 

The girl stopped mid sentence as she pointed to the red rising smoke. In all her years Rey never remembered such a thing called collection day nonetheless rising smoke. 

“I’m a wandering foreigner so I’m not familiar with many customs, what is this collection day you speak of innkeeper?” Rey hoped that she could fool the small girl into believing her lie. The girl looked at her deliberately for a short second before speaking once more.

“Stormknights comes to collect from the establishments and such, inquires for the taxes as well. But the last collection day happened about 5 days ago. They never come out of their cycle.” The girl looked troubled by the new inquiry but Rey felt very much the same. 

Rey in all her living here in Jaque never once heard of such a thing or seen the red rising smoke. She thought hard on it and could not think of any reason why she would forget such a thing. 

“How long has this day been in commission in this town of yours,” Rey questioned with worry. The small girl broke her eye contact with rey and looked to the rising smoke again as she answered back.

“Since the first days of the First Order reign i’ve been told but don’t you worry too much foreigner, it is the business of the village council of their coming here.” Rey knew the small girl was also trying to convince herself. In order to distract herself and the small girl she responded back with hopefully a distraction. 

“You’re very observant for such a little innkeeper, does the innkeeper have a name by chance or is it just miss innkeeper,” Rey said with half a smile on her face. The corners of the girls lips quirked up at that and for at least then both of them seemed less troubled by the discovery.

“My name is Lily like the flower,” the innkeeper explained. “Lily why that’s a pretty name, thank you for all your help.” Rey responded back to her. The girl smiled shyly at that and began to show her the ways to pull the bucket, once they were pulled. Lily further explained some small details to rey about the bath. 

“Always take two buckets at least just for washing anything less and it’s just a wash in the rain really.” Rey laughed at that and continued to get herself ready for the eventual carrying of them. As she was going to walk with both buckets besides the girl broke the small content silence they shared for a short while. 

“What’s your name foreigner or is it just miss foreigner?” The small girl giggled out. Rey was quiet for a second thinking over her answer. Cinderella would have her figured out due to the lady’s influence and ella was dead. 

“My name is Rey, the other foreigners call me miss foreigner though.” She laughed it off. The small girl shared a giggle and said a quick goodbye to her as she attempted to run away but Rey yelled to Lily. “Should you be wandering in the dark like this lily, should I walk besides you.” 

The small skittish girl was no more in the new darkness of the sky as she yelled back. “Scared are you foreigner, no worries rey. I don’t fear the dark and neither should you!” With that the small girl vanished into the darkness.

Rey shook her head at the strange little contradiction that lily was and began to move towards the entrance in the inn. Rey let the lightness of the conversation carry her to her room but as she passed by the stables she felt herself come at a stop. Looking back she saw BB.

Rey thought of BB and his journey to where they are now. With that thought rey found herself in front of BB and setting down a bucket of water. BB cocked their mane to side in a quizzical look. 

_What’s this_?

Rey turned her head to the side and gave BB a small smile.

_My apology for not having the carrots_.

With that she walks away but still the underlying thought kept swimming on in her mind as she walked her way to her room. The thoughts battled each other on and on. Rey not once had ever remembered such a happening in all her time here. It could've been just something Rey happened to miss or even maybe a forgotten memory she never stored away for future questions.   
Yet regardless to all thinking none satisfied her but as much as she wanted to implore on it, she found herself in front of her door. So for a moment she let the questioning in her head cease and she opened the door and let herself in.

It was cold in her room and she could feel the breeze pulse through the room with the rustle of the curtains and the chillness of her skin. 

“Perhaps a bath wasn’t a great idea,” but rey knew she had to take one if only to not seem to suspicious with dirtied hair and dry muddy skin. So she drew the small bath and began to scrub herself as best as she could. 

As rey scrubbed her skin she began to see even more blooming bruises coming to surface and she couldn’t stop herself from touching them and feeling the subdued pain pulling through them. But even she grew past that pulled herself from it and took herself out of her bath.

_Or a falling of rain_.

She smiled at that but as she looked to find a towel to dry herself off she caught a glint of something shiny from the corner of her eye. Looking back to that she saw something glinted in the sack she grasped from the house of the Lady’s. Moving towards it she knew she shouldn’t be frightened of the glint.

_It is only jewelry, you worry for nothing you silly girl_.

But as she peered through her wet lashes she saw that it wasn’t a piece of jewelry. It was a glass vial, it was the Lady’s tea. The glass reflected so vividly and for some small reason it made rey a little afraid. But rey knew that it was just glass and tea, it could no longer control her.

_I choose to do with it as I please_.

The thought gave her some small satisfaction. So she put the glass down back in the bag from before. Just as she did that she heard a faint ringing coming from the hallway. Without missing a beat rey began to pull her cloak on began her descent down the stairs. Even she could not argue her stomach out of food. 

Once she had finally she reached the bottom of the stairs, she followed the whiffing scent of food that folded into the rooms all around it. But eventually it was her nose that brought her to the inn’s dining hall. Rey didn’t know what she was expecting once she arrived to the dining hall but it certainly wasn’t what was before her. 

All around the room there was noise full of laughter and dare she say it sloppy eating. But it was no place of discourse. Only merry people going about their business. She chuckled at the ruckus but it was her stomach that reminded her of why they were there. 

Moving along she went to the side of the room where a near revolving door was with the kitchen boys coming in and out to serve food. After that everything went as smoothly as it could. A young lad robed up for serving came and asked her what she’d like the kitchen to cook up for her and she gave an answer. At this point Rey just waited at an empty table and kept her eyes shifting from place to place to not cause a stir with anyone there. 

It was strange how different it was here in the dining hall. With all the joyful noise and comradery shown on the people’s faces and voices. It was foreign to her and she both loved it and envied it. 

_This place was here the whole time, in the small village of Jaque. The place she calls her_..

But she stops on that thought. That damned house, this inn, and this village was never going to be home again. In some sad way she knew it was never that even in the first place. Caught in her melancholy she had temporarily lost sense of hearing as she saw a plate being placed in front of her face. Looking up quickly to peep out an apology for her absence mind. She saw the laughing face of a serving boy. He shook his head and muttered the apology away with a smile.

Looking down at her plate and looking around with all the happy smiles. For a second she wished it could be home. How she so desperately wanted it to be in that second of wonder. But the aroma of food met her nose and she was overcome with her hidden hunger from hours previous. 

Rey bit into her food and felt the warmness of the food seep into blood. She felt more awake with each bite as she quenched down her thirst with a cup of water. She knew she was eating rather sloppily but she could not bring herself to care. After a couple of more bites rey felt the fullness of her belly and felt content.

_I ate like a wild horse, I ought to have more self control_.

Joking to herself she laughed at that thought but it reminded her of why there was still some food left on her plate. Gathering up all the steamed carrots she could, she set out to find BB. The farther she drifted away from the dining hall, the more cold and quiet it seemed to get.

This is the village she remembered. Rey knew she had not been away long from jaque, it was only truly a night. But the palace changed everything, the night ruined her. She nearly felt comfortable in the darkness but that slight feeling vanished as he skin felt the breeze of the outdoors. Moving as quickly as possible rey tracked her way to the stables. With one hand tracing the walls of the inn to find the stables and the other trying to keep the steamed carrots warm. But soon enough she heard the small shuffles of hooves and heaving of horses. Without thinking rey called to BB.

_BB where are you, I brought you some food. I’m near the edge of the stable if you can’t see in the darkness_.

With that she heard the shuffling come closer and knew it to be BB. Only a few moments later she felt the breath on her hand that was put up at the edge of the stable. Holding out her hand with the steam carrots, she could not see but she felt the nibbles of BB eating from her palm. After her hand was cleaned nearly she said out loud.

“Are you still hungry? I’ll get you some more from the dining hall if so-” But she was cut off by the sound of a voice calling out. “Is there someone out here?” The voice was deep and if rey could gage it well enough, she could’ve sworn the voice sounded afraid. But rey knew it’d be suspicious to hide in the dark and not to speak out so she replied, “I am, no worries here i’m just feeding my horse.” 

Rey thought that’d be the last of it but just as she thought that she heard a shuffling coming near her and they were not hooves. But as she was going to call a warning to the approaching figure. A torch was lit in front of her eyes. The light glowed in the seeming darkness but as she looked up she saw a man before her not a scared boy. 

He had deep skin that resembled the roots of a tree, his eyes were near black and it flickered with the light glowing near them. But she was interrupted once again but this time in her thoughts. It was a flurry but she caught most of it.

_This man has my friends jacket, poe’s. Poe would have never given that jacket to anyone. It’s a resistance jacket, it’s special to him. This man he did something to poe, My Poe_.

BB got unruly and began to bash the stables down with his hooves. In his neighs, rey heard pain. She was no longer sad, she was angry. “How did you get that jacket?” But the stranger said nothing in return to her question.

_There is too much pain given to those undeserving of it_.

Looking towards the man once more she saw how he casted worried glances to the horse. Rey looked side to side quickly and saw a broke hoe with the metal no longer intact on it. Moving and grasping it as quick as she could, she grabbed it and held it to the stranger's throat. But just as she quickly placed it there, just as quick the stranger was to pull it away from him and begun to run. 

Rey ran towards him in pursuit and as she looked back to see if BB was okay. She was astonished to see that BB had jumped the stable and was running to come along with her. With that she focused her eyes to the stranger running in front of her. They ran for a small second until they found themselves in front of the inn. Knowing that the stranger could run into a house of help she did what she could. Grasping the wooden rod she catapulted herself from it and let her leg kick him down to his front. Once she was on top of him, she desperately flipped him over to see the man clearing under the light of the street lights.

“I’ll ask again, how did you get the jacket.” Rey said between her teeth clenched. But as she said this she saw looking down that the stranger was looking to the side, his hand cupping his ear. Just as she was going to ask about what the bloody hell he think he was doing. That’s when the stranger finally spoke up.

“You have to get off me, they’re coming for me!” His voice was panicked as he yelled this to her. Meeting his eyes once again for a split second before he followed his eyes somewhere else, she saw the fear in them and she felt her heart falter at that. It was so human to be afraid, she loosened herself from the intense anger she had before. But she knew not to be fooled.

“Who is coming for you, stranger. Who!” The stranger finally kept his eyes steady as he looked up to her as he responded to her question. “Storm knights, I hear them coming. There must be more than 20 of them. With that size it’s very likely a search fleet sent out. No could you so kindly get off of me!” Rey flew up at that and felt her air leaving her lungs in seconds. She knew there was something off about that smoke and as she looked towards BB, she could tell that BB knew there was something wrong too.

_We need to run, if stormknights are coming then this town is going to get terrorized_.

Rey looked back and forth from the stranger and BB. She saw both fear and anger in both of their faces. Rey spoke to BB again.

_But he has Poe’s jacket, we can demand he tells us where your friend is_.  
BB did not answer but only shook his head from side to side. But rey knew it’s meaning. “I’ll tell the stormknights that you were here and i’ll tell them exactly how you look. Now I’ll repeat only once more, How’d you get that jacket.”

The stranger looked to an empty area near the entrance of the town. But by the time passing rey heard the collected hooves too. She knew he wasn’t lying. Yet the voice of the stranger spoke out again to the both of them. “I’ll make you a deal, if you give me safe passage with you and your horse, i’ll not only tell you where I got the jacket but I also can guide us through the forest as well.”

_Should we leave him BB_.

Rey saw how BB looked intensely towards the stranger. Just as she was going to correct her proposition, BB spoke to her in a soft hurt voice.

_He knows where my poe is, we take him_. 

Rey nodded her head towards that request and turned to the stranger solemnly. “Is it deal?” The stranger spoke out to her. Rey looked behind him and saw the figures of the stormknights approaching in the shadows. “It is a deal. Let us go, hurry before they see us.”

Finn sprinted towards the horse and jumped to it’s back. Rey followed suit and with that they began to ride. 

Rey saw the light of the streets behind them dim as they rode away from the village of jaque. She could hear BB words echo in her mind about the stormknights over and over.

_We need to run, if stormknights are coming then this town is going to get terrorized_.

Rey’s hearts ached as she thought of the village that she saw grow with her being pillaged and terrorized. But it was the tragic reminder of the first thing BB had said.

_We need to run. But the jolly people in the dining hall can’t run, lily can’t run, and neither can the bakery boy from all those years ago couldn’t either_.

Rey demanded herself not to look back. She feared she’d run back and choose to turn to ruin with the village. But as time passed and the light was totally gone from sight she looked back yet she felt a slight breeze at her shoulder and as she looked forward. Rey noticed that the stranger to was peeking what was behind them now. 

She let out a tear at that for there was something so human on looking back. All this she thought while they rode quickly away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m really sorry for the tardiness of this chapter update. I couldn’t find a way to end it well so I honestly just kept writing until I found one. Luckily I found it but I want to lightly explain that while i’m slightly paralleling the star wars trilogy; however, I’m writing these characters in different lights and situations. I want Finn and rey’s meeting to be less comical and more serious since it fits with this story line. Sorry if it’s less climactic but there has to be some balance. I appreciate the comments and criticisms. Thank you for reading!


	17. Trust is a blade that has cut us by our glances and it bleeds us by our stares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Had we stopped running maybe then we could unblur each others faces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics serve as communication, thoughts, and memories when it serves in context.

The night was dark as it always was but for once the darkness was welcomed. It shielded them from the stormknights and it shielded them from each other. Time passed on from the leaving of jaque. Rey had not spoken one word to the stranger nor BB. None of them spoke to each other at all. They were all too concerned in their own escape, in their own fears. But rey was not afraid of the stormknights, she was afraid of the memories left in the village. But she had left it back there.

_She would leave everything back there_.

The thought seeped into her like water seems to the forest floor. It was slow but she knew it all the same that she couldn’t. She wanted to cry but her eyes were dry and empty. Her heart could not offer her that weakness. Not here in front of people she barely knew but the darkness protected her and for some reason she found some guilt in that. But it was not long until Rey felt wounded by opaque blackness of the night. She for a second smelled the scent of a garden, the black of the shadows looked like Drizella’s locks. But the tainted memories were faded away by the sound that lightly surrounded her against the wind.

It was a humming, it was a slow tune trapped in someone’s mouth. Rey knew it could not be BB so she knew it to be the stranger beyond further inspection. She knew for both of their comforts it’d be best if they stood quiet but rey was curious by nature and with all her life have been hidden away from truth. She sought it most in the small trivial things. This moment was the stranger’s tune, she asked.

“The melody you hum, what is it?”

The stranger’s music fell silent. For a small moment rey nearly believed that perhaps the stranger did not hear her question but with a small exhale that she heard be given the stranger began to speak.

“I don’t know, just a song I suppose.” Rey had to admit the answer was anticlimactic but it was as honest that she could for from a stranger.

Rey nearly let the conversation die at that but she knew she couldn’t. This stranger was to be there guide. She would have to trust him at the very least. Questioning came into her mind, she would have to get to know this character riding with her.

“What is your name, stranger.” There was a slight pause but it was carried away with the his retort. 

“Stranger would do just fine, how about you?” Rey wanted to snort at that but she knew that she needed answer; however, she was in no mood to let this man get away with that.  
“Stranger? Will since i’m also a stranger how should be coordinate our conversation. Should there some kind of numbering system in place or?” She could feel the movement of the stranger before her shaking. She couldn’t tell if it was from laughter or anger. Either way he responded back to her.

“My name is Finn, stranger.” There was some pause before he said his name almost like he didn’t believe it. She wanted to question him further about the doubt in his voice but what difference would it make. If this man is a killer, saying his real name wouldn’t save me from his blade on my throat. So she settled on it and let the quiet pass them for some time. She watched the shadowed scenery before her. She got lost again in it. 

She wondered if she should be afraid of her new found fondness of the night’s cloak but she knew it to be true that the night was always her friend. All those night she tried to run away, it was the darkness that tried to hide her away from the lady. Yet it never covered her fully. It gave her transparency, they gowned her in a nightly lace. She had always felt cold out there.

Even know the darkness kept reminding her of the lady’s home. The branches reminded her of the lady’s nimble cold fingers. The wind swayed them and it looked like they were her beckoning hands. As they rode on the branches only, she felt, get taller. Rey felt a little girl again. Oh so small with clothes much too big for her. She felt suffocated by the bigness of her clothes like she was going to drown in it if she had not gotten out of it fast enough.

_I want the lace on my skin, I want it back_.

The heat of the clothes felt as if it blistered her skin, she knew she was imagining it. The illusion was taking hold of her and she had to find a way to stop it any way would work. Just then in her frantic state she tasted the taste of rotten pumpkins in her mouth. She felt sick for how it mouth watered for it and she was angered for how her eyes did the same.

“Finn where is my satchel, do you see it here anywhere! BB?” She said loudly to them both. She couldn’t tell their confusion, she couldn’t tell much as kicked her heels against BB’s hind legs. The ride came to a complete stop at that and Rey jumped off and landed on her knees and then to her side.

She couldn’t hear the concern of her newly made companions, she couldn’t hear anything for that moment. Everything was too loud all she hear was the wind bursting in her ears. It was almost a current with its fierceness that it shaved into her but like all water as she began to move on her feet. She felt it still. She heard the gusts of winds that bloomed in her ears. It was soft, the silence. Rey drifted into the darkness. Becoming it seemed to strong of a analogy. She was given safety by its cover. She nearly felt at peace like that. She didn’t feel finn’s hand grasp her shoulder.

With how fluid her motions were and how clear her mind was. Rey thought blankly that maybe she had taken the lady’s tea in the inn room and maybe this was all just a cruel dream. It gave her hope and that small indifferent she clarity she had a moment ago was punctured by that hope. 

Finally looking around she saw that she was only making the comparisons. The forest had no vendetta against her. It was her that compared it to them. The brown roots underneath could be the same color of drizella’s deep brown but it could be just what it is. Roots. Looking forward she saw a red light flicker in and out, even that could be anatasia blazing hair in the win-

“There’s a fire ahead. There’s people! Finn, BB, come along!” She yelled to them both before attempting to run. But this time she did feel finn’s hands on her shoulder. It held her in place for a second as she looked in question.

Finn stood there staring intently to the fire’s flicker. Just as she was going to speak finn butted in and said, “Before I ask what just actually happened back there with you. I’ll let you know that running towards open fire in the dead of night. In the middle of the forest, is definitely a trap.”

Rey knew his logic was sound but it was some embedded humanity in her that stirred her to respond. “Have you no faith in people?” 

“No.” There was no silence that followed that question this time. It was sure and it was sad at the same time. Rey shook her head at that. “Well I do.” With that she walked towards the light. She could hear finn’s whispered warnings but she walked anyways. He followed because he knew she and the horse to him was a packaged deal. So both BB and Finn followed rey to the light.

“You know this is madness, we’ll all be dead because you want to play the part of a moth!” Rey snorted at that statement but it did not waiver her feet as she placed it in front of the other. That very foot that pulled a small string to come undone. 

After that, as much as it hurt rey’s pride to say, was actual madness. It had happened all too fast for Rey to recollect by memory but by the time she had her wits together, she and her companions had found themselves in a giant net that held them up by a tree branch.

Rey kept her eyes close. Not in fear but only to avoid the expected glare of finn; however, it was the sound of hooves that caused her to open her eyes. Looking around she noticed that she could not see BB.

_Must’ve escaped_.

Yet just as she thought this her answer was given.

_From the net yes, from you no, you silly girl. Stay quiet I’ll watch from afar might even cause a disturbance of some kind_.

Rey was just going to think back to respond but she had ignored the different shuffling of feet. Just then a burning light illuminated the face of an older smirking man and from what she can tell another older and rather hairy man be it at that looking up at them.

“Looky what we got here chewie.”

* * *

Finn wished he wasn’t as angry as he was for being trapped in this for the lack of better words, a poor option of a trap. He knew he should be fearful but he couldn’t help but glare at the woman mushed up besides him for being the exact and he meant the exact reason they are in this predicament. 

“I’ll be waiting for my apology, stranger.” Finn knew he was acting childish in a very serious situation but apparently his attitude towards this was also reflected in the woman next to him. She retorted back sarcastically, “That’s miss stranger to you, Fann was it again.” He nearly scoffed at that but the voice of a man broke through the short silence between him and the stranger.

“Looky what we got here chewie.”

Looking down Finn saw two men peering up at their assumed captures with the torch lighting up their faces. He didn’t recognize either of the faces and he was relieved at that reveal. For at least then they could not recognize who he is.

_Was_.

The man got closer to them both and held the torch higher. Likely with the intention to see them more clearly or maybe to set us and this damned trap on fire. “Now that apology could be now or after we’re a pile of bones somewhere, Miss Stranger.” The woman besides him face washed away of all fear and the only expression left was contempt. Without missing a single beat she replied loudly. 

“Interesting that this is the point that you ask for an apology, in the face of actual danger. Magnificent choice of timing, Fann.”

Finn could tell that she wanted to berate him some more but she was cut off at a pause by the man holding the flame towards them. “Now, now, now although my name should be danger it is not the name my old mother blessed me with. Now if you two are done bickering like children, My friend and I would like to know your business here near our fire.”

“We had no business here due to your presence if that’s what you’re implying. We saw fire and had expected much more courteous of a bunch rather than a trap.” The lady said sternly with conviction. He was nearly impressed with her demeanor; however, the topic of the trap coming back up caused an annoyance to stir up in Finn’s throat. It bubbled up in a mutter saying, “A poor trap at that.” 

Suddenly the expanse of the light was closing up on his feet but it was no longer the older man with graying hair holding the torch but the hairiest man he’d have ever seen holding it instead. The hair man let out a peculiar growl but the message was rather clear. Clearly he had said the absolute wrong thing. 

“You angered chewie, he made that trap but actually hey chewie!” The older man yelled to get the attention of his hairy companion. Chewie looked away for a moment to look at the older man in question. 

“This is a poor trap chewie. We both know you slacked on this one.” He smirked at his hairy friend. But Finn had about enough of this talk they were talking about. Every passing moment the First Order could be leading a search maybe not for him but for the resistance. To waste time is too dangerous of a venture and looking besides he could tell by the stranger perception that she too knew this. 

But before he could speak up again the stranger spoke before him. “If you had wished to kill us and rob us you would’ve done so already. So either you are toying with us or you are looking for information. We are both not toys nor information. You let out my friend and I now or else you’ll be finding yourself in deep troubles captors.”

Now finn was fully impressed by the stranger beside him strangely enough called him friend. Finn knew it could be tatic still. If they look united and not divided they appear more of a threat. But yet it warmed his heart in a way. It was something he did not want to think about; however, so he added on to the statement which unfortunately was again the wrong thing to say. 

“We are not apart of the First Order nor the Resistance. Wi-” but finn stopped mid sentence to notice their behaviors. It was not obvious on the greying man but the hairy man had paused at the mention of the resistance. He knew a pause could mean a million different things but Finn saw a weakening blink that the hair man did. 

_He is apart of it or a deserter_.

The hairy man rushed towards him without his noticing as he was distracted with his own thoughts. He was finally free from the trap as he fell. The hairy man mauled at the rope but he was under a different type of trap and this one finn feared he could not outsmart himself out of as the hairy man caged him under his body. But just as he thought his neck was going to be resembling the ropes that bound them before he heard the girl’s voice scream into the night. 

“Get off of him, he’s telling the truth we’re just scavengers. Let him go!” But with that last plea she must’ve hurdled at chewie and tossed him over because suddenly he could slightly breath and to his right. He saw the stranger he would have to call his savior at this point, tossing and turning with chewie.  
The older man was just standing there smirking at it all as if it was an absurd play and it was all just for him. Finn knew his type back in palace. Guys like him are cocky, arrogant, and got themselves killed for their mouth. But Finn was wary of the man before him. The man had greying hair and aged experienced skin. He outlived his mouth, there was something to him. But the thought was interrupted by the older man finally finding his ability to speak.

“Chewie pick on someone your own size or don’t seeing as a girl is kicking your ass.” Looking back at the stranger and chewie he saw both of them dusting the foliage and dust from the bodies. Both having stern looks as they glared openly at each other. Chewie growled again and the older man smirked and shook his head and said, “My friend here said that your gir-” Yet again the older man was silenced by the girl’s voice speaking out again. 

“He said I have a mean left hook and I do if you’re wondering old man if you call me his girl again. I am my own.” Finn had expected maybe anger from the smirking aged man but when he looked back at him he saw an entirely different expression altogether. His face was easy to analyze, his jaw was unhinged with a slightly open meaning he was surprised and his forehead was creased as were his eyebrows showing he was in thought or even in some confusion. But Finn was stumped at his eyes. They were a hazel color from what he can see by the dying light of the torch. But the emotion in them had finn paused. His eyes had wonderment in them, confusion, shock is a possibility, but mostly they seemed sad. Rey looked at the man heaving for her own breath and suddenly Finn felt as if he was intruding on something personal. But The stranger didn’t know this man but it seemed as if maybe the smirking man knew her. Finn hated to admit it but he was curious too at this point. 

So he spoke up and for once he felt nearly all of their eyes on him as he said, “You look at her as if you know her. Do you?” The smirking man had no smirk on his face and his lips were instead sealed shut. Silence was present then between them all but just as he was going to ask the question again the greying man spoke in a tone that finally matched his age. 

“I don’t know her at all but she reminded me of someone I knew long ago. It took me back for a moment.” The girl looked curious about that statement but his curiosity had gone way to thin. He had no patience for blind trust. It’s what could get you killed.

_I’d be damned if I die now that I’m free_.

“Miss stranger what is your name,dammit all what is all of your names. It’s time we know who is standing among us.” The old man’s smirk was back and surprisingly enough it wasn’t a smirk full of cockiness. But a prideful one and he felt it directed at himself. The old man chose to speak then, “My name is Han Solo over there my hairy friend is chewie.” 

Finn had heard of that name long ago when he was taught in the schooling that was briefly given to the training stormknights. Han solo from what he could remember was a famous smuggler who had assisted in the destroying the destroyer fleet of the empire, the death star fleet. This man had outlived the empire, this man helped destroy it and looking to see his companion’s reaction she could tell she knew of his name. There was admiration in her eyes. There was hope.

He had to look away but he swept his stare towards her once more as she said out to them. “My name is Rey.” Finn had to admit it was a peculiar name but he knew his name was just as peculiar. But as he waited for her to finished she again spoke out, “It’s just Rey, it’s all I know.” So know that he knew all the names standing besides him, he did feel slightly more secure but finn was no fool.

_A name will not save you from a blade_.

“Well since we know each other's names and their occupations with the first order and the-” Finn butted into the smirking man’s sentence and quickly made a decision there to rewrite something in all their minds. He was going to lie but a liar is better protected than one that speaks the truth. “Earlier I lied to you all, I’m with the resistance. The rebellion is my cause and If you have anything against that we can deal that with swords.” Finn gave his best stance at his sword wielding with as much as conviction. He only hoped that his observations about their favoring the resistance would help them both. That realization nearly made him pause as he considered the fact that he was concerned of the welfare of the girl. 

_Rey her name is rey_. He reminded himself.

Han rolled his eyes and exhaled loudly for all of them to hear. Chewie additionally growled out something that finn could not decipher. But just as he was going to ask, han interrupted saying, “I swear every time we think we’re out of that damn rebellion someone always has to get us involved again.” Chewie growled something out again and han again busted out saying, “Chewie we had agreed that under no circumstances would we get involved-” This time; however, chewie interrupted Han with a long growl that must’ve meant a sentence of some sort. 

Trying to find some way of getting those two out of their quarrel he looked around and met the eyes of rey. She had must’ve dusted off considerably as she only had a couple of smudges here and there but with the two men arguing and not posing any threat. She took the time to put her hair three buns decorating her top of her crown hair to her neck in a line. Just as he was going to gesture to her to come near him so he could whisper a plan the arguing stopped abruptly. Following their line of sight of the two men, finn noticed they were staring intently at rey. Rey noticed and stared at them with confusion coloring her expression. 

“I swear the force is taunting me at this point, she even wears buns.” Han said exasperated throwing his hands to smooth out his graying hair. But as he took a moment to walk around and circle around them all, han had seemed to come up with some resolution. 

“Look it’s been a long night and we’re on the run and with Chewie’s and I’s luck I’m guessing you two are on the run too?” Han said it with a slight hope finn could hear that he had hoped they’d say no. But they both nodded at his question. But not soon after rey corrected him by saying, “Actually the three of us. BB is on the outskirts probably watching us so no there’s three of us on the run.” 

After that Han took being quite expressive with his vocabulary. Albeit the words were colorful alone as well. But soon the grey man that called himself Han solo got a grip on the situation on his hands and came to a halt with his presumed tantrum. Going away from his anger and frustration, Han recollected himself and gave directions. “Alright seeing as you sound makers are going to be difficult, i’d say you should make camp with Chewie and I. At least you won’t attract any unwanted attention that could lead someone to us.” Without thinking Finn looked to rey for confirmation. It was a sign of trust and that act confused him.

_I just met this strange girl, how do I trust her already_?

But Finn knew why. He didn’t know if it was the way she seemed so bold yet so lost there in the forest or if it was because she fought for him and called him friend. It warmed his heart but he couldn’t afford that warmth. She was only a means to an end through her horse. At least that’s what he told himself as rey and he followed the footsteps of han solo and chewie. It was nearly dark as they tracked behind as Chewie held the dying light of the torch. 

He felt the breeze quicken as he heard rey’s steps jog right past him. Finn tried to reach out to her and grab her back near him where at least he knew his intention with her meant her no harm. But he was not quick enough but oddly enough she rested a hand to the crook of the elbow of Chewie. Chewie looked startled at her action as well but just as he heard a growl begin to form from his throat, rey muttered something that finn could not clearly hear.

Suddenly rey grasped the torch away from Chewie with a swift soft motion of her hand. He nearly found it transfixing the way she took it away but it was a different all together that had him at a lost of words for as rey grasped the torch it looked as if the light of it was burning again with its brightening light. The flames seem to lick the edges of the flickering light and bring them a glow again. The flame peaked higher than before in rey’s hand. But the unsettling part was how when rey looked back at him with a slight smile, the fire flicked on her face between a red light and soft yellow. But the darkness of the night surrounded contrasted so deeply that she looked of a thing of terror, a thing of beauty. Finn had seen that fire colored reflection on a different face long ago. So he looked away from the light of rey and looked the towards the darkness, all the while muttering to himself the words he knew from constant saying.

“They cannot find me here, the darkness will protect me. The light will fade but I will not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm building some characters and introducing other so i'm sorry if this chapter felt more than a filler but not everything can be action at every turn. But thank you guys for reading, the last line will be explained as we delve in the past of Finn or as rey taunts "Fann's". Don't worry I haven't forgotten about other characters but only so much could be in a much chapter. Until next time, Happy reading!


	18. With waking eyes, we left our dreamy hopes to sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To lie down and see so clearly than to stand and be so blind. But both left our knees to quiver

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> italics are inner thoughts per usual you know the drill

The breeze swept in from the balcony, the curtains wisped up at its edges as it traveled into the room. Kylo watched as the fabric ebbed and flowed with itself. He needed distraction, He needed space from the lack of progress they had made. He scolded himself in not taking the leisure time to practice his saber work but he could not bring himself to be disciplined. This from what it felt like seem to be the first time he found his mind at a blank. His training with the king had always taught him to hone his aggression and make power with it. Aggression was something he had plenty of.

Frustrated it was to not get angry then, he needed it most now. Blankness correlated too much tranquility. As a knight of Ren, it was an emotion he tried to abolish. But like most things, he could not erase everything although he desperately believed that he could and had. The blankness of his mind angered him as he tightened his hands. The black fabric of his gloves twisting together tightly. He stood at the doorway just watching the wind trickle in. Standing there he decided to act on at least the physical level to relieve his mind. He stalked to the opening of his balcony. He had no patience nor like to look at the intricate making of his balcony. With its carved marble and silver detailing. He never saw the fancy with shiny things. The beauty of things diminished as would a shine would dim. But as of late he knew his reasoning was flawed.

It wasn’t that she was shiny because as much as the moon glinted off her glass slippers. It was something about her that had him at pause when he caught her in the shadows of the garden. In truth he knew it was the force that had him frozen in place. It was taunting him with her. Her light shone on her silhouette not her face and in that moment he cared for the light surrounding her that allowed her to be seen. He was insulted by his own weakness. To a girl in the garden with glass slippers is who he lost his evergoing momentum. With her presence she gave him a blank mind and longing stare. He felt sick just thinking of it. 

The only way he made himself well again was the thought of having her for the darkness, for the First Order. Shiny things belonged to the light but slippers could be broken and it was the darkness she wore on her face. But as much as he thought that to himself. An ever hating thought came creeping into his psyche.

_She belongs not to the darkness nor the light. She belongs to the force_.

The wind blew onto his cape that surrounded him. He knew that most thought of himself powerful with his way of dress. But he enjoyed the ambiguity that his cloak and colors provided. But as much as he wanted to get away from his own thoughts concerning him he was comforted that at least then he was not left to his own blackness.  
But a distraction took form as he heard a knock resound from the wood of the door. Peering one last time to the fullness of the forest he began his small trek to the door. 

“What progress do you bring,” he questioned shortly. 

There was a small pause and Kylo was beginning to lose his patience. He did have such little patience.   
Without further explanation from the person behind the door, Kylo stopped his footing and raised his hand and began to delve into the man’s mind. It was always the most constant emotion from the person that he felt first. He felt the fear raise the hairs on his neck and felt his hands tighten and his temples began to moisture. The man behind the door was afraid. He was always so afraid. 

Kylo could work with fear. He pushed past the emotion and looked through his memories. They were small and seemingless. Training and a bit of camaraderie in between. Kylo took note of that for his generals and higher ranking knights. The only loyalty his knight should be to the first order. Even his own loyalties had to lie there. 

But after looking through the small notion of his memories he reached the news. A smirk arose on his lips as they curled upwards. Letting his hand fall to his side. He could hear the stormknight finally take in a needed breath. The knight’s breaths were short and heavy. Kylo was sure he was still afraid and when Kylo heard the knight running off. He knew he would tell all his comrades of their interaction. His fear will instill in others. Let that be that stormknights use to the First Order. 

But as he returned back to the news that he acquired for himself, his distraction was a victorious one. The girl was spotted in the small village of jaque along with a man that was described as FN-2187. They had traveled with a horse as well. So they could easily be in any direction but did not calm the racing mind of Kylo. He knew that any stormknight of the First Order was branded when they were captured. It would only take a couple of scrolls to release information on the runaways. 

He knew the pull the First Order had some of it’s pull in the Republic’s area of their kingdom. But it is no matter. The republic's reign would be coming to an end. They’re people are already afraid. Kylo liked to think that they were hardly a kingdom at all. The resistance assisted them as does the republic to them. It was easy enough to defeat them in theory. We destroy the resistance we then destroy the armor of the republic. 

However that would come with time but Kylo heard whispers from snoke. The end is nearing and so will in fact any who oppose the order of the first order. Kylo let his strategies at rest for the reign of the first order for now. The girl was what he would occupy his time with. He felt through the force again in hopes of finding her. He had to go only so little, he knew the consequence he had by continuing the dance with her in the gardens. They were force bonded. He always thought of it as a myth even before all of this. But he payed no mind to who he was before. That boy was dead. He made a survivor out of a prince instead. 

He felt her then through the force. She was so serene, that feeling she had not felt very much before when he reached for her. But as he recollected on her serenity, he realized that meant one thing. She was asleep. Kylo knew he had duties to perform like give instruction for the distribution of the scrolls. Further a search fleet. Count the losses of jaque and how to profit from what is left. But he felt tired all of a sudden but he knew the suddenness could not be unexpected. All during the morning he had read upon the archives of force bonded and he knew that being aware of the other’s state sometimes impaired and influenced the one looking through the connection. Just as he knew it rare and that it took years to create such a connection. As kylo looked to the night that was staring at him from his balcony he knew the force was telling him something. 

_She is equal to me, there is no other more suited for my chair besides me_.

Yet he ignored the ever gnawing thought that he knew she did not belong to him as he would never belong to her. He belongs to the first order as she belongs to the force. But with enough of his training and constructing her force, he thought he could change that. Looking away from the balcony with tired eyes. Kylo went to his bedside where he had a long cylinder casing show his mentor through the force. Snoke may have trained him but it was his grandfather who spoke to him without words. 

_It is for you grandfather, give me strength. Send it through the force_.

With that Kylo took to his bed and lied down his black cloak still surrounding him. He found it that when he was falling asleep and even in his dreams is where he felt her most and as his eyelids fluttered shut. Kylo felt another emotion trickle into him by their bond. As he fell into sleep so did his chest too. It got cold and he nearly felt hollowed by the coldness and he felt his eyes tightened as they shut. His jaw clenched together and a sinking feel fell throughout his body. 

Even so as Kylo was fully asleep he could not notice how the moisture that had gathered at the corners of his eyes weren’t entirely through her connection. As a tear slid down the planes of his cheekbones to his jaw. He fell asleep to an emotion he could not describe fully due to the lack of utilization but if he were awake. He would say it was grief but he was already to into the darkness to recognize then.

* * *

_Her feet and arms felt as if they were air. Her body felt heavy and light at the same time. The contradiction melding into her hair as it flowed and ebbed. As she went to touch her hand against the palm of her other, she felt nothing as they touched. Rey opened her eyes and that’s when she saw everything. All around her was a dark blue so rich and vivid, it nearly felt intrusive. She was in some large body of water she knew but she had no reason to care as she swam into the depths of the sapphire blueness of the water._

_Looking around she tried to see the creatures she knew that would live there. But to her surprise it was only her in the waters from what she can tell. Rey should’ve realized by her lack of need to breath in air that there was something amiss but she had never swam into anything before without a danger. The river did not exist here to her. She was not afraid, this water was still and that calmed her heart._

_Yet just as she was going to explore the waters and seek to see it’s shape and wonders. She heard a voice. She could not hear it clearly, it sounded muffled and as she looked around. She felt like she was no longer alone. But it could not be in the water. There could not be any sound under here but just as rey was going to dismiss the sound as just her nerves. She heard it again only this time she thought she could make out a word._

_“Where?” She thought to herself. But that realization made her aware that if the voice did not travel through the water then perhaps it traveled from the air beyond her above. But as she swam up she noticed the water getting a textured shades of blue as light shone from it. But it was the light that made her stop. It was not a glinting white that was speckled against the water’s surface but a glowing red that permeated through the blueness of her surroundings. That gave her pause but as she was closer to the air above she heard it then._

_It was a voice she had heard before, she could not mistake it. She wanted to swim back to depths of the water where the red tint could not find her but she did not want to be afraid. The light isn’t anything to be afraid of, she thought to herself._

_So she stroked through the water and once she could see the trueness of the red, she broke through the water. She breathed in the air as she shut her eyes for a moment. She expected the air to be fresh but instead she smelled a burnt scent edge at her nostrils. With that she opened her eyes and looked to see what was in front of her. She saw the openness of the water. But surrounding it was a dense forest that she had not seen before. But all that distracted from the burning light before her and it was not long until her eyes met with it. Looking forward she saw the light but more importantly she saw who held it._

_It was him. It was his voice from the garden and she could see the same silhouette burned out of the darkness. Rey could say what brought her to swim to the shore but only that she felt the heat grow on her wet skin as she grew closer to the man before her. As she finally reached the shore. She saw that she was wearing a white gown that held onto her like a second skin due to its wetness. Rey knew her state of dress was questionable in that she knew not where it came from but as she was put only feet away from the man._

_That is when she notice that the fire began to creep on his hand. She screamed for the man to run to the water but he could not hear her and as she spoke she the noticed that her voice was even muffled as well. Without thinking she ran to him and as she grew closer, the man recognized the fire blazing on his hand and dropped the torch to the ground. But even so his hand was ablaze and he himself cannot stop it then._

_As she grew closer she saw that his the strike of his nose and high planes of his cheeks. He was very much looked like a prince but as his eyes looked upon hers. Her breath disappeared into the cold night air. His eyes were a dark brown that nearly disappeared into a black but she saw some richness in them. His stare took root into her and for a spared moment she forgot everything around. She wasn’t afraid she thought to herself as she raised her hand to his._

_The man before her seemed reluctant as his forehead furrowed unto each other. But after looking back to her he seemed sure of himself. He rose his hand with her. Inch by inch, their hands grew closer and they couldn’t keep their eyes off each other. She felt at peace but his eyes shown a very different type of animal. His stare was that of a feral animal that stalks it’s prey. But it was no matter, things can be tamed. Things can be broken she thought to herself but she shook her head at that but just then their fingertips touched and suddenly all around erupted in unbearably hot steam. She could not see a thing except grey. Rey could not see any color anymore and she looked side to side to try to find the man from before._

_But all she could sense was his absence and for a moment she nearly let herself fall in a heap until she heard a voice to speak to her._

_Where are you, where are you, where_...

“Are you rey, you just fell asleep the moment we took our eyes off of you.” Finn’s voice brought her back to the reality. Rey got up in a quick motion looking side to side for him. But she knew it was only a dream. That’s all it was but even then she knew she was lying to herself but it was no matter as her companions looked to her in concern and confusion.

“I just didn’t get enough sleep before the run that’s all.” She said with a slight grog in her voice. The voice that jumped in following that was the voice of Han solo. “So who or what are you three precisely running from.” 

Rey thought of her potential multiple responses but she opted with the safest and secure option, “Nothing that can concern you i’m sure.” 

“You’d be correct kid.” 

Finn jumped in with a quick, “The first order.”

“Very nice group following with you.”

BB-8 even followed through with responding with his, “First Order degenerates.” 

“The horse has more sense than mo-” But han stopped mid sentence with the realization that BB could talk.

“You both have a droid animal with you and you did not think to I don’t know tell me!?” Chewie shook his head and slammed his hand against his head with a mumbled yell.

“Oh really chewie, here we go again. I don’t need a furball’s sass right now. We don’t want anything to do with the resistance. Our days are over.” 

Rey looked up at the legendary han solo at that. She had heard the stories through the other kids when she would venture into town for errands. She remembered how they oohed and ahhed at his existence. They called a hero but in front of her all she saw was an old angry man. 

“They called you a hero but I suppose it’s changed to a deserter now.”

Han looked back at her with a stony expression covering his aged face. From the corner of her eye she could see how chewie’s head hung low. He was ashamed but she sought that look in han’s face. She wanted to know her run mates. To know what they’re made of.

“Let me tell you something rey”. She saw how his glance inched at finn’s location as he continued on. -The resistance gives people hope it does and for some it’s all they have. But not me, I served those years ago not out of loyalty but something bigger than that and the resistance didn’t give me that. But they took from me something they can’t replace. Now tell me do you think I care what they call me?”

Rey shook her head and nearly avoided his eyes due to the stare he gave her but he wasn’t done. 

“I don’t belong to anything or to anyone. I belong to myself just like you do.”

Rey felt a twinge of guilt at that but she couldn’t let it deter her from her goal. 

“If I am to be your new running mate I would like to know what you’re made of. All of you.” She surveyed the new found people around and expected laughter and criticism but to her surprise she only saw some kind of defeat but the thought was disrupted by finn’s voice calling out in a deep voice.

“It doesn’t matter what we’re made of, don’t you understand? We’re all the same. With our sins and our flaws. The only thing that makes us different, you and I rey is that we’re broke in different ways. We all are so let’s stop talking about it and find a way out of here.” 

Finn got up at that and began to survey the darkened forest. Rey felt childish for saying such a thing but the feeling vanished quickly away as she felt the anger bubble up inside her. But just as she was going to stand up and rage at finn. They heard a crunch of foliage from behind chewie and Han. 

BB turned towards rey with a question in it’s eyes. 

_Run, we need to run_.

With that something peculiar happened there was a swell of noise of a hum that came from the corner where BB resided and as rey looked back she saw not the majestic look of horse that BB shown itself as but instead a large snake with dark grey coloring and beady orange eyes. 

But apparently Rey wasn’t the only one to notice as Finn exclaimed loudly, “What the actual hell happened to the horse. Rey nearly threw the old torch at the slithering creature but it was no matter as the snake slithered up to where Rey was and slid up her legs, to her torso, and then finally around her neck. 

_It is still me but we need to run but not in the forest but in the trees. Hurry we don’t have much ti-_.

That’s when finn’s face changed from the corner of her eye. He was doing that distorted look that he did back in jacque. 

“Finn what is it?” Rey said disrupting BB’s whispering to her. Finn rose his finger to his mouth in a shushing moment and all of them stood near the now dying fire in anticipation. 

“We need to run now. Someone’s coming and I can’t get the footing right but it’s a lot so we have to move.” Finn began to frantically look at which way would be the best course for the run but rey spoke out. “Up the trees. We all can’t outrun them but we can hide into the trees and fool them. 

With that rey and finn gave the other a head nod and began their ascent up the wiry trees. But Han and chewie stood there almost in waiting but rey had to think of herself for once as she climbed up the tree but the thought kept festering in her mind.

_It’s always you. Selfless and selfishness, what pity that you name them the same_.

Rey looked down once she was far enough in the green leaves of the tree and said, “Han, chewie give me your hand you can hide here hurry!” But Han shook his head and kept his gaze towards where the sound was coming from. 

“I can talk myself out of this one, I always have.” The smirk angered her ever so slightly. 

_This foolish man’s ego is going to cost him his life_. 

She felt BB’s scaley skin slide against her stomach saying to her,   
_Yes but it shouldn’t cost us our lives either but rey I feel as if I can trust you with something rather important_.

The hurdles of noise was inching closer and closer and all rey could fixate her eyes on were the smirk of han and readiness of the bow that chewie had in his arms. 

_Poe and I work for some important people in the resistance and we were at the ball of the The first Order as I expect you were as well_.

Rey looked towards the trees behind her and around her to meet the gaze of finn but no matter where she looked she could not find his eyes between the leaves. A sad thought entered her mind then about finn. Had he deserted her? Had he deserted the deal? 

She knew she could not concern herself with feelings in the moment but it was interrupted with the wisping tongue of BB.

_Poe and I had acquired something from the ball that night. It’s something that could change our worlds alike_.

She could hear it then, the hurdling of feet barreling there way. She thought it peculiar that they had no horses. But that thought vanished when she heard the whistling between the trees. A cold creeping came to her chest. She remembered a tale once about whistling in the trees. It was only a child’s story she repeated to herself. Only that. 

_The first order is monstrous. They destroy lives, they take the best of people and leave them to their worst places. There is no love in their hearts. Poe did what he had to do to get the map but we finally have it_.

The whistling got louder and she could have sworn she heard wooden bark being scraped. She nearly felt 10 years old again. Hiding in the thorny bushes that marked her shoulders.

_Luke skywalker to your people is a myth. A legend that the people held onto when the first order began their reign but rey they were wrong. He’s re-_.

BB could not be heard for a small moment because suddenly the whistling had stopped. Rey looked to her right and saw a shadow crouching on a tall branch. She saw the beady orange eyes. She was ten again and all those feeling rushed in with her mind telling herself i told you so, i told you so.

“Basitikns.”

_They’re real_.

Her thought wavered in her mind. Her mouth was left agape for a second and she didn’t know if she had spoken those words out loud but BB answered her back in a voice that she had not heard him speak in. His words were solemn yet a fierce tinge of hope clung to its edges. 

_They’re real. Luke is real. It all real_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a while since I last updated and my apologies! But hopefully you'll forgive me enough to have read this chapter and stay in touch for the next chapter. Also original characters will be introduced; however, it is only to set the concept of this world I've set the characters on. So no worries. Thanks always for reading and putting forth your input! Happy reading!


	19. In seeking the truth, we built ourselves a prison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Broken by survival, they hold tight to the areas in between

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics serves as memories and inner thoughts

“Now, now, now there’s no need to have your beady eye friends to romper around to frighten me. What brings you to my humble abode gentlemen?” Han was standing below her from her branch and rey was both amazed at his composure and readily afraid of the beasts around her. But away from that thought men emerged from nearly all corners of the trees.

_They’re surrounding them_. 

Her eyes searched for chewie as he stood with his bow and arrow. She could see his hands tensed up and how his eyes searched through all those around him and for just a second she thought she saw him throw a glance at her. It steadied her to think that at least they thought of her in this instance.

_I’m going to watch these men die below me_.

Her heart throbbed as the lead man, she suspected, walked towards han and chewie. She thought to make a run for it and maybe buy all of them time but she knew she could not. Had she not lived her life for the convenience and advancements of The lady and her daughters. Had she not sacrificed enough of herself let alone now with the chance with her life.

She made the decision then in her mind.

_You won’t be alone in that. We’d both carry the bloody memory_.

Rey looked to BB to whom surrounded her neck.

_You could kill me now if you wanted too, you know_.

Her eyes lead down as she saw how han tried to find himself out of the mess he had brought himself in. But as she tried to listen in again. BB’s voice filtered into her thoughts in such a sorrowful tone that her ached a tinge as spoke to her conscious.

_I’ve seen many men die. I have no taste for blood_.

“You know your debt here, han solo. You promised us at least triple of the coin that we lent you for the collection of the weapons.” A man pulling forward said to han.

The man was small in frame but with the sound of the soft whistles blurring into the noise all around she knew better than to look at this man with face value. She knew the look in the man’s eyes when he spoke to Han. They were not kind and not patient as well.

“Lads we all know better that I would never just skip out on a payment. I have a reputation to uphold, it’s how we met, remember.” Rey could hear the forced pleasantness in Han’s tone. The whistles were getting eerily softer as well all around.   
_The whistles are softer now_.

BB slithered around her arm to peer down to the company below them. Had she been in a better predicament she would have found the smoothness of BB’s scales a soothing caress. But as she thought that to herself she noticed the whistles were gone entirely. The silence disturbed her small thought of tranquility. The air was filled with uneasiness. But the uneasiness gave way to anger as the men yelled below her.

“Han we know you don’t have the coin and we know that above us there are two people in the trees. I’m assuming they can hear me and if they value their lives they will not move a muscle. My beady eyed friends have you surrounded Han. You can’t run this time.”

Rey’s muscles clenched at the man’s words. Without moving a fraction of her head, she let her eyes peer to her left and with that she nearly gave a terrible shriek. She saw the eyes glowing. The ominous bright orange eyes from before but it was only a hand's reach away from her this time. Her and this creature shared breathing space and she was slowly letting the thing take her breath away altogether. With the disability at the moment to breathe she felt her head get heavy and she did not know if it was her mind playing a trick on her. Whether or not she saw the creature open the sliver of it’s mouth and smile at her. 

But the thought was taken away as she heard han’s voice give into their conversation with spirit.

_This man is going to get us killed_.

“I’ve got more coin than you have a back bone if you think you can just come in here with your orange eyed friends to scare me. I’ll have you know that those two up there are trained assassins, that can take out your whole team here in a wink of an eye.”

Rey could feel the creature inspect- no not inspecting her but evaluating her. Trained assassins? Rey would scoff had this not been such a precarious situation they have found themselves in. She thought of finn in that moment. With he being apart of the first order’s knights. She would not be surprised if he could hold his own for him to find some time to slip away but her? She battled battles but none like this before. All she knew was the escape but with the beady eyed creature so close to her, she felt the escape of her breath far more predictable than the escape of her impending life.

“Assassins huh? Interesting, boys bring them down.” The man paused as the whistled grew louder with the demand. The whistles sounded questioning and hungry. “Bring them down alive, I’d like to see such grand assassins.” The man’s tone was mocking and never had rey wanted to slap a man in the face so much. 

She was no assassin but she’d be damned if this man thought mocking her would be a good idea. But the anger rey expressed was dulled by the suddenness of the scaly claws that griped her only to have her falling out of the tree. She fell with a thump and was put against the light of the torches. She craved the darkness to shield her from this man with no kindness in his eyes. It insulted her more to see the color in his eyes.

_His eyes are brown. Just simple brown. Not orange_.

The scaly claw pulled her up from the forest floor and from the corner of her eye she saw Finn being held as well and being brought to towards the man with the brown eyes. Once they had been both brought before the man she saw how the man was inspecting her. A near chill ran into her when she looked at the Basitikns and the man side by side.

_No orange eyes but she saw the cruelty in both of them. They’re both monsters_.

With both her and Finn put out in the open she realized that there was an emptiness where BB had resided on with her hand being his perch. 

She knew she could call to him in her thoughts but she thought better of it. BB was probably slithering around them. If she were to die here, let her not bring more blood to the hands of these beady eyed monsters. But within that same fragment of a thought she thought of the old man behind her and even though she knew him to be a cocky brute of a man. She did not wish for his death. 

_So many have died already_.

“So these are your prized assassins Han? From the looks of them they might’ve only brought you four seconds until i ended your miserable life old man.”

It seemed the man was going to elaborate more on his sureness of their death when he looked closely at her. Rey could feel those mud brown eyes sliding down her whole form. She had enough nerve to look him in the eye when he finally had the decency to look to her eyes. Rey could sense a pause in this movement this man was performing because in truth that’s all this man was. A performer. Never a man to wield the blade but always the man to bark the hit. 

Rey nearly was grateful for his pause. It was buying them more time and she utilized it by looking at the orange eyed creatures in front of her. They were tall and scaled up their whole body. They were lean in frame but the fear they impacted on anyone belong to their usage of their long sharpened claws and the jagged row of fangs that elongated their wide mouth. 

She had heard of these things long long ago. Rey was becoming to realize that The Lady was right and wrong. Fairytales did not exist she hated to be reminded that was in fact true but the monsters that belonged to those tales. She was so wrong about. They were real. In flesh or in scales in their case. They were lit by the open fire that the man held; however, as she was observing the creatures she could sense the pause the man had was ending. But she caught a glimpse of a surprising little thing the creatures had failed to mask.

As the man moved to circle her in his looking he was also moving the torch with him so he could venture on her form. It was small but she noticed the small wince the creatures had when the man got to close to them. But it wasn’t out of fear of him. No. It was the fire.

_Seems all creatures, even monsters are scared of fire as well_.

She heard BB in her thoughts then. She had to preserve her surprise at hearing BB’s voice by not looking all around but it seemed the man circling her was done with his assessments as he came to a stop in front of her. She nearly thought him craven again for the man’s eyes were dropping below her face once more until she realized the man was not staring at her chest but at her wounds where the necklace from the damned place was before. 

With a quickness the cruel man looked into her eyes once more. The brown was murky with no richness like Finn’s had. They didn’t even have the sharpness that the girls did as well. But as they matched each other in the long stare. Rey saw realization dawning on him like he was blind before and all of a sudden he could miraculously see. 

_If this is what the dawn looks like she rather it’d stay this cold night forever_. 

For his eyes seemed to recognize her although she had never met her and within in that moment she felt something dreadful to come. That feeling was affirmed when the damned man spoke before her. 

“Assassin? You no you look familiar or rather you sound familiar.” The man had a smirk as he spoke and thankfully he broke his eye contact with her to peer at Finn besides her. 

Besides her she heard speak to Finn to as his weasley voice broke through the tense silence. “And you, you look real familiar. You two look very much like a matching set but from where? It’s at the tip of my tongue?”

 

The surprise hit her when she realized the next voice that answered him was not of the cruel man before all of them but of Han’s.

“You’ve got a point or are we all going to stand here all day because I’m sure you know that your friends don’t like to be out in the open for to long. Right boys.”

Rey was both shocked and amused that despite being surrounded that Han could choose to jokingly taunt these monsters. It almost took away from the cruel man’s words until he spoke them out loud and suddenly the sounds of the forest seemed to wilt before his reveal.

“You stupid old man you have no idea what you just got into do you?” The man awaited Han’s answer but for once the man had nothing to say but if rey could look back she bargained Han’s face would've been painted with confusion. The lack of a cocky answer made the silence even louder. 

“This young seems to strike a amazing resemblance to a deserter of the first order. A knight to be exact. I mean the same dark skin, dark eyes, the same build as well, and I bet he would recognize his numbers too.” 

Rey finally had enough and broke hold of the scaley brute who had her arm entrapped. She would not hear of the attack of Finn’s character. She knew very she hardly knew this man but in a world of quick handed death and impending dread. She felt compassion for the man and damn her she nearly considers him a friend. And who was she to deny a friendship when so little of those were treated to her.

As she broke away she yelled vehemently, “How dare you spread such false accusations. I thought you man of brutality not of sheer ignorance.” This caught the man’s attention as he tilted his head to look at her for a second. 

The man had gleaming eyes like he discovered a kingdom of his own. “Oh this is priceless. The dumb luck of it all really. Here I thought I was just obliged to kill the old man and his fur rug of a friend. But no, by some beautiful luck I find you both too?” The man laughed a hearty laugh that she wished would choke him where he stood.

But the man stopped looking at her and looked back to Finn. Now that she was free and it seemed the creatures were confused what to do with her, she was able to look at Finn and the man freely. 

Finn had his eyes towards the night sky. She could see a bead of sweat fall from his forehead but she could not decide if it was from the heat of the torch near his head of the proximity of the man before him but it was no matter. 

The man smiled and gleefully muttered, “You do remember your numbers right? But I do so admire your quick handiwork. Finn? Gifted yourself a name after deserting. The order is gonna have fun torturing you-”

With that threat rey grabbed a nearby stick and ran straight towards the man. She had no plan all she knew was that she wanted to cause this man pain. She was tiring of this onslaught against them all. If he wanted them all dead she would go fighting rather kneeling. 

But it seemed that without a plan left rey vulnerable as the man heard the rustling behind him and the warning whistles. So he grabbed her arm and twisted it back as he pushed a dagger to lay just below her neck. 

Rey tried to fight against it but she knew that if she tried any big drastic move to go away from the man. That he would and could slice her neck. 

_He’d connect the ruby marked scars that they left me in that damned house_. 

“This is precious, she’s trying to protect you. Out of all people she wants to save you. And you old man you have no idea. This is hilarious.” The man staggered back as he chuckled in her ear. His breath was warm against her neck and she couldn’t mask the disgust in her tone.

Rey could not see it but the man holding her made a taunting face at Finn and his eyes told more to Finn than he wished to hear. The brown eyes told him that he wouldn’t back down. This was not gonna be a pretty ending. 

“Why don’t you tell her or matter of a fact everyone hear what you really are. A deserter, even if you ran because you couldn’t take the orders you ran and in that manner you’re even worse than the one’s who do the orders in your abandon.”

Finn said nothing while being held by the scaled beast holding him. His eyes were tearing and he could feel the heat in his face. Had he not been a humiliated enough? Was he supposed to die a deserter, a liar, and a betrayer.

_A name is all I had wanted_.

“Say your code, your brand if you will. Tell us what you are deserter or I slit her throat ear to ear!” Finn saw the blade tighten in the man’s hand as he slid it to get into place and he saw rey’s desperate eyes. How could eyes he has known so little can tear him to surrender. 

_She wants the lie I gave to her but it is the truth that will set her free_ His thoughts dislodged the choke that was coming from his throat. He tried to move the beast around him. He shouldered it and hit it. But the scaled statue wouldn’t move. He thought perhaps if he was stronger he could do it. Kill them all here without a second thought and save his companions. Kill them and not even pause, phasma would’ve approved. But for the reason alone he couldn’t do it. Just as he couldn’t stop the tears from falling from his eyes and scream bashing through this mouth. _Freedom is what will imprison us too_.

“FN-2187!”

The whistles that were high pitched screams subsided and the sob following his cry was not of his own but of hers. What a cruel joke to think that he could save his dignity. He was a deserter, not her. She didn’t deserve his death.

But it was her cry that came out as she broke away from him and stole his knife. He closed his eyes and expected the dagger in his throat but he heard the girl scream and she began to swipe the dagger at the man before him.

 

“You deceitful bastard, let me show you what kind of assassin I am!”

“An assassin, my dear? Oh no don’t you know the whole order is looking for you. You’ve got a pretty amount of coin over your head to be returned.” The man voice cackled.

“I cannot be returned. I am no one’s! I am my own.” Rey fought against that blasted notion. But his laughter did not die with that as continued on his deranged enjoyment of this.

“They think you have some force bound over him, you know. The whole order is dumbfounded how someone like you has swept him away. You a scavenger.” The man brought out another dagger and Rey moved away from him but she felt the blade bite into the corner of her jaw. The sting was the taste of her disobedience to this man. But it was taste of freedom and the sting only drove her more. But the next voice was that of Han.

“Stop this madness, You’ll have me and chewie but leave them out of this sick game, you’ve arranged!” Rey looked all around her she could see all of them by the torches light. Chewie, han, and finn being surrounded by the creatures who whistled a death song. Their whistles were getting louder. They sounded excited.

She wanted to rip out their scaled throats. 

“Oh I can’t do this no more. You are all priceless. The oblivious way you hold each other is baffling. Here’ the truth old man. This girl right here she is real important to the first order. A new recent thing but an important nonetheless. Don’t you remember is dear assassin? They said you were a vision in your gown and glass slipper shoes. Men said you danced with him for hours and underneath the light of the moon. They are really romanticizing all of it really. The ladies of the court are eating it up. Had you no idea you were dancing with prince ren? He’s set a bounty for your head and I would love to seek the award for it.”

Rey was couldn’t believe her ears. That man couldn’t be, she was driven to a point where she was wishing this was all a bad dream or perhaps she had died in that fire in the garden and this was damnation for her leaving those people to die. She hadn’t even realized that she had screamed liar until the man spoke again in the softest of tones.

“Can’t you see the hilarity of all this. The assumed deserter with the prince’s highest treasure. Maybe you’re not a deserter at all.” The man turned to face finn. “Did The prince pay you to earn her trust and veer her to be captured. Was this your plan with him all along?” Finn raged against it but the words had been spoken. The doubt was taking seed.

“You’re a monster!” Rey screamed and again the man faced her with his leering smile. 

“My my love why so upset this is a fairytale. You have prince and I’ll slay the beast.” With that he turned towards finn with his shining dagger.

Rey looked onwards and she saw such a broke picture. Finn did not move away from this apparent faith. His eyes were closed and he looked broken. Oh so broken.

_If he were guilty he would’ve saved himself right now, he would’ve spoken the truth now_. 

Finn had decided his faith in that moment. They were never going to believe him so why should he expect to be saved in all of this. He was a deserter and a liar but he would not die a betrayer.

He heard the rustling of the man’s feet move toward as he expected his death in the darkness of his eyelids. Then suddenly he heard the rush of feet and he drew what would be his last breath.

But then.

All he could feel was a cold splatter on his face. His eyes opened he saw the man before him bloodied and dying. Croaking for his scaled friends to help but as finn looked up he saw chewie and han setting fire to their clothes with small crafted bombs.

There was nothing but silence to him as he stood and watch this. He knew he should be hearing something, anything. But he concluded the shock coming in and as he looked up he saw her. She was bloodied from both the man and her. She looked like a destined knight from the stories they told of the glory of a kill. Her hair was wild, her limbs tight and flexed, and her breathing resembled a predator before its kill but it was in her eyes. Such desperate eyes. Her green eyes were broken as she looked at the dying man praying for mercy. 

He began to hear the retreating whistles from the running scaled beast and he heard the loud cries of the man lying before them all. Finn saw chewie and han eye him suspiciously but they came forward as they all surrounded the dying man. Finn looked towards rey again but her eyes would not move from the dying man.

He thought to suggest they leave him like this to die a slow death but the action died in his throat. He was not so sure if he was next to be killed by rey.

But the silence between the standing ones held on until Han got to his knees and whispered. “We can’t leave like this. I’ll give him a quick death.”

The man’s voice was getting softer already so he was not so far from the doors of death but finn knew that it was a compassionate kill. Han was still a compassionate man underneath all of that cocky attitude and a sad one as he said to the dying.

“May you find peace in the force.”

But the man even in dying spit in han’s face and uttered so hideously, “They don’t know about you yet though han or are you going to kill me before i say it.” 

“I deserted the resistance it’s common knowledge. You can’t hurt a man who has accepted his truth.”

The man scoffed at that as his eyes grew heavy and breath turned slow. “The prince is said to be doing well in the absence of his father.”

That statement by the man confused Finn as he thought the man was going delirious from his way towards death. Finn looked up and he even saw rey tilt her head in confusion but it was cleared up as the man uttered his last words before Han could raise the dagger to his neck.

“You deserted your cause just as you deserted your son.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I've been gone since forever but if anyone is reading this thank you for sticking around! hopefully i'm not a dingus and get on another hiatus. Weekly updates is the new schedule! Welcome to the hurt train guys!


	20. through the leaves we see the glimmers of light, over the cast of darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A hope held in joined hands had us walking to the edge

For a serene moment there was silence. 

It had felt as if time slowed down to allow them all to catch a breath. It was so much to accept in a moment. That everything was true the good and the bad in the stories that was whispered by children but the moment was too soft for the density of the night.

She heard it in the sharp pull. As she looked up and all of them were looking at one another with suspicion in their eyes. Just moments before she would’ve tried the blade for them but it had seemed that the blades were meant to point at one another.

Rey nearly drawed the blade she had but she decided against it. As she saw the pool of blood beneath her she felt a coldness stir in her stomach. _I’ve killed enough in the name of survival_.

“We didn’t start this with blades at each other's throats why start now. What good will it do.” Her voice was weak in it loudness, she hated herself for it. Now was not the time for softness. She knew better.

It appeared Han was going to interject or voice out his input but he was stopped by the slithering snake that made itself in the middle of them. It was startling sight as BB laid atop the dead man. She knew that this was not to be an easy conversation and apparently BB agreed.

“Let us get to the point, we all have secrets. It would be no surprise to either of us that we have them. But what remains to be discussed is how we will act upon knowing them. We could talk or we can be the beast we’ve just seen and tear each other apart. That decision is up to us both individually. My name is BB, I am NOT just a droid animal but a critical part of the resistance stance against the First order. My loyalties are not to be put in question. I met Rey through a haggle of ruffians as I then met you all through her. This is my truth hopefully we can all be more forthcoming with our actual truth now.” Rey saw how BB’s snake head swerved to look at Finn. 

_BB what are you playing at_ ?

But as that though escaped Finn blew an exasperated breath and closed his eyes. Rey felt a surge of betrayal. Maybe even disappointment. Was it true? Was he only a spy sent to capture me like some prized hog. With that thought rey steeled herself for his excuses for his dishonesty so that he might live and escape them. 

She expected him to speak right away to begin the stream of apologies and mercy but he surprised her by his tense silence. He looked torn as if his mind was at war with one another. Rey told her herself to not feel compassion. But she knew that wavering emotion way to often to think less of him for it. It was the battle that she fought everyday with herself.

“My name is Finn, I escaped from the first order the night of the massacre that happened at the palace nights past. My code was FN-2187. That was true but-” He broke his close eyes to peer at rey and his eyes looked desperate. The fear was in his eyes and she heard his scratched voice explain “-I was never going to give you to them. You have to believe. I escaped with my life only thanks to Poe. I would never take someone bac-”

But it seemed the stirring of Finn’s turmoil only ignited the anger of everyone else. BB struck first with his serpent tongue. “Don’t ever say his name! Did you kill him to escape? Where is he! You have his jacket, you must know something explain yourself you traitor!”

Rey heard the hurt in BB’s voice how quivered even as he yelled. Han and chewie looked taken aback. They looked as if they had seen a ghost. They even had taken a step back. Finn had to explain himself but rey couldn’t shake the dead man’s words. Tonight was a night of cruel surprises it seemed for all of them. Rey included.

“We saved each other’s lives. I can say his name if I please! You weren’t there when we had to fight our way through the palace. If I am a traitor at least I left saving another man’s life. I owe that man my life. He- he gave me my name.”

It was the hesitation in the last statement that brought tears to her eyes. Living with lies was stifling it filled the air with such heaviness that at one pin drop it all could come crashing down. But as he cried out it was a plea not an excuse and it had felt as if the heaviness was lifted. He was telling the truth.

But it was just that as BB’s voice came to the light again. “He did?” There was a pause as BB aligned there thoughts. “Where is he.” There was a sadness in that question and with the lack of an immediate answer. It was to be a sadder answer.

“When we escaped the palace and the knights or at least we had thought but it happened so fast. We fell in a river and we tried to fight it but he was losing so much blood. I held onto but the river took us both. I had woken up and all i could find was his jacket. I- I don’t believe he survived. I’m sorry I tried my best, it wasn’t good enough. It’ll never be enough.”

He didn’t break down in tears and she admired him for it but he let go a stream of silent tears. That she understood entirely. With that she walked and picked up the slumped form of BB. BB’s slumped scaled form felt so cold. 

_He was your friend, he would’ve wanted you to carry on_.

BB heard her and once she had BB in her grasps, BB slid to hide behind her neck. BB was grieving and she couldn’t help but to understand that so was Finn. Rey walked to him and placed her hand on his shoulder. He seemed shakened by that. Maybe he was expecting her blade or spitting words but she couldn’t find hatred for the broken person before.  
“You are person finn, not that damn code. You lied to save your life. I understand that. We’ve all lied here to survive. I’m sorry for thinking you a monster that you’re not. I lived with too many monsters. I can tell them apart now.” 

She didn’t know what she expected. Maybe a solemn nod or a muttered thanks but as finn’s arm wrapped around her in a crushing embrace. She knew that this was mutual asking forgiveness and maybe a answering acceptance between them. 

But she knew that she’d have to explain her piece. It would be wrong to demand explanation and not in return give hers. Rey broke from the embrace and smiled a sad smile at her companions as she looked down she saw the man beneath her and her smile dropped without speaking she closed the dead man’s eyes and began to pick the dead leaves all around her and began placing them over the man below them all.

With that she began to speak, “My name is rey always has been to me but what the man said I had no idea when it happened. It was just a stupid dance with a man in the garden. I ran away from that damn prison of a home and I only wanted to escape. But this figure had found me on a broken bridge it had spoken to me. It gave me hope something i so desperately needed. It gave me attire and urged me to run towards the light. I thought it was magic but it was the force. I thought that was all just make believe. But as I found myself at the palace this man helped me to get in and i just found myself to the garden where I met that man- the prince-” she only paused to look at Han. She could see his sadness too and that’s what made her busy herself by covering the dead man with leaves once more.

“I didn’t know who he was but when I was with him there was a pull. It was as if he calmed my very soul. It was the force. He asked me to stay and screamed for me too but I couldn’t I had to run. I needed to escape. He said i had the force and with everything I just couldn’t and that’s when I ran in. There was blood everywhere. I ran again until I was in the garden with a burning gown the man was there from before the palace.”

Rey was losing her breath. She knew she sounded like a lunatic but she couldn’t break hold of the frenzy she was in. She couldn’t calm herself down enough to breathe.

“I ran and I ran. Meeting BB and we saved one another and we ran then too until we met finn and then we ran again and again. Is there no end to this? I wanted to escape but it’s always behind me. I’ve been running for so long. Will it ever end?”

She was on her knees catching her ragged breath. Rey’s hands clutched the leaves and she told herself to let them go but her body was so tense that she couldn’t bring herself to do it but rey felt BB slip from her neck to her hands. She saw BB rip each leaf from her hand and place them on the last revealing spot of the man’s body.

“It’ll never end kid. Not at the rate you’re going.”  
Rey looked up to see han shaking his head. The man finally spoke and as he shook his head she knew he wasn’t done yet.

“I know better than anyone what running does to someone. It’s to escape and after a while you recognize that if you’re not escaping from the original reason. You’re running from something else and it’ll never end.” He started to walk towards her and offered his hand to help her up once he finally reached. She grabbed his hand steadily and stood before him.

“You’re running away and I understand that because I am too. If you don’t stop running away, you’re gonna end up like me a shriveled up man. In need of a rescue from some kids who showed him what I think we all need.” 

With that he started to walk towards the other side of the forest. Rey confused started to follow him as did finn right besides her. They rushed their feet to follow him closely as chewie walked with him side by side.

“Where are we going. We’re all wanted it seems maybe we need to split up. I’m not sure but we can’t just run and not expect anything!” Finn sounded aggravated and Rey couldn’t blame but she blindly followed behind them.

“Don’t you see we all came together and for what? A sick joke? No, maybe young han would think this is a coincidence but not me. I know better.”

Rey shook her head. She couldn’t just go off a feeling. She needed proof. Her life couldn’t be staked off of a chance encounter. But the next voice to come up was BB’s.

“He’s right. The force. It brought us all here for a reason. We’d be fools not to see. I know better now too. Luke skywalker isn’t a myth. He’s real just as much as you and I. He is the last thing that could save us from the first order and on the night of the massacre. We found it. A map. It’ll lead us to him. We all survived our circumstances for a bigger purpose. We all need to find Luke. the force brought us for a reason.”

“The force you all understand how ridiculous you sound. I understand we need hope. But you’re seeking a new hope with a man who is a myth. What if this map leads us nowhere or straight back to the first order. Do you want to risk it?” Finn’s disbelief was to be expected and apart of rey knew had she not seen what she has seen in the past few days that maybe she would be with finn on this but without thinking she spoke.

“Yes.” Han stopped walking and looked to rey with the same eyes when he first saw her. She was a ghost to him but that was a story for another time.

“You want to keep running then be my guest finn but let me tell you something. The only way you’ll stop running is if you’re running towards something not running away. You say it’s a false hope but what else do we all have but to have hope.”

That stumped finn enough to where BB could insert some much needed information to them.

“This map leads to luke, han. But it is just a fraction. The connecting piece is with the general.” Han looked as if he were going to drop dead there but chewie took hold of his arm and shook him to reality. With a shake of his head han got back to the group.

“Why did he leave? Luke?”

The question hung in the air until Han broke the silence and looked away from them all in a blank stare. His eyes seemed miles away but honestly they looked like they were peering into a memories and from his answer and the scrunching of his eyes. It was a sorrowful one. 

“Luke was training a new generation of Jedi. One boy, an apprentice, turned against him, destroyed it all. Luke felt responsible. He just walked away from everything.”

They all looked towards han in explanation but Finn knew when to prod. It was apart of his training.

“Do you know what happened to him.”

Han looked towards finn and broke away from the stare to look towards chewie with a knowing look.

“There were a lot of rumors. Stories. People that knew him best think he went looking for the first Jedi temple.”

Rey’s eyes perked up at that and a strange sensation came over her with that word.

_Jedi_.

She looked around her and notice a strange gust of wind come in and sweep the trees softly. Rey knew to never look into it but she swore she heard an answering whisper but before she could think more. Her mouth was faster than her head as she spoke aloud without thinking.

“The jedi were real?”

A look of wonderment went over han’s face but only for a second as he began to walk again towards the darkness of the forest. Rey followed and so did Finn as well. It seemed without speaking they had made their choice as they followed into the dark. But it was without a hesitation as Han spoke his words that had them all to their own thoughts. 

“I used to wonder about that myself. Thought it was a bunch of mumbo-jumbo. A magical power holding together good and evil, the dark side and the light. Crazy thing is... it's true. The Force. The Jedi... All of it... It's all true.”

The gust followed throughout the whole night that they walked with one another. Rey thought herself crazy but she swore that the soft wind that flowed all around them said something to her. 

The leaves picked up and she heard it again. 

_Never forget who you are_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moral is I couldn't wait.


	21. Waving a white flag not in surrender but to feel the breeze through it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is dead is never truly dead at least not until it's buried. Still the dirt is on your hands.

The air was chilled in the palace. The floors were icy cold as the prince stalked in his room without him. Kylo always like the cold, it was a distraction from his thoughts but he could feel it without a reasonable doubt. That she was with him, cinderella.

Kylo never thought about what he left behind all those years ago. He didn’t know if it was anger or if it was some slice of shame but it was no matter of why he chose to forget. Because he never could. Not even as hard as he tried to. Sometimes If the palace got too warm, to inviting to his memories. He’d dump himself in a tub of iced water.

Kylo tried to reason that he hated the warmth because it was a comfort to the body and that sith was never to be comfortable. Being on edge is what makes him powerful. But Kylo deep down inside knew that it was not feeling of warmth that loosened his hold on that edge but it was the feelings behind it that forced him to weaken to his icy cage he had made himself.

But he felt the force with all of them with one another it was poignant. An extract of the force moving through the forest far beyond the palace’s doors. Kylo knew that he should be celebrating this silent victory. It wouldn’t be long till they found them and he knew that man and his companion. 

He knew where they were headed.

Thinking about them all now, he felt the force signature ebbing themselves into his thoughts. Cinder’s was indescribable. It was an unraveling ribbon that tightened the moment he thought he had found it’s secret. But it more than just a metaphor, it was the power of it. He could feel it like she was there in the next room.

Yet kylo could still feel the others. One was a small promising whisper almost. It felt like blue sky above them in the morning, He could sense the taste of fear but despite that it was calm. That wasn’t him kylo knew but just as he was going to search his signature out. Like always, it came without invitation without any regard, it flowed into him like a familiar breeze back all those years ago.

It was just as rough as before and as inconsistent as well. Kylo used to find this even when he wasn’t searching because he was everywhere. Always moving.

_Never staying_.

The thought shook him as he tried to force a shield around his thoughts against the signature. He was used to this. But for once he was the one that sought him out.

He felt the raging heat in his ears. Kylo was angry at his weakness. The rage was welcomed, let it set him on edge. He needed the reminder. The room felt so hot and this is temperature that fueled him all those years ago. The raging heat was his new beginning. The rebirth. His heart was set aflame with the anger but if he was honest the hurt as well. 

The anger only stayed for so long; however, the cold returned and he felt like ice after the drastic change from before. It was always a humbling experience to be set back to place but kylo knew that in that moment. He had lost control of himself. He knew better than that, he was taught better than that. He was to be edged poised. Two things that could never be but what he desperately sought nonetheless.

But kylo knew what was to come soon. The king was to sense his failure and his shame. He always did. He rarely moved from his throne.

_He always stays_.

He knew that speaking to himself through the force that he was calling to the king and it was mechanical clockwork did he then hear the king’s demand. 

_It has happened again my prince, hasn’t it?_.

Kylo stood there frozen in his own acceptance of what was to come. No matter the frequency that they used to happen and sometimes still do. Kylo contemplated not saying anything at all. To feign sleeping and that this all was caused in a dream. Something he knew no one can control but it was no matter. The king would see through this lie.

_I’m coming, my king_.

With that he began his venture to the throne room where the king will sit with his disappointed face and the hint of shame. Both of them shamed but for highly different reasons. Kylo nearly ran there but his brisk walk was good enough he concluded. Better to get this done with and lick my wounds tomorrow. But the king was impatient. Kylo could hear his breath getting more thin and his feet tapping like a ticking clock. 

As kylo finally reached the throne room, the nose halted as always. Sometimes kylo thought the king took joy in his failures. That he derived some kind of pleasure from these midnights. But if he did, he never showed them. Not even a hint of smile or a gleam in his eyes. But kylo had to conclude that maybe in the king’s own way that he maybe did. But the moments where so rare when he did. That it was hard to say.  
But kylo’s thoughts were interrupted by the king’s voice.

“You sought him out? My prince, this is out of character for you. In all your years under my training and care. You’ve never weakened or have been an ounce disloyal to the cause.”

_A lie_.

The pain hit him first before the regret of his disobedience. It tore through him like a lightning bolt. His nerves were on fire and he was so cold that he felt that maybe his teeth were to shatter and cut his mouth open. But just as quick as it happened it was torn away from him just as fast. Kylo fell to his knees in cold sweat. He felt dumped in cold ice water, the chill of the palace on heightened it further.

“Hold your tongue. You know better. I’ve trained you better, you know this.”

The king paused on his disciplinary speech like a thought had rung in his head and the bell was echoing its idea. Kylo never liked these moments. It meant the next pain would be worse. It was always a pattern. Just like clockwork.

But the king surprised him and stayed not only still in his stature but in his words as well. The king’s dark black pitched eyes peering into his. Kylo felt unsettled. He was used to being a step ahead always knowing the move before his opponent knew what they wanted to do. But within what felt minutes did the king finally speak and break the silence.

“Who are you?”

Kylo felt a trick coming but he spoke true to his king.

“The prince.”

The king tisked and moved his head to the side in impatience once again.

“I asked who are you not what are you.”

Kylo knew that he couldn’t wait to speak. That would speak volumes of his hesitation so he whispered it quickly under his breath loud enough for only them to hear.

“Kylo ren.”

“Say it louder.”  
Kylo looked to the floor remembering this from years before when he still had the burn marks fresh on his hands. 

“Kylo ren.” He heard it in both his head and through the echo in the cold empty room.

“You are our crowned prince and you use your inside voice? This is a battlefield, my prince. Does this not require the cry of a leader!” The king snoke’s voice did a crescendo as he reached the intensity to where it filled the room’s emptiness.

“Scream it! Who are YOU!”

Kylo felt it first in his feet as the pain accelerated to the rest of his body. It was wave of pain that crested over his wrecked body over and over. He moved to stand but the pain was so much. But he knew the consequences if he did not try. So he screamed with his strained voice to stand. First with his wobbling knees to finally get grip on the soles to feet. As he stood shaking like he was going to combust. He screamed a yell that felt as if it could puncture glass.

“I am kylo ren!”

The pained ceased in his body almost instantly. It took all of kylo’s strength to stand. But he did. His body swaying to hit the floor. Despite that his body stood and waved like a white flag. Flying it’s surrender to it’s conqueror. 

“And who were you, kylo. Who was the one that came to me broken and weak tonight. One who seeks to destroy what we have built?”

Kylo braced himself for the pain but it did not come but the answer that the king came within a second.

“Who was he, my prince?”

Kylo finally looked to the king’s eyes and spoke truly.

“Ben solo.”

Snoke’s face crumpled into what he presumed was a smirk but then again who knew with the scarred face of the king. Kylo certainly didn’t.

“And where is that boy now kylo? Does he whisper in your ear still? What have you done to him?”

Kylo felt his eyes tightened but no moisture was found there. He wouldn’t grive the memories of that boy. He hadn’t during the fire and he wouldn’t start now. Kylo closed his eyes and everything was a comforting black. There was no cold or warmth in the color it just was black. Nothing to associate.

“He’s dead. Ben solo, I- I killed him.”

“Who, my prince?”

 

Kylo widened his eyes again and spoke the truth.

“Ben solo.” 

Snoke nodded his head and sighed a pleasant sound and looked towards the door behind kylo. Kylo knew what he was to do. So without saying a passing goodnight, kylo stalked out of the throne room to go back to his quarters. It wasn’t until he was far enough away did kylo finally let his body feel the pain and soreness of the king’s work. He shook and waved but his body continued on. He stumbled but without falling he finally reached his room. 

Kylo went to lay in his bed and did not let his heavy lids fall until he felt the king’s mind go to rest. It was maybe only an hour he waited but it felt longer. It felt a lifetime but it did not matter. Once he was in the clear, he closed his eyes and repeated in soft whispers.

“He’s dead, he’s dead, he’s dead.”

He whispered this until he felt his limbs grow heavy and his eyes go still but as he whispered it into his pillow did he hear it in his mind. But it wasn't a bell like tone but a breeze.

_A lie_. 

The breeze swept over him in his mind and with it the truth. As he fell to sleep all he could feel was warmth. The warmth pulled a tear from his eye but it was all diminished as he fell into the blackness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me a second to write this but I wanted to really showcase kylo in this chapter. So I wanted to really see how his development is going and a bit of a reveal too for kylo. I kept rewriting and I finally finished sorry if it's not your interpretation but it fits for my kylo. Thanks again for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first installment of my series "Punctured by Glass, Burned by Cinder." This series is loosely based upon the fairy tale "Cinderella." It does carry elements of the tale but will largely twisted to fit the idea that I have for the series. I have rated this fic above according to this fic's nature; however, I'd like to remind everyone this will not be a go lucky attitude series. This is my first go at fanfiction, so my apologies for not being as seasoned. Thank you for reading! Glad to add onto the Reylo growing fandom!


End file.
